Episode 1
A full walkthrough of Episode 1 of the game, chock full of spoiler goodness. Brought to you by MC Banhammer, edited and formatted by Skyreal.
Walkthrough
Start the game as a Re-Re
- Game Event: Shallow Esophagus added to contacts but offline
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Tutorial
- Game Event: SpendFriend added to bookmarks
- Game Event: Tubmail added to bookmarks
- Game Event: Sentrillion added to bookmarks
- Player Action: Complete Mission: Tutorial
- Game Event: Bruce Bear Cinematic
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Tutorial
- Game Event: Denture Chat added to bookmarks
- Game Event: Drugs “R” Fun added to bookmarks
- Game Event: Received the Mission: **** off the Old Farts!
- Game Event: Bruce Bear’s Fix-All added to bookmarks
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from JolieNet DSL
- Optional: Read Tubmail
- Player Action, Optional: Buy at least one Happidex 20mg.
- Player Action: Pwn Denture Chat. (strategy tip: As the attacks against you won’t do more than 1 point of damage, wait until you’re down to 1 Ego to take the Happidex in order to maximize its effectiveness.)
As a result, you will level up, and receive a cinematic which allows you to choose your Character Clbum. If you want to play as a Re-Re (hard mode), click the Character tab instead of choosing any clbum. You will be able to change to a clbum at any point if you change your mind; see the FAQ for details on how.
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: **** off the Old Farts!
- Game Event: Gamble-Bot 3000 added to contacts
- Game Event: Shallow Esophagus sent you 25 Flezz
If you chose a character clbum other than Re-Re:
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from <organization clbum="true">
- Game Event: New bookmarks: Stores for your clbum
- Player Action: Spend upgrade points. Certainly, take the Free Starter Pack for your clbum. You’ll also want at least one of the new attacks available to you. Everything else is optional depending on how you want to build your character; see the Game Discussion forum and the wiki for advice.
- Player Action: sTalk with Shallow Esophagus
- Game Event: Futanari-Moe added to contacts
- Game Event: Anonymous added to contacts
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Quest for the OS!
- Game Event: von Neumann's added to bookmarks
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from Grave Re-Digger
- Player Action: Read Grave Re-Digger’s Tubmail. Take the attachment.
- Game Event: The Ppwn Shoppe! added to bookmarks
- Game Event: CutiePie12xo added to contacts.
You may now sell junk (such as the Human Skull Grave Re-Digger sent you) in the Ppwn Shoppe for Flezz. You’ll receive additional junk on each day following a day you pwn threads. You probably want to sell all your junk every day as you acgreat timesulate it.
- Optional: There are three paths you can choose from now, in any order. You can even switch between paths in the middle of one, if you like.
Futanari-Moe’s Pervy Pic Project
sTalk with Futanari-Moe, gaining the “Futanari-Moe’s Pervy Pic Project” Mission. The reward is 250 Flezz, and in the middle of it, you will have an opportunity to get the Asimov OS Shallow asked for at a reduced Flezz cost.
- Player Action: sTalk Futanari-Moe
- Game Event: Yuriko-chan added to contacts
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from The Motherland
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Futanari-Moe’s Pervy Pic Project
- Optional: Read the Tubmail from The Motherland. If you do so:
- Game Event: AllOfWarez.ru added to bookmarks
- Optional: You can buy an illegal copy of the Asimov OS from AllOfWarez.ru at a reduced rate, instead of going to von Neumann's. How delivering this version to Shallow affects gameplay is unrevealed at this time.
- Player Action: sTalk Yuriko-chan
- Game Event: Mission Updated: Futanari-Moe’s Pervy Pic Project. Yuriko-chan blocked on sTalk.
- Player Action: sTalk CutiePie12xo. He will shut down the conversation, so…
- Player Action: sTalk CutiePie12xo again. While it’s endleslly entertaining to mess with him, here we provide for you the “best” answers:
- Damn, girl, let’s get to know each other a little better.
- Why is your name CutiePie12xo if you’re 14?
- Age be damned! If there’s grbum on the lawn, mow, mow, mow!
- You’re as beautiful as Rita Hayworth in her prime.
- My male reproductive organ’s got more HORSEpower than a Model-T Ford!
- My John Thomas is harder than a bowl of old-time penny candy, and just as sweet.
- A hearty round of sodomy, using a lambskin johnny — none of that newfangled plastic junk.
- I have a collection of erotic woodcuts that truly get my pistons firing.
- Sorry, I’m an old-fashioned type. I believe in courtship first.
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from CutiePie12xo
- Player Action: Read Tubmail. Take the attachment.
- Player Action: sTalk Futanari-Moe
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Futanari-Moe’s Pervy Pic Project
- Game Event: Futanari-Moe sent you 250 Flezz
Anonymous vs. Onymous
- Game Event: Dr. Jojo’s Plastic Surgery Stronghold added to bookmarks.
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Anonymous vs. Onymous
- Player Action: pwn Dr. Jojo’s. Bring in ego-recovering drugs. As a result, you should level up.
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Anonymous vs. Onymous!
You can sTalk to Anonymous one more time, but after that he goes offline for the rest of the game.
Quest for the OS!
Quest for the OS! must be satisfied to proceed with the game . If you haven’t done the optional “Futanari-Moe’s Pervy Pic Project”, and haven’t sTalked Anonymous or completed his Mission (see below), you won’t have enough Flezz to satisfy this Mission at this time. There are other ways to get Flezz but they take at least a day. Note the operating system occasionally shows up in the Ppwn Shoppe at a discounted rate (82 instead of 93).
(Alternatively you can buy a much cheaper, if less genuine OS from AllOfWarez.ru, which Shallow Esophagus will accept. Alternatively alternatively, you sometimes get a genuine OS as junk in deliveries. If you are patient you can grind JoJos a lot, and wait for one to show up.)
- Player Action: buy a Genuine Asimov OS from either the AllOfWarz.ru or the Ppwn Shoppe if available (if you don’t have one from the “Futanari-Moe’s Pervy Pic Project” Mission).
- Player Action: sTalk Shallow Esophagus
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Quest for the OS!
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from Shallow Esophagus (Secret Code)
- Player Action: Read the Tubmail
- Game Event: XSS code automatically downloaded
- Player Action: At this point, you have no Missions, and you’ve done all you can, except for deploying the XSS code. Start doing so (the forum you choose to do it on is irrelevant). You must deploy XSS three times for the story to continue.
When you deploy your first XSS Code
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from Shallow Esophagus (Meet Krystl)
- Player Action: Read the Tubmail
- Game Event: Krystl_crackr1969 added to contacts.
- Player Action: sTalk Krystl_crackr1969
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Pwned in Sixty-Nine Seconds
- Game Event: Rice, Rice, Baby added to bookmarks.
When you deploy your second XSS Code
- Optional: Doctor O is a completely optional discussion. You could gain a unique, one-use item if you do talk to him, and he does reveal some story background, but you do not need to talk to him to finish the game. If you choose to talk with him, see the OPTIONALS section below.
- Player Action: Pwn Rice, Rice, Baby
- Game Event: Krystl_crackr1969 sent you 250 Flezz
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Pwned in Sixty-Nine Seconds
When you deploy your third XSS Code
- Game Event: Bruce Bear added to contacts.
- Optional: haxlrose allows you to reset your upgrade points. Use him at your discretion, but do so wisely, because he has a cooldown of four days between each reset.
- Player Action: sTalk Bruce Bear
- Game Event: Konservative Kristian Koalition added to bookmarks.
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Kristians on a Krutch
- Player Action: pwn KKK
- Game Event: Cinematic: introducing Ravit
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Kristians on a Krutch
- Game Event: Bruce Bear sent you 350 Flezz
- Game Event: Ravit “Blacksnake” Nordstrom III added to contacts.
- Player Action: sTalk Ravit
You have now completed the three things necessary to proceed with the game. Note that Ravit said he’ll get back to you in one day. If you’ve bought illegal enhancements, you won’t have to wait the day, but if you haven’t bought them, you will have to wait until tomorrow to hear back from him. If you still have forum visits, you may still use them.
The next day...
- Game Event: Receive E-Peen for Flaming Black Operative
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from Flaming Black Ops.
- Player Action: Read Tubmail (FBO welgreat timess j00!!!)
- Game Event: FBO Attack automatically downloaded
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Flaming Black Initiation
- Game Event: That’s a Lot of Feces! added to bookmarks.
When you deploy your first FBO Code
- Game Event: Cinematic: Shallow wants to talk to you again. When you do is up to you. His Mission can be done before, after, or during Ravit’s.
You now have a multi-threaded option of how to proceed. I present this in one order, but the order you choose to do them in does not seem relevant; it must all be done to continue with the game.
When you deploy your fourth code (could be any type)
- Game Event: Fr4gGingR1teZ wants to add you on sTalk. (When this happens is unrelated to deploying FBO codes, it happened to me even before pwning KKK.)
- Optional: the Fr4gGingR1teZ path is completely optional. You’ll get a decent item if you follow it, but you aren’t required to. If you choose to, a walkthrough is below
When you deploy your eighth code (of any type) THIS STEP IS REQUIRED TO FINISH EPISODE 1
- Game Event: DrrtyCop74 added to contacts.
NOTE: At this point, all contacts are disabled except the cop.
- Player Action: sTalk DrrtyCop74
You have no choice but to pay her the 500 Flezz, if you want your contacts back. When you have enough money:
- Player Action: sTalk DrrtyCop74. Pay her.
Your contacts will be restored.
Shallow Path: Hack The Flacks
- Player Action: sTalk Shallow. It’s unknown if the answer to his “What can you tell me about this other person?” question impacts gameplay. In any case, you’re going to have to play his trust game to proceed with the game. You can do it right away, or stock up on consumables, spending most of your Flezz, and then try (so as not to give him too much).
- Game Event: South Carolina Marine Fisheries Forum added to bookmarks.
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Hack the Flacks
- Player Action: pwn South Carolina Marine Fisheries Forum
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from Plum Computers.
- Game Event: Shallow Esophagus sent you 500 Flezz (also refunds the money you gave him for the trust exercise)
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Hack the Flacks
- Optional: Read the Tubmail from Plum Computers (One Additional ThingTM.)
- Game Event: Plum Computers added to bookmarks. Here you can buy better computers.
Ravit Path: The Biggest Losers
- Player Action: pwn That’s a Lot of Feces! Bring lots of ego restorers. Deploy FBO 3 times.
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Flaming Black Initiation
- Game Event: Ravit “Blacksnake” Nordstrom III sent you 300 Flezz. “talk 2 me when u get a chance kthx”
- Player Action: sTalk Ravit
- Game Event: R.P.Genius added to bookmarks.
- Game Event: The Furry Farm added to bookmarks.
- Game Event: Received the Mission: The Biggest Losers
It doesn’t seem to matter in which order you pwn R.P.Genius and The Furry Farm.
- Player Action: pwn The Furry Farm
- Player Action: pwn R.P.Genius
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: The Biggest Losers
- Game Event: Ravit “Blacksnake” Nordstrom III sent you 2,000 Flezz
After completing both Hack The Flacks and The Biggest Losers AND deployed at least 8 codes
- Player Action: sTalk Ravit
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from Ravit “Blacksnake” Nordstrom III.
- Player Action: Read the Tubmail (!POP Sekret!). Note the pbumword splodeydope
- Game Event: Coral Springs Nuclear Generating Station added to bookmarks.
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Teh Nucular Opshun
- Player Action: pwn Coral Springs.
- Game Event: Cinematic: Oh just watch it to see. No point spoiling here!
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Teh Nucular Opshun
- Game Event: Episode 1 ends.
Optional Missions
Doctor O
If you take either option which doesn’t rat out Shallow, you get nothing. If you rat out Shallow:
- Player Action: Read the Tubmail (Just what the Doctor O-rdered!). It has an attachment. Take it. It’s a one-shot item, Digital Vasectomy 3.1, which gives you Defense +10 for 3 turns.
Fr4gGingR1teZ
The Fr4gGingR1teZ path is completely optional. You’ll get a decent item and a mini-game to play if you follow it, but you aren’t required to. If you choose to:
- Player Action: sTalk Fr4gGingR1teZ
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Shot in the male reproductive organ, and You’re Too Lame
- Game Event: Trapped in the Cupboard added to bookmarks.
- Player Action: Play Trapped in the Cupboard
- Player Action: sTalk Fr4gGingR1teZ
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Shot in the male reproductive organ, and You’re Too Lame
- Game Event: Friend request received from Fr4gGingR1teZ
- Optional: You don’t have to accept the friend request, but this is the way to get the special item. So, if you choose to:
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from Fr4gGingR1teZ
- Player Action: read the Tubmail (My reward to you… for being a friend! ). Take the attachment (Fr4gGingR1teZ 2020 male reproductive organblasterTM Premier XtreemTM Edition (Max Ego +20))
THE_****
- Optional: After you’ve accepted his request to pwn Fitness fabulous personry, you’re given an option of asking more about steroids. If you take it, you’ll get a Tubmail from him (HEY ****male reproductive organ) with a Homemade ‘Roids Sampler Pack (Ego +20, Douchebaggery+25, For 4 turns Offense+5) You can buy more of these, once per day, for 150 Flezz.
- Game Event: Received the Mission: ‘Roid Rage Against the Machine!
- Game Event: Fitness fabulous personry added to bookmarks.
- Player Action: pwn Fitness fabulous personry
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: ‘Roid Rage Against the Machine!
- Optional: Read the Tubmail (THE_**** has sent you a TubSonicTM message!)
When you deploy your tenth code (of any type)
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from Krystl_crackr1969.
- Player Action: Read the Tubmail (Hell hath no fury… )
- Game Event: Opheliamammary glandsupp added to contacts.
- Player Action: sTalk Opheliamammary glandsupp
- Game Event: Woe Is Us added to bookmarks.
- Game Event: Headbanger’s Hellhole…of Death added to bookmarks.
- Game Event: Received the Mission: Become An Hero
In addition, you receive the Martyrdom Ability. You must now enter these two forums, bumume the identities Ophelia gave you, and kill yourself. The forum order doesn’t matter.
- Player Action: Enter Woe Is Us as AnGuitarHero and kill yourself.
- Game Event: Cinematic
- Player Action: Enter Headbanger’s Hellhole…of Death as sir-cry-a-lot and kill yourself.
- Game Event: Cinematic
- Game Event: Completed the Mission: Become An Hero
- Game Event: Opheliamammary glandsupp sent you 250 Flezz
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from Opheliamammary glandsupp.
- Game Event: Received Tubmail from RockStarGrrl69.
- Player Action: Read Ophelia’s Tubmail(my poesy): Auto-downloads “Ophelia’s Bad Poetry” ability.
- Optional: Read RockStarGrrl69’s Tubmail
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