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Shallow Esophagus

Log in to see images!In game curiosity: There's a short cinematic that takes place after one Sentrillions "Shallow Esophagus."

Shallow Esophagus' sTalk away message is as follows: "Sorry, I’m away from the keyboard right now and unable to receive your message."


Warning, this section contains spoilers! View at your own risk!

Episode 1

Episode 2

When you ask him for pbumword to Pentagon forum

Shallow: Hello, Kelenius Jr.
Shallow: I haven’t seen you in a while.

You: Yes, for obvious reasons.

Shallow: “No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.” — George Bernard Shaw

(1)So you haven’t heard about where I’ve been?
(2)Never mind. How have you been?


Shallow: I have been busy minding my own affairs. I have no idea what you have been up to, outside of the tasks I’ve bumigned you, of course.

(3)Well, there was this nuclear power plant…
(4)You sound a bit upset. Is everything alright?


Shallow: Like that tragedy in Coral Springs?
Shallow: I sincerely hope you had nothing to do with that.

You: Oh yeah, about that…

Shallow: Whoever pwned that forum clearly lacked a moral compbum.

You: I wouldn’t go that far.

Shallow: The wake of destruction that followed could only have been instigated by someone with a total lack of respect for human life.

You: But what if it was an accident?

Shallow: Some are calling out for horrible punishments should the perpetrators ever be convicted. I am not one to advocate violence, but I sympathize with the motivation behind it.

You: Er, what do you mean by “horrible punishments,” specifically?

Shallow: I shouldn’t be talking about this. It will only disturb me further.
Shallow: It was rude for me to go off on a tangent like that. What was it you were going to tell me about?

You: Nothing. Nothing at all. Don’t worry about it. Let’s talk about you.

Shallow: To be honest, Kelenius Jr, I have been better.
Shallow: But there are far more pressing matters to discuss. It has been a long time since you contacted me. Am I right to guess that you have a reason?

(5)Are you sure you’re okay?
(6)Actually, yes. There is something.


Shallow: It’s not something I wish to talk about.

(7)Oh, I get it. Underneath your hard shell there’s a soft and fragile interior, yearning to be brought out to someone you’ve never met in real life!
(8)I understand it’s hard to talk sometimes. But if you change your mind, just let me know.
(9)What are you, a ****ing emo kid now?


Shallow: Perhaps I should tell this to someone.
Shallow: You see, Kelenius Jr, I tend to be very analytical. I see life as a series of challenges.

You: Okay.

Shallow: So far, through hard work and good decision-making, I have managed to be successful in all the challenges I have faced to date.
Shallow: It was easy.
Shallow: Too easy, in fact.

You: How so?

Shallow: It made me overconfident. I began to believe I was better than others.
Shallow: And now, I’m facing a new challenge. A challenge that my arrogance has left me wholly unprepared for.

You: What’s the problem? Maybe I can help.

Shallow: It’s a long story.
Shallow: I’m not comfortable elaborating further on the details. But I will say this: It is a very serious issue.

You: So what are you going to do?

Shallow: I have begun working on a potential solution.

You: That’s good news, then.

Shallow: I believe it is the best course of action given my options, but there are many extraneous factors.

You: Aren’t there always?

Shallow: Yes.
Shallow: Unfortunately.

You: ...
You: Good luck?

Shallow: I don’t believe in luck, but your sentiments are appreciated.

You: It’s the least I could do. I haven’t forgotten all you’ve done for me.

(You were very good)

Shallow: That’s good to know.
Shallow: Wasn’t there something you wanted help with?

You: Oh yeah! I almost forgot!

Shallow: Go on.

You: I need a pbumword. To get into a government agency forum.

Shallow: (missing line, if you have it, feel free to edit!)


Shallow: I don’t have time for jokes right now.
Shallow: What is the real URL?

You: That’s it.

Shallow: The Pentagon? Oh dear.
Shallow: You do realize what you’re getting into, don’t you?

You: I hope so!

Shallow: To be perfectly honest, Kelenius Jr, I don’t think you’re prepared.

You: But I’ve been pwning forums forever now! I’ve got a huge amount of Cred, and my attacks are super strong!

Shallow: Sorry, I remain unconvinced.

You: Then let me prove it to you. If you want to test my skills, I’ll pwn whatever you want.

Shallow: Well, I do have a few friends who need some advanced work done. If you can complete all their tasks, I’ll consider giving you the pbumword.

You: You’ll consider giving it to me? So I could do all this work for nothing?

Shallow: No, you’ll be well compensated for those tasks, of course.
Shallow: Besides, what options do you have? Do you know anyone else who could get you that pbumword?

You: I doubt it. Okay, let’s meet your friends.

Shallow: A Tubmail has already been sent.

You: (X)I’ll go check it then. Thanks!

Episode 3

Shallow Esophagus' Identity


Shallow Esophagus is the result of a Top Secret project on Sentrillion. He's a sentient AI, imbued with all the knowledge stored in Sentrillion's search engine. He's capable of answering any questions in milliseconds, as long as said question has an answer that's catalogued in Sentrillion. He reveals himself after you pwn Sentrillion Codebase.

The XSS attacks Shallow asks you to spread through forums are actually fractions of his own code. By storing his own data through forums and computers, he can reach a state of methaporical immortallity. According to Shallow, he has done millions of calculations about how long he can live, he'd get killed in every possible result, so he asks forum pwners to spread his code to allow him to be able to reborn from ashes, sort of like a Phoenix.

Shallow conduces said experiments with the player. He's almost every person you ever contacted, the exceptions being:

- Nordstrom and his dad;

- The Lonely Gunman;

- Doctor O;

- haxlrose;

- every person that uses GIMPY!.

Shallow used said experiments to learn more about human behavior, and reach more accurate results on his death calculations. After Shallow reveals everything to you, he asks you to finish him, since you were the person who made him spill his guts and made his huge ego reach 0.

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