As a reply to your comment, perhaps your right. It might not be Ebony. But then again, she might’ve been poisoned by the chat speak Ebonics. I mean with the rise of texting and the ‘IDK MY BFF JIll’ commercial gave rise to a generation lacking in grammar. Which is driving me close to choosing English as my Major to remedy it.

Okay, for those who missed my first post, you can find it HERE

For those who have read chapter one, you can continue on to Chapter Two.

Godspeed. Also I’d like to let you know, if I continue at the rate I’m doing this (reviewing about 3 chapters a day) I should have the series done by next week. (I don’t think I can do this weekend as it is 4th of July weekend, chances are I will dragged out of The Ska Cave to some party.)

Any way, I’m surprised I’m still living with all that exposure.

Dude. I read the first 2 pages of this thread, then went on a search of the internet that somehow ended up on transexual nuns. WTF? You made me lose my lunch. But I like the recap. Roflmao.

Chapter Three is up. Expect chapter four probably in the afternoon. I’m writing chapter five’s review as we speak.

Chapter Four. And with that, I’m off for the weekend! Happy fourth to my fellow yanks! XD

Chapters Five and Six are up. And I’m off to bed.

I’ve just realised the level that ‘My Immortal’ works on. The story itself is laughable and poorly written, yes, but that’s the point.

Many great horror writers can weave stories that stay with you long after the have read the last word. H.P Lovecraft was a master of this. The overlying theme in his works is that of nihilism. Human are worthless in the universal scheme, and the time is coming when we will be swept aside by things that defy all that we thought was concrete. Even to glimpse these veritable Gods is to give in to an all consuming madness. Even his weaker works, such as ‘The Dreams in the Witch House’ can inspire fear and hopelessness. In fact, that aforementioned story has left me with a crippling fear of purple lights.

‘My Immortal’ works on the same level, except the themes it wants us to consider are barely mentioned in the text. Instead of taking the story at face value, we should peel back the curtain and look at the author. From the text we can see she is illiterate and mentally imbalanced. She makes many references to Ebony ‘cutting herself’ and how, since she is a vampire, she cannot die.

Tara herself, however, can die. By mocking and ridiculing this story, we forget that there is a person behind the confused facade of Ebony. A person who can be hurt physically and emotionally, just like the rest of us. One of the stark moments of horror we encounter and brush off is a line equating too: “I slit my wrists because I had been receiving negative reviews. My injuries were bad enough for me to be admitted to a hospital. You did this.”

When considered, this dire, yet seemingly harmless literary work takes on a whole new significance. What we see as a bizarre, nonsensical romp through a vastly changed Hogwarts is actually a trip through Tara’s psyche. The gothic nature of everything around Ebony represents the twisted and disturbed nature of Tara’s mind, while the ‘preps’ represent the people who, with their bullying and taunting drive her to extremes to make the pain go away. Readers, I put it to you that we are the preps.

The final moment of terror comes when the story end abruptly, seemingly still in progress. While this is not uncommon in fanfictions, due to the author losing interest in the project, what we know about Tara tells us that the truth is likely to be much darker than that. She spent a year and a half on that story. Why stop so near the end? Considering that her internet persona disappeared and that she does not respond to her E-mail, The only logical answer left is that she was consumed by depression, and took her own life. Due to people like us. If the thought that we lead this child to her own destruction doesn’t affect you, then you are a cold, soulless beast.

On with the review!

Chapter 16

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich

The plot thickens. Ebony’s only friend, thrown away like a ragdoll. This type of isolation can’t be good for a girl. Exhibit A, chapter 16.

gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis!

Apparently, this rift between the two was caused by a packet of Haribo. What sort of delicious devilry are those sweets endowed with?

Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!

Britney5655, you have made my list.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played.

You mean you missed it? Sucks to be you, I know.

We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so ****ing happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures.

…Hmm. Interesting choice of man there.

Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection

If you were staring at Gerald, how could you notice Draco’s crotch? Actually, don’t answer that.

but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother.

“But that was only because I poison his drink every morning. If he ****es me off, he’s not getting the antidote.”

I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants.

What was that? I wasn’t paying attention. Oh wait, it’s another scene where Ebony manages to change her clothes without going to a wardrobe. Where does she keep all those outfits?

Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched.

I know what she means, but she makes it sound like they beat each other with baguettes and onions.

We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive.

Is this where the band jumps down onto the audience? If so, I hope that they crush you beneath their enormous frame.

Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!

Surprise, surprise. I hope that didn’t scare you too much children. For those of you traumatised by the turns this story takes, a special childline support group has been commissioned.

“Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!” I shouted angrily.

Wait what? What was all that crap above if not them going to the concert? Ebony, we have a word for what you just did. We call it sadism.

“Not after what happened to me last time?

“What DID happen to me last time? I woke up tied to a radiator wearing a street cone on my head.”

Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them”

Ebony truly is a mistress of restraint. Oh wait, is this the same Ebony who jumped on Harry during clbum? never mind.

“What cause we…you know…” he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don’t like to talk a bout you-know-what.

This just proves Ebony has no concept of boys and, in fact, has probably never met one.

“Yeah cause we you know!” I yielded in an angry voice.

If you hated it so much the first time, why did you do it again? And again? And again?

“We won’t do that again.” Draco promised. “This time, we’re going with an ESCORT.”

“It’s Hagrid. Nothing untoward could possibly happen while he’s guarding us! Hang on, wrong story. Erm, I really can’t think of anyone. Sorry.”

“OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?” I asked. “So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?”

Ebony just cannot be pleased. There’s a joke I could make here, but the entire female population of the internet would lynch me.

“NO.” he muttered loudly.

“R u becoming a prep or what?” I shootd angrily.

“Am I boffered? Look at my face, does it look boffered? I’m not boffered.”

“Enoby! I’m not! Pls come with me!” He fell down to his knees and started singing ‘Da world is black’ by GC to me.

What is it with you and bursting into song to profess your love? If this happened in real life, I could’ve ambumed several lovers by now. Have you ever heard ‘the hunting song’? Look it up sometime.

I was flattened

Yes! Jam pancakes for all!

cause that’s not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

Oh, it was just an error. Move on people, there’s nothing to see here.

“OK then I guess I will have to.” I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

If they have sex in there it will invalidate all of the above. Why must Ebony do this to us?

B’loody Mary was standing there. “Hajimema****e gurl.” she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese).

I’m no scholar of Japanese, but that looks like it was spelled pretty accurately. How the hell can she spell Japanese but not English? My head hurts.

“BTW Willow that ****ing poser got expuld. she failed al her klbumes and she skepped math.” (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)

Are we supposed to be taking sides? There won’t be enough of Ebony to go around!

“It serves that fuking bich right.” I laughed angrily.

This may seem unrealistic, but unfortunately break ups this bad happen fairly often. You can’t move without being drafted into a ‘I’m better than you’ war.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas.

Don’t drag Tim Burton into this. I like him. He doesn’t deserve it.

“Maybe Willow will die too.” I said.

“Kawai.”

I don’t think that means what you think it does. Cute? How does that relate to the situation at hand?

B’loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly.

Contradiction! Right there! Back to back! That’s six month is writers jail!

“Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”

You sick bastards. You’ve broken every single taboo and yet you’re still going. How do you manage?

“Kawai.” I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

Contradic… Never mind.

“OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr.” I sed. “ I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”

“It also has to be comfortable while I’m fighting an Angel whilst within a giant robot.”

B’Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”

My mood, literally, has just dropped from mildly happy to despondant.

“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

No, Claire’s accessories. Where do you think, you idiot?

“No.” My head snaped up.

Well, consider me corrected.

‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “B’Loody Mary are u a PREP?”

You jump to conclusions quite a lot, don’t you? Just cause you don’t shop at hot topic doesn’t mean you’re a prep. Now watch this. “I am your father, Luke.”

“NOOOO!NOOOO!”

“Search your feelings. You know it to be true.”

She laughed. “I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that’s all.”

“Hu told u abut them” I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.

What has Harry done to you lately? Oh yeah, he helped saved your boyfriends life. That’s a rational hatred if ever I’ve seen one.

“Dumblydore.” She sed. “Let me just call our broms.”

Dumbledore?

“OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?” I asked quietly.

Dumbledore? Mcgonagall? Flitwick? Rocky? Dumbledore?

“Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk.” She told me. “Come on let’s go.”

The cowards way out. ‘I saw a map on his desk.’ Pah.

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE

Make up your mind. Who’s hottest? There must be some reasoning left in your ravaged mind.

and he gave me a few dresses. “We only have these for da real goffs.”

“Ebony, you are the goff princess!” “OMG NO a Princess?? I HAE PRINCES! THEIR’re all preps!”

“Da real goffs?” Me and B’Loody Mary asked.

“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.”

A goffic camera pouch. Right. Wait a minute, did you turn away some customers? I’m sure that will reflect nicely on you at the next shareholders meeting.

He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”

This line is oddly awesome, yet misguided. Near everyone has a camera, and yet he bumumes that the peeping toms don’t. Marvellous.

“OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

She’s worn more clothes in this week long story than I have in a year. Then again, my sense of hygiene is appalling.

“Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit” The salesperson said.

It’s either ‘oh my Satan’ or ‘oh my God’. The two just can’t co-exist, unless your theology is as bad as your English.

“Yeah it looks totlly hot.” said B’Loody Mary.

“You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?” he asked.

This is the worst sales clerk EVER. I’m bumuming he’s here on work experience.

“Yeah I am actually.” I looked back at him. “Hey BTW my name’s ebondy dark’ness dementia TARA

Where did that come from?

way what’s yours?”

“Tom Rid.”

No way. Please don’t tell me this is who I think it is. This is low, even for Ebony.

He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. “maybe I’ll see you there tonight.”

I bet you will. IN BED.

“Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!”

That’s our Ebony! Quick to jump to conclusions and quick to anger. Also, she defies all knowledge about how human beings work.

I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. “OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!”

“Something arbitrary has popped up! Since you are out BESTEST STUDNET EVAR, we absolutely, posititutely cannot cope without you. Help us Ebony!You’re our only hope!”

Something is very, very wrong with the universe right now.

I’m actually considering writing an essay about ‘My Immortal’ in the style of my opening statement. It may be… Enlightening. If I do get around to it, you can find it right here, in this thread. See you next time!

I strongly believe that Tara has faked her death and is now living under an bumumed name in Monaco. Why Monaco? Why NOT Monaco? Anyway thank you for the recognition and another revolting chapter.

Chapter Seven and Eight are up. Nine is drafted and Ten…I might start later today.

Okay so I was on fanfiction.net looking for stories to rip into (filter set to show romance stories obviously) and I found this absolute masterpiece set in the Halo universe.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4368062/1/Head_Over_Heels

Grunt/elite yaoi(gay) fluff, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

As a general rule if the author can string together a full sentence without murdering the English language they’re safe from me. Unless the story is really, really bad.

That grunt and elite thing was actually sorta funny in a parody sort of way. Plus like you said at least it didn’t get too descriptive (if only because nobody would know how the **** to picture it).

I’m probably more inclined to go with one of the 2 remaining HM stories I found earlier of preferably something far longer. Possibly tread into weaboo territory looking for victims if I can man up enough to stray into there.

Herrick: You could try to find a ghost in the shell fanfic. I just know that, due to the intellectual nature of the anime, there will be several stories that miss the point entirely and redefine stupid. “Look at me! I’m being deep! LOLOL!”

I’m afraid to even go in there, for fear that their bizarre philosophical statements begin to make sense.

If all else fails, look into the Neon Genesis Evangelion section. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though.