Where did you get your degree, and do they offer refunds? It seems like you might need to see about one…

ShadyPixels Posted:

Where did you get your degree, and do they offer refunds? It seems like you might need to see about one…

I GOT MY DEGREE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF NUNYA. NUNYA GODDAMN BUSINESS. YOU DON’T LIKE MY ADVICE, SEEK MEDICAL HELP ELSEWHERE.

deadfine upstanding member of societybabies Posted:

I have a large pile of deceased colored children. Whats the best way to **** them all at once?

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS USE PROTECTION. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. YOU DON’T WANT TO CATCH AIDS, AND CHANCES ARE 9 OUT OF 10 OF YOUR DECEASED COLORED INFANTS ARE AIDS-INFESTED.

Crinkz Posted:

Every time I see a little girl I get a boner. This is embarbuming as I work in a pre-school as a teacher. What should I do about this?

BECOMING SEXUALLY AROUSED AT THE SIGHT OF YOUNG CHILDREN IS PERFECTLY NORMAL AND HEALTHY, BUT IN MOST CULTURES IT IS CONSIDERED ‘BAD’ , ‘SICK’, AND ‘ILLEGAL’. I CAN SEE WHERE THIS WOULD CAUSE YOU SOME DISTRESS, ESPECIALLY SEEING AS YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE CHOSEN A CAREER PLACING YOURSELF AMIDST DOZENS OF RAMBUNCTIOUS YOUNGSTERS ON A DAILY BASIS. BECAUSE YOU NEED TO PAY YOUR BILLS, ESPECIALLY YOUR INTERNET BILL SO YOU CAN CONTINUE TO SWAP HOT CP WITH OTHERS AROUND THE WORLD, I RECOMMEND DENIM PANTS OF A VERY HEAVY THICK NATURE BE WORN BY YOU AT ALL TIMES WHEN AT WORK. IT WILL HELP TO HIDE YOUR ERECTION WHICH IN TURN WILL HELP YOU TO MAINTAIN YOUR EMPLOYMENT (AND YOUR FREEDOM).

Dr. Fingerz, sometimes when I wake up in the morning there’s a white spot on my sheets. Could I have cancer?

Docter Fingerz,

I have to walk through the park to get home from school 5 days a week and every time I do hoboes

drag me into the bushes and put their hobo weiners in my bum. Is this enough exercise for a growing boy or should I ask my parents for weights?

OrsonScottCard Posted:

Dr. Fingerz, sometimes when I wake up in the morning there’s a white spot on my sheets. Could I have cancer?

SHEETSOTHELIOMA IS A VERY SERIOUS CANCER CAUSED BY MASTURBATING TOO OFTEN TO IMAGES SEEN ON THE INTERNET. AT THIS TIME THERE IS NO KNOWN CURE, THOUGH TREATMENT WHICH INCLUDES DISCONNECTION OF INTERNET SERVICE IS PRODUCING FAVORABLE RESULTS IN TEST GROUPS. YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TRY TO GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE MORE AND STAY AWAY FROM THE INTERNET- I RECOMMEND FOR THE NEXT 3 WEEKS AT LEAST. HOPEFULLY IN THAT TIME YOU CAN MEET A WOMAN- MIRACULOUSLY, ALL SUFFERERS OF SHEETSOTHELIOMA WHO FIND GIRLFRIENDS SPONTANEOUSLY RECOVER FROM THIS DEBILITATING, HORRIBLE DISEASE.

uRAWR Posted:

Docter Fingerz,

I have to walk through the park to get home from school 5 days a week and every time I do hoboes

drag me into the bushes and put their hobo weiners in my bum. Is this enough exercise for a growing boy or should I ask my parents for weights?

IF YOU AREN’T PUTTING UP A FIGHT WITH THE HOBOES YOU AREN’T GETTING THE FULL RANGE OF BENEFITS AVAILABLE TO YOU FROM THE HOBO bumSEX WORKOUT REGIME. IF YOU GO WILLINGLY, BY ALL MEANS HAVE YOUR FOLKS PURCHASE A 4-20LB DUMBBELL SET SO YOU CAN BUILD SOME MUSCLE TONE IN ADDITION TO GETTING YOUR CARDIO IN.

ALSO, A HEPATITIS SHOT SERIES IS IN ORDER. PLEASE STOP BY THE CLINIC ON MONDAY AND TRINI WILL BE HAPPY TO bumIST YOU WITH THAT.

What is this woman's genitals thing people are always talking about?

Greg House Posted:

Is it lupus?

IT COULD BE LUPUS BUT 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 IT ENDS UP BEING ANOTHER AUTOIMMUNE DISORDER. BEST TO RUN BLOOD CULTURES AND SEE IF ANYTHING’S GROWING IN THERE BEFORE BEGINNING TREATMENT FOR LUPUS. BELOW IS A HANDY CHECKLIST I GO THRU WHEN DIAGNOSING MY PATIENTS WITH LUPUS; YOU MIGHT WANT TO COPY THIS FOR USE IN YOUR OWN CLINIC, DR. HOUSE. IT EVEN GIVES YOU THE PERCENTAGE OF PATIENTS WHO TYPICALLY EXHIBIT EACH SYMPTOM. CHEERS!

* Achy joints / arthralgia (95 percent)

* Fever of more than 100 degrees F / 38 degrees C (90 percent)

* Arthritis / swollen joints (90 percent)

* Prolonged or extreme fatigue (81 percent)

* Skin Rashes (74 percent)

* Anemia (71 percent)

* Kidney Involvement (50 percent)

* Pain in the chest on deep breathing / pleurisy (45 percent)

* bumerfly-shaped rash across the cheeks and nose (42 percent)

* Sun or light sensitivity / photosensitivity (30 percent)

* Hair loss (27 percent)

* Abnormal blood clotting problems (20 percent)

* Raynaud’s phenomenon / fingers turning white and/or blue in the cold (17 percent)

* Seizures (15 percent)

* Mouth or nose ulcers (12 percent)