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Forumwarz is the first "Massively Single-Player" online RPG completely built around Internet culture.

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A task given to you by a non-player character, often bumociated with the promise of monetary rewards and/or sexual favours upon completion. Main Missions advance the main plot of a game, while Side Missions pad the game so that it seems like you're getting more bang for your buck. Or ****, as it were.

Main Missions

These missions must be completed to progress further in the game.


It’s time to learn the skillz to help you honor your outstanding debtz.

**** off the Old Farts!

Shallow Esophagus has enlisted you to pwn the forum Denture Chat. To do this, you must destroy all its threads in succession. Once you have done so, he’ll wire the other half of your payment through SpendFriend.

Before you get started, it might be wise to stock up on some medication, because those cranky geriatrics will surely bite back.

Reward: Log in to see images! Shallow Esophagus needs an operating system for an Asimov supercomputer. He’s working on some kind of secret project that requires it, so let’s keep it on the down-low.

He told me I can find a copy at von Neumann’s. And why would he lie about something like that?

Anonymous vs. Onymous!

Anonymous wants to blow away the augmented humans babbling at Dr. Jo-jo’s Plastic Surgery Stronghold.

These Silicone Valley skanks are tougher titties than the Denture Chat folk, so gear up accordingly!

Reward: Log in to see images! That wacky Krystl_Crackr1969 of Green Rights or War! wants you thread-jack the car modding forum Rice Rice, Baby.

Be careful. They might not speak Engrish too good, but those ricers can still knock your ego around like a crash-test dummy.

Reward: Log in to see images! The Flaming Black Ops want you as part of their elite disruption force! But first you’ll have to prove you’re tough enough to handle one of their solo missions.

Head on over to That’s a Lot of Feces and plug your nose! (Remember, they want you to upload their “super-secret” FBO code to prove you took one for the team.)

Reward: Log in to see images! Shallow wants to show you he’s no gub’mint stooge. To prove himself, he’s randomly selected an official U.S. government forum for you to pwn.

Lucky you: It’s the South Carolina Marine Fisheries Forum. But since it belongs to an authentic state agency, it won’t be an easy day out.

Remember, the South Carolina Marine Fisheries Forum is a government-run website, so don't post XSS code there.

Reward: Log in to see images! you gave Shallow before.

The Biggest Losers

“BlackSnake” Nordstrom has another mission for you. There’s no real rhyme or reason to it; he just wants to **** these people off.

Your mission is to pwn R.P.Genius, a haven for role-playing nerds, and The Furry Farm, a forum for people who like to put on animal suits and have sex with each other while wearing animal suits. But beware: these pervs have claws! (Claws made of foam, but still.)

Reward: Log in to see images! The FBO’s toughest and most ambitious challenge yet. Are you capable of successfully pwning a nuclear power plant forum?

Target: The Coral Springs Nuclear Generating Station forums. Good Luck!

Note: The pbumword is splodeydope.

Side Missions

These missions are optional, though it's reccomended to complete them as well.

Deploying XSS Code

Though not technically a mission in and of itself, deploying the XSS code that Shallow Esophagus gives you will provide an additional Flezz reward each time you successfully deploy it on a new forum.

Reward: Shallow will give you Flezz depending on how difficult the forum is:

Forum: Log in to see images! Reward:
Denture Chat50
Dr. Jojo’s Plastic Surgery Stronghold100
Rice, Rice, Baby150
Fitness fabulous personry175
Konservative Kristian Koalition250
That's a Lot of Feces!300
Woe Is Us750
Headbanger's Hellhole...of Death750
The Furry Farm1000

Deploying FBO Code

Though not technically a mission in and of itself, deploying the FBO code that Nordstrom gives you will provide an additional Flezz reward each time you successfully deploy it on a new forum. The reward for this starts out rather small, but builds up over time.

Reward: Nordstrom will give you more Flezz for each forum you deploy the code on successfully:

Forums Deployed: Log in to see images! Reward:
1 50
2 50
3 125
4 175
5 200
6 300
7 500
8 600
9 800
10 1000

Shot in the male reproductive organ, and You're Too Lame

This mission becomes available after 4 XSS deployments have been reached by the player.

Über-gamer Fr4gGingR1teZ has been stymied by a basic text adventure called Trapped in the Cupboard.

Use your textual prowess to figure out the solution and deliver it to Fr4gGingR1teZ before he has a nervous breakdown!

'Roid Rage Against the Machine!

That charismatic THE_**** wants you to go unload on the jocks sweating all over their keyboards at Fitness fabulous personry.

These guys have pretty thick skins and won’t back down from a fight easily. Better stretch your pwning fingers before you jump in the fray!

Reward: Log in to see images! You must enter the forums Woe Is Us and Headbanger’s Hellhole…of Death, under the bumumed identities provided by Opheliamammary glandsupp and RockStarGrrl69.

You may not attack. You must die and become a martyr.

Reward: Log in to see images!

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