Can I post more than one joke?

Here’s mine:

“3 friends, one doctor, one priest and one engineer were playing golf.

There was another group of people playing, and the 3 men had to wait for them to finish the hole before moving to it, since they arrived before. The 3 friends noticed that the people from the group played REALLY bad, and took ages to get the ball into the hole.

The priest asks the boy who is carrying the clubs:

– Who are those guys who play so bad?

The boy answers:

– They’re blind, mister. They lost eyesight by saving the golfing club from a fire last year. The club allows them to play for free.

The priest says:

– Thats really sad. I’ll pray for them this night.

The doctor says:

– I’ll ask my friend, an eye doctor, if he can do anything for them.

The engineer says:

– Why don’t they play at night?”

Here’s a kind of funny riddle for you. Try to figure out what these sentences actually mean:

The prime number few.

Fat people eat acgreat timesulates.

The man who hunts ducks out on weekends.

The cotton clothing is usually made of grows in Mississippi.

ok, ok. So, an american guy, an isralei guy, and an indian guy find a magic water slide. If you slide down the slide and shout something you land in a pile of it at the bottom. So, the isralei guy goes down and yells “Gold!” and lands in a pile of gold. He says, “Yay, i’m rich!” and goes home. The indian guy slides down and yells “Silver!” and lands in a pile of silver. He says, “Yay, I’m rich!” and goes home. Now, the american guy slides down says “OH BOY! A water slide! this is gonna be so fun! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!” and lands in a puddle of wee

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here’s another one

A woman is cooking her dinner when suddenly the phone rings.

She answers the phone and the calller says “I am the ghost of one bloody finger and i am 1 mile away from your house”

Believing it’s a prank call, she hangs up and goes back to cooking her dinner. A few minutes later the phone rings again.

She answers the phone and the caller says “I am the ghost of one bloody finger and i am 5 blocks away from your house”

She gets a little nervous and goes back to cooking her dinner. After a few minutes she relaxes herself but the phone rings again.

She answers the phone and the caller says “I am the ghost of one bloody finger and i am across the street from your house”

Now, very scared, she heres the doorbell ring. She grabs a frying pan, shaking and trembling, she opens the door.

The man at the door says “I AM THE GHOST OF ONE BLOODY FINGER…..Got a band-aid?”

yeah that’s one i heard when i was little

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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.

‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,’ he replies.

‘Put them back, we can’t afford them,’ demands the wife, and

so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of

face cream and puts it in the basket.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.

‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you

when we’re making love,’ replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser … at half the price.’

On the PA system: ‘Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband

down.

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Three men are exiting the bathroom one after another (and surprisingly, not after soliciting eachother for gay sex, but that’s for political jokes that are hilariously unfunny).

The first gentlemen washes his hands, then uses all but one of the paper towels in the bathroom to dry his hands. He turns to the others and says, “I’m a doctor, so I was trained to use everything available to me in order to get my job done.”

The second gentleman washes his hands, then uses the remaining paper towel and says, “Well, that’s ok, because I’m a coder. I’m used to getting the job done using the least amount of resources possible.”

The third gentleman looks at the first two and then shrugs before walking out, saying, “I’m a school teacher. I was taught to not pee on my hands when I use the bathroom.”

Also, anything by Brian Regan. And surprisingly, a lot of things by Daniel Tosh.

A man went up to an Irish fellow and said, “How do you do?”, the Irish fellow replied, “perfectly fine, thank you very much” and had a sip of brandy. The man then went up to a Scottish fellow and asked, “How do you do?”, the Scottish fellow replied, “why I am quite ecquisite, thank you very much” and had a sip of wine. The man then went up to a black fellow and said, “How do you do?” and the black fellow replied, “I am fine, thanks for asking!”. And they all lives happily ever after.

Oh wai

Some dude said he’d give me $10 to draw him a picture of a leather top urinating into a leather bottom.*

****er never paid me*

*This actually happened

**My above post is also true but not the top one.

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- At one time in Holland it took four years to train to be a hatmaker but only three years to train to be a surgeon….

– Despite the many rat infested slums in New York City, only 311 people are bitten by rats in an average year. But 1,519 residents are bitten annually by other New Yorkers….

– No one knows why, but 90 percent of women who walk into a department store immediately turn to the right….

– The term skyscraper was first used way back in 1888 to describe an 11 story building….

– Adults average only one nightmare a year, but typically have seven sexual fantasies a day….

– There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people. The kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million….

– During his entire lifetime, Herman Melville’s timeless clbumic of the sea, ‘Moby male reproductive organ’, only sold 50 copies….

– The liver, not the heart, is the sign of romance in northern Morocco…. When a Moroccan girl falls in love she says, “Darling, you have stolen my liver.”

– Drivers tend to drive faster when other cars are around. It doesn’t matter whether they are in front, behind, or beside them….

– A small tribe named the Todas in southern India don’t greet each other with a handshake, they thumb their noses….

– The host team in an NFL football game must have 26 footballs inflated and ready to play….

– The world’s greatest lover was King Mongut of Siam. He had 9,000 wives…. Before dying of syphilis he was quoted as saying he only loved the first 700….