please review your draft for at least 3 major corrections I have spotted, also stop referencing memes. That’s a bit conceded. The internet will decide for you whether anything is meme material if it’s funny enough.

wilD-****22 Posted:

oblivious to the rules on trolling in the IRL rooms are we?. silly fabulous person.

they shld make u a mod

BeBoBli Posted:

please review your draft for at least 3 major corrections I have spotted, also stop referencing memes. That’s a bit conceded. The internet will decide for you whether anything is meme material if it’s funny enough.

Thanks for the constructive criticism, but it would help if you could tell me where the errors are. I really have no desire to wade through this 7 page epic unless I know exactly where to look. Maybe I did go overboard with the meme referencing and everything, but I thought it was funny, so I included it.

For those of you who enjoyed this frankly awful piece of work, expect a new chapter soonish. Due to several TL;DR comments, the format will more episodic, with one chapter per post. Now even those who thought themselves safe can ‘enjoy’ it!

Cats Posted:

Didn’t this turn out to be a huge joke?

Like, it’s not real. It can’t be real.

Unfortunatley, it is. The ‘writer’ still freaks out on anyone ‘flaming’(read: commenting on) her story.

Review more chapters. Log in to see images!

No there are actually people like that. We call them losers.

I can’t stand more than a minute of “attempted” reading. The only thing I bought from Hot Topic was a belt made of bullets.

Despite it being bad internet manners, I am bumping this thread so that all the kind people who humoured my need to rip up some poor child’s misguided fantasy know that I am still alive. Chapter 7 is already written, so the delay shouldn’t be that long this time.

Today is a special day for me. I will celebrate by posting another awful, awful chapter of ‘My Immortal’. Yep, it’s time for chapter 7.

Chapter 7

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

I wouldn’t touch that spelling with a long pole, and if you had any sense, neither would you. Also, Ebony proves that the rise of Satanism is directly correlated to the Harry Potter series, or, more accurately, this particular fan fiction. I can only hope that Ebony is confined to the 9th circle of hell for this blasphemous piece of work.

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Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs.

Grammar, we miss you, and want you to come home.

I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).

A goffik Mary Sue, yes.

I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.

Potter craves the male reproductive organ, you see. In this department, either Ebony or Draco will do.

Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

Yes, yes, you and your ever so feminine boyfriend are going to **** each other senseless, I know. In Ebony’s case, that isn’t so hard to do, as she has precious little sense to begin with.

We started frenching pbumively

Oh ho HO. Trouble in Paradise, I see. Maybe this means no underage sex this chapter?

and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically.

Never mind, false alarm.

He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine

He put his boy thingy in your boy thingy? How does that work, exactly? On second thought, I’ve decided I really don’t want to know. On a completely unrelated note, why is someone who is so enthusiastic about the word ‘****’ so afraid to use the words ‘male reproductive organ’ and ‘woman's genitals’? Answers on a postcard, please.

and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

Considering that you’re currently on school property, both 17, and you’re not using a condom, I’d say that yes, it is pretty bloody stupid, you brazen hussy.

“Oh Draco, Draco!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco’s arm.

Probably that’s because you only met him yesterday.

It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire!

I was so angry.

So am I. I’m bloody fur… I’ve made this joke before, haven’t I?

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Draco pleaded.

I’m pretty sure that Draco’s right in this particular situation. I wonder why?

But I knew too much.

Exactly the opposite, I’m afraid.

“No, you ****ing idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”

I really, REALLY hope that he does.

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out.

I’m not sure huffily is even a word, but my spell checker says otherwise, so I’m going to give Ebony the benefit of the doubt on this one.

Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what

‘male reproductive organ’. Come on, it’s not that hard. Uh, I mean it’s not that hard to say the word ‘male reproductive organ’. Not that I think Draco is hard or anything, because that would be gay, and at this pivotal stage of my life, gay thoughts are the last thing I need.

but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s clbumroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

Probably Ivory Abyss Alzheimer Jackdaw Path and prep #574.

“VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU ****!” I yelled.

Oh I see; she saw that tattoo as a sign of Draco’s infidelity! There are several problems with that bumumption. Allow me to list them all. First, a tattoo saying ‘I love vampire’ could quite possibly mean that Draco loves vampires, but that he was too cheap to afford the ‘s’. Secondly, since Draco has been having sex with Ebony for most of the fic, I would sincerely doubt he had the time or energy to engage in an enthusiastic round of buggery with Harry, let alone time enough to get that tattoo. Finally, this fic is horrible enough as it is without homoerotic content. It is for those three reasons, Ebony, that I am seriously considering finding out where you live, and giving your address to my goth friend who was, frankly, extremely offended by even the title of your work. If he lives up to his word, expect to meet an angry goth with a cricket bat very soon.

Welp, that’s the end of that chapter. If you excuse me, I’m going to read something more wholesome, like the Necronomicon. Until we meet again.

OK, this chapter is where I’m finally convinced she’s writing a clever parody. She can’t even spell her character’s name correctly half the time, but she nails “enthusiastically” on the first try?

It’s possible that her spelling on “enthusiastic” was so horribly mangled even she couldn’t read it. Dictionary. Can someone paypel her a few bucks for a spellchecker. God damn.

But there is a part of me that is thinking it’s on purpose now.