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ITT: FAIL SHOWS OFF HIS ILLUSTRIOUS ITEMDr. Anansi is posting here out of concern for FAIL’s mental health. (view post) |
05/27/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" Threadlatester Posted:
Dear latester,
While Dr. Anansi appreciates your enthusiasm for psychiatry, he is concerned about your ignorance. Never fear, however, for Dr. Anansi knows such things are easily remedied: the technical term for this so-called “Pinkerton Syndrome” is actually “yellow fever”.
Scholastically yours,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/27/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreaddeMonSPaWN Posted:
Dear Demonspawn,
You are clearly suffering from a severe form of psychosis, but if it will get these fabulous persons out of my thread I’m all for it.
In Jesus’ name,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/27/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreadVeer Posted:
Dear Veer,
This is completely true. Some of them love their entire families, in fact.
However, if you were wondering—and you most certainly were—Dr. Anansi is of the Frommian school of psychoanalysis with a logotherapeutic twist. As such, he loves your mother but only finds it meaningful when she wears a bag over her head.
Wishing you the best of luck in learning to roleplay (though I’ve no idea why you should wish to do so),
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/27/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreadFAIL Posted:
Then in Dr. Anansi’s opinion, your life is complete. Wait…When was the last time you got laid?
FAIL Posted:
Clearly this is one aspect of your life that needs work, and the source of your unfortunate moniker.
Wishing you better luck than you will have,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/27/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreadMONGOLoidWARRIOR Posted:
Dear MONGOLoidWARRIOR,
A lesser man would tell you to GTFO.
With unconditional love,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/27/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreadEirairaianna Posted:
Dear Eirairaianna,
It is clear to Dr. Anansi you have in fact become so maladjusted, you should simply give up on the trappings of society and become what we professionals refer to as a “cat lady”.
Sincerely,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/27/2008 |
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breast cancer: have you been checked recently?bump for a lump (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Hillary wants Obama dead.SG94 Posted:
Very. I love the Onion. (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" Threadelenaratelimit Posted:
Dr. Anansi only makes house calls when hookers and blow are involved. (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreadDr. Anansi kindly reminds you that what you do behind closed doors is your own business. Have a pleasant stay at the “hotel” Log in to see images! (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" Threadelenaratelimit Posted:
Dear elenaratelimit,
Dr. Anansi finds it very suspicious that you say you need help yet do not think there is anything wrong with you. Consequently Dr. Anansi has recommended institutionalization. Please enjoy your lifetime stay in the padded room, complete with your own personalized straitjacket and sexual abuse at the hands of the hospital staff.
Getting better and better every day in every way,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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breast cancer: have you been checked recently?Dear ladies,
Did you know that one out of three women is at high risk for breast cancer? Did you also know that when placed side by side with two other women, you are one out of three women? This danger is too great to ignore.
Because he cares about you, Dr. Anansi is now offering free breast exams. While the most effective breast exam is in person (tubmail Dr. Anansi to make an offline appointment), Dr. Anansi will also conduct free online examinations for those women who post pictures of their breasts in this thread. Remember, topless is better as Dr. Anansi is better able to determine the presence or absence of a tumor without those pesky clothes in the way.
Please make this commitment to your wellbeing. You’re worth it.
Sincerely,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreadChito Posted:
Dear Chito,
As Dr. Anansi is grateful for your kind and substanceless words, he will give you a bit of free advice: It is clear from the people-pleasing nature of your post that you are suffering from what the DSM-V calls “small male reproductive organ syndrome” for which there is no known cure save the traditional Vedic treatment, which calls for you to DIAF.
Namasté and olly olly oxen free,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" Threadgigerth Posted:
Dear gigerth,
It is clear from your comportment around others that you are a twelve-year-old boy. Worry not, your psychological turmoil will pbum and be replaced by even greater and more disturbing trauma as you make your way through puberty.
If you would like to learn more, please schedule an additional session.
Sincerest disregards,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreadAAHZ Posted: |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" Threadrantmonkey Posted: Admitting you have a problem is the first mile marker on the highway to recovery. Dr. Anansi knows all about your little problem—under Dr. Anansi’s “interrogation lamp” your ex-girlfriend told him everything.
rantmonkey Posted: Dear Rantmonkey,
You will notice I said not always. Sometimes genuine transformation is the goal. Sometimes the transformation of perspective effects an overall transformation. (After all, it is not unhappiness that makes us so unhappy as our unhappiness about being unhappy. Just ask Viktor Frankl. No, wait, he’s dead. Just ask Dr. Anansi.) Dr. Anansi reminds you that yours is a hopeless case without painful self-hating new age exercises that pretend to be Taoist. Also…Dr. Anansi says psychiatry is not a load of hooey. As of the two of us it is Dr. Anansi who is the doctor, clearly you are wrong.
Thanks for tryin ta help, but I think I’ll ask someone more qualified. And where will you find such a person? Ha ha ha. Dr. Anansi, MD, has seven PhDs, three BAs, two BSs, and an official mail-order certificate of ordination as a minister in the Universal Life Church which enables him to perform legally binding marriages in the state of New Jersey. This leaves only two equally or further qualified people to turn to: God, and Doogie Howser. And Dr. Anansi has it on good authority that Doogie Howser doesn’t exist. (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" Threadrantmonkey Posted:
Dear Rantmonkey,
I believe you have grasped something of the essence of genuine psychiatry. The point is not always to change the patient, but rather to reframe their understanding so that what was once an affliction is now a badge of honor—or at least the more preferable of two options. Do not try to change your premature ejaculation. Embrace it wholeheartedly as a part of who you are, and remember that any woman who does not recognize and cherish this about you is a stupid **** who should be subject to abject humiliation.
In the name of mental health,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreadProject Pat Posted:
Dear sir,
I do not know where you have been, And I do not know what you have seen, But I do know that deep down South, It is all about the green.
I hope that helps.
Wishing you nonmediocrity,
Dr. Anansi (view post) |
05/26/2008 |
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Dr. Anansi's "Help For Those Who Need It" ThreadJanie Posted: |
05/26/2008 |