I’m taking a speech clbum this semester, and I have a speech due on Wednesday. It is an introductory speech, 4-6 minutes in length, that requires I compare myself to an inanimate object (that I must bring to clbum) via metaphor/simile. I’m at a loss for ideas, so if you give me an idea that leads to the successful completion of this speech, I will award you with 3BP. Please note that I’m not rich, so don’t list items that cannot be reasonably obtained. Log in to see images!

An example given in clbum:

‘I am like this book. My cover may not be the prettiest, but once you open me up you find limitless depth.’

EDIT: minor edit to speech requirements

“I am like a pencil I create vast amounts of art and ideas, and when I have done something wrong I would easily erase it”

The uncreative way:

“I am like X. We both exist. According to quantum theory, there is a negligible chance for each of us that we do not exist. Both of our mbumes increase as we move faster, but that is usually not noticeable in daily human interaction. We both cause turbulence when we move through air…”

Just use the innate properties of all solid objects with which we usually interact. The xkcd forums seem to be good for followup ideas along this line.

If you need contrasts, you can elaborate on how X is inanimate and you aren’t. For example,

“I am not like X in that I am an animate, thinking, feeling entity and X is not. I can solve problems requiring more imagination than X has. I can adapt to new cirgreat timesstances better than X can. I can interact in societies, and X cannot…”

X could be a brick, for example.

Find some good wood. ‘I am like wood. I am solid and trustworthy and loyal. In skilled hands I can become something beautiful that will last a lifetime. A powerful and resolute object that is only stronger with each knot.’

Go on like that for a while use the comedy effect of having wood (wink at the girls Log in to see images!

I am like the pee in your pants…everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.

The_Steel_Cretin Posted:

Via metaphor or simile? The example you gave is a simile.

Good catch. Edited.

i am like this dildoe, i’m at least 9 inches from base to tip, i have veins, and i’ve been inside of your wifes woman's genitals.

I am like this mirror, I can see what you look like but I can’t tell what you are thinking.

I would use “the earth”. There are multiple directions you can go here.

Key points:

I have two sides that are as different as night and day.

I can be as violent as volcanic eruptions (be very loud and boisterous here) and as calm and tranquil as the sea (with a very soothing voice). The tone you use can really set you apart. Also use hand gestures, raising fists when boisterous, slow, smooth gestures when calm. Seriously.

I am the most important thing to all living beings and I am often taken for granted. Without me you would have no food, no water, no shelter. Without me, humanity would be floating aimlessly, but I keep everyone grounded. And one day, one person will understand my true importance to our society and share it with the rest of the world. Then I will have a day named after me.

Use a prop. If you can find a small foam earth and paint half of it black to illustrate night / day. If you don’t use this idea, you might want to consider using a prop anyway. A small one. One you can toss aside in the middle of the speech to free up your hands for gestures.