So, I come back from the funeral of Gentlemens, and I’m feeling a bit shook up, so I go into my lab thinking I can find some solace there, and, like, what the ****, man, someone’s been in there. Again.

Apparently, I left the door open or something BECAUSE I WAS A LITTLE UPSET ABOUT GENTLEMEN, and everyone just thinks “Hey, amaranthus’ lab is open, let’s go check it out!” And there’s like, ****ing BINARY code all over the chalkboard, and a note from the kid, and some kind of ****ing tabloid.

Check it out:

My blackboard

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The note

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And, I mean, seriously, what the ****? She’s just a kid, and she’s risking her life, and none of you stupid ****s tried to stop her?. I mean, I know she’s a nuisance but she’s kind of our responsibility when she’s in our… um… care, don’t you think? (But, of course, none of you think, now do you.)

And, finally, here’s the tabloid

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I mean, seriously, who the **** reads this ****? It’s embarrbuming. ****. And, like what’s with the monka— hey! What the hell! Didn’t that thing stop publishing a year ago? What the…

****. Janie! JANIE! WHat the **** are you trying to pull here?

So, um, did you get her sample?

Don’t worry, she’s okay.

I was there too…only I was mostly in the bathroom because my brother stuck laxatives with my pills again. You’d think I’d learn the first time, but I just get so upset sometimes and then I just take a handful of whatever I have.

Monkey in a suit with a gun Posted:

Agent, as funny as it would have been to sneak into your lab and mess with ****, it wasn’t any of us.

Uh, yeah. Har-de-har-har.

As for the annoying girl, I had people bumigned to watch her, that girl is more trouble than the KGB was…I miss those days, the cold war…*sigh*

Well, hire a better babysitter next time. Who knows what she might have gotten her hands on in my lab. Sigh… I know she means well, and her curiosity about botany is actually quite refreshing… but she has a tendency to… well… get in over her head sometimes.

Anyway as for your lab, that message on the chalkboard, it’s been turning up everywhere[...]

Is it the same as the previous one? The one in an alphabetic cipher?

I have an idea of what might be going on, but I need to make a few more things add up before I say anything.

Sure, whatever. That’s, like, your job, right?

...well let’s just say that our communications may be compromised, and I am working on a way to get them secure once again.

Clearly, more than just our communications have been compromised. ****, man… when I came here, I was promised access to a secure facility.

Well, anyways, has anyone seen the samples the girl promised in her note? Probably a couple of ounces of putrid, bloody meat and some bone shards?

And… seriously, guys, what about this Weekly World News ****? Why does it have yesterday’s date on it? I mean, really, it did cease publication last year, right? Or am I having false memories…?

Monkey in a suit with a gun Posted:

I think the chalkboard message is a variation on the others, not certain yet, still working on it.

I’ll put more people around your lab to insure it’s security, don’t get your panties all twisted Agent these SNAFU’s happen in this line of work.

As for the paper, as far as I know that thing hasn’t been in print for a year so while you are a complete nutjob, you aren’t wrong about that.

Look take a breath clean your lab up, or better yet, stop chasing out that damned maid we hired to do it, and let her ****ing do her job, and we’ll get to work making the pieces fit…I have an idea, but it sounds crazy, and you won’t like it.

Sorry, man… I get a little… tense when it comes to my lab. No offense intended, brother.

I guess Gentlemen’s death has hit us all pretty hard, too. I mean, ****, man. He was a good guy, and a fine agent. I’ll make us a pot of Mint and Hyssop tea to calm our nerves.

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As for the maid… sigh… it was probably her who left her dumb tabloid there in the first place. I’ve seen her reading the Sun. But… I’ll let her help me with the cleaning, as long as I can be there when she is, to provide direct supervision.

You can’t be too careful with… those people, you know?

Monkey in a suit with a gun Posted:

Fair enough, and since you’re being such a trooper about the maid, I’ll let you in on a little secret about that paper that almost no one knows not even most agents.

That paper has actually been printing since it went “out of print”. It’s only distributed to people in the CIA the FBI and the TGC, and usually only high ranking members, for reasons of national security.

Ah…ha. Ha, ha, ha. Good one, I guess.

Wait… you’re serious? Holy ****, you are crazy. Weekly world news is, like, totally made up ****. Come on… “FBI Captures Bat Boy,” “male reproductive organ Cheney is a Robot,” “Hilary Clinton Adopts a Baby Alien,” “Baby Born with a bumon for a Nose?” Come ON, man…

Ok, I’ll give you the male reproductive organ Cheney thing, but the other stuff… really? No. You can not expect me to believe that. I mean… ****, man. Re— no. NO! It can’t be true! There is no such thing as bigfoot! There are no “space aliens” at Roswell. No baby has ever had a bumon for a nose.

Jesus Christ… what do you take me for?

Hey…. hello? I’m your next-door neighbour. Heard some weird noises and thought I’d check things out.