I AM The SKA BOSS Posted:

****, I’m doing the drinking game next chapter.

King, I would suggest this as well. While writing it. In fact twice as much as it states.

If I drank that much alcohol, I’d die.

Or wake up naked, chained to a radiator with a traffic cone on my head. And a big tattoo on my chest that states: ‘**** you, sober me. Love, King Krimson XOXOXO.’

So I think I’ll stay teetotal during reviews, if it’s all the same to you.

Drunkenlazybastard Posted:

But we love you.

If you really loved me then I’d have a link on the ‘My Immortal’ page.Log in to see images!

Inertia Posted:

Why so many replies to this bad thread?

Because you touch yourself at night

Because not everyone shares your opinions. In fact, many people think it is a good thread.

More people think it’s a bad thread, and I have been stigmatised for it, but hey, that’s the way I roll.

This story hurt me. It seriously hurt me. I might have to take up cutting now.Log in to see images!

Log in to see images!

BirdofPrey Posted:

quote this if you only read the first sentence of this thread

I tried reviving it with the WayBack Machine, but apparently FanFiction.net does not want it to come back. I guess this is the end of it.

http://edwardlovesjacob.deviantart.com/gallery/

This My Immortal copycat has some very wonderful stories and fanart.

�gOh Edwardm ny darling, my dear, my love�c�h Jacob whispered to his vvampie lover. Edward blushed (a/n lol on the inside cuz vampires can�ft blush lol Log in to see images!

Yes, it’s me again. I’m back, as I promised I would be, you lucky people you. Lesser men would have given up by now. But not me. No, I am committed to bringing you a fresh dose of horror every time I can be bothered to drag myself over to the computer and type a few words. Pull up a chair, and pour yourself a stiff drink. Believe me, You’re gonna need it. It is my solemn duty to present to you chapter 25 of ‘My Immortal’.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111

You’ll tell Justin, will you? You tell Justin. I want to meet Justin. I want to slip Justin some unmarked banknotes and a heavy brick.

n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111

I call bull****. Nerds are desperate for female companionship, yeah, but not that desperate.

FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

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I was so excited. I fellowed Draco

…Fellowed? Behold, Ladies and Gentlemen, a genuine Freudian slip.

wandering if we where going 2 do it again.

A hint: Yes.

We went outside and then we went into Draco’s black car.

“And then we went outside again, and then we went back into the car, and then we went on the bonnet, and then we came in the car.”

“Ebony what the **** did Profesor Trevolry say.” whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.

You mean Professor ‘Diablo’? The goffick name that you came up for her yourself? Because the original names were all too ‘preppy’? Continuity means nothing to Ebony. NOTHING.

“She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow.”

“I would do it now, but that would decrease the length of the story, and we wouldn’t want that now, would we?”

I grumbled in a sexy voice.

Yeah, that last sentence was real sexy, alright. I am unzipping my trousers as we speak.

He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it,

Draco never leaves home without a Cabaret. Life just isn’t worth living without a jaunty song and dance to narrate your every action.

and gave it to me to spork.

They sporked, all right. They sporked alllll night.

He started to fly the car into a tree. We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.

“I’m gonna cut myself, gonna cut myself to make the pain go away…”

If you get that reference then congratulations! You visit at least one of the same websites I do. Add a plus one to your geek score.

“And all the things that you never ever told me And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.”

Gerald Way is just so deep and mysterious! If I could only ease his pain… Wait, are you still here? Uh, Gerald Way sucks donkey balls lawl roflcopter! Close call, that.

sang Gerard’s sexy voice. We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently.

“Damn it Ebony, we need to tile this cloves now or we’ll never graduate potions clbum!”

He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar.

“…Which he then used to beat me to death.”

I took of his black boxers.

Black… Black like my SOUL!

Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.

“Uhn… Ebony… This spanner’s so tight…”

As a side note, the word ‘tool’ in slang refers to male’s genitals. The obvious joke would be to do something based around that, but I like to defy expectations.

“OMFG Draco Draco!” I screamed having an orgism.

That was quick. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Unless she really does have male genitals, in which case I have no desire to explore this matter further.

We stated frenching pbumively.

Because at this point, it’s just a formality.

Suddenly………… I fell asleep.

Yeah, like I said, I don’t want to explore this topic any further.

I started having a dream. In it a black guy

Racist.

was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.

Guess who these two men are! And wave goodbye to continuity for one final time, as he has hung himself from the rafters.

“No! Please don’t ****ing kill us!1” they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

“I really should have invested in some wheels, rather than just cut this hole in the bottom of the car. No, I said, it’ll be just like The Flintstones, I said.”

“No! Oh my ****ing god!11” I shouted in a scared voice.

Ebony sure runs the full gamut of emotions, doesn’t she?

“Ebony what’s wrong?” Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.

“Other than the fact that you seem to suffer from narcolepsy and are regularly having violent visions of doom.”

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face.

As I have said before, tears of blood are counter productive for a vampire.

I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile.

Sorry, who are the posers again?

bum the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where……………………… Serious & Lucian!111

Poor Continuity is currently swinging from the ceiling, his eyes bulging, his face blue, and with urine trickling down his leg and splashing onto the floor. He shall be missed. I suppose someone should cut him down, but I’m sure before long his rotting corpse will be called back from beyond, as a shambling mockery of both God and man.

I briefly considered filming myself writing this review, as a kind of ‘behind the scenes’ special feature. I quickly put a hold on those plans when I realised that 90% of the footage would be of me sobbing into my keyboard. Until next time.

Please have my babies. Log in to see images!

Back again, are we? And they called me insane. Well, chapter 26 of this Abomination is ready and waiting. Enjoy!

Or don’t. Your call.

Chapter 26.

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11

Sure. Pointing out that Kingsley Shacklebolt had frizzy hair and big, red lips wasn’t racist at all.

Oh, just black up and be done with it.

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A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree.

“Sporting a new and very fetching tentacle protruding through his chest.”

He was wearing a blak leather jackson,

Yeah. Draw attention to the colour of Jackson’s skin, and not the fact that Harry is wearing said skin. I bet you think it’s okay because he was black, don’t you? Racist.

black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

“Hi Vampire.” I said flirtily as I started to sob. Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me.

I would say that this was hugely insensitive of Draco, but you know. It’s Ebony.

I started to cry tears of blood

You know, **** it. I’ve been over this dozens of time, but Ebony never learns.

Neither do I, apparently, as I’m still putting my sanity on the line by reviewing this monstrosity.

and then told them what happened.

“A black man shot Lucius and Sirius! Then I offered him some fried chicken, and he did a little jig, then submitted to my white superiority! What? Why are you looking at me like that? I’m not racist, okay?”

“Oh **** it!” Vampire shouted angrily.

Suddenly realising that no amount of money would ever compensate for the ridicule of starring in this fanfiction.

He4 started to cry sadly. “What ****ing male reproductive organ did that!”

“It was a Ni- Uh, I mean, Black man.”

“I don’t know.” I said. “Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor.”

Because he’s seriously going to take a dream conjured up by a proven psychotic ‘goff’ as conclusive evidence. I mean, who wouldn’t?

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

It’s sad, really. He used to be so active. Now he just sits in his office, mumbling something about ‘motherfukers’.

“Sire are dads have been shot!”

Oh. I seem to have confused myself somewhat. You see, I thought that by ‘Sirius and Lucian’ she meant ‘Snape and Lupin’ Um. Heh.

Let’s move on before I further draw attention to my gradually failing mental facilities, shall we?

Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. “Enoby had a vision in a dreem.”

“We are idiots and blindly believe dreams. Oh, and there’s also a murderous clown roaming around in the corridors, in addition to this, said corridors have mysteriously started singing rude songs about my mother. And I also came into school naked today.”

“Wait. That wasn’t a dream. Nobody look at my thingy!”

Dubleodre started to male reproductive organle.

I don’t even want to know.

“Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony’s not divisional?”

You know, if you ignore the spelling, grammar, and the fact that if Ebony had a certificate stating ‘I’m not insane’ he’d probably believe her, that’s the first halfway intelligent thing Dumbledore has said.

I glared at Dumbledore.

“Look ****.” he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter).

Yes. Yes it is.

“U know very well that I’m not decisional.

The fact that you wasted two hours you wasted getting dressed in the morning corroborates this statement.

Now get some ****ing ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!”

Bom chika wow wow!

“Okay.” he said in a intimated voice.

“Not now Dumbledore! There are children present!”

…Said Professor Flitwick.

“Were are they?”

I dare you to spot the spelling mistake in that last sentence.

I fought about it.

“Finish her! Fatality! The readers WIN!”

Then all of a sudden….. “Longdon.”

Hey, don’t mess with Longdon. I mean London.

I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff.

Essentially, this whole story can be distilled to the single sentence of ‘Ebony and friends did some stuff’. If it were only so, the world would be a much better place.

After a few mistunes

“Let’s see. Do ray me… No, that’s not it. Damn it.”

he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again.

You can almost taste the excitement.

He said that they had been found.

…In pieces, concealed in several dustbins scattered over town.

Draco, Vampire and I

I don’t believe it! Proper use of grammar! Hooray!

all left to our rooms together.

Wait, nevermind. I thought it was too good to be true. It was.

I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room.

Real smart move there, Mr. ‘I’m not actually undead’. Hell, why not cut out the middle man and just hurl yourself off the rooftops?

We looked at each other’s gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed.

Dicovering that his Father is in critical condition really makes Draco horny! I kid, I kid. In fact, Draco is perpetually horny.

Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers……………………….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1

Long winded exposition town, here we come.

I’m off again, but I’m sure you’ll see me again soon. After all, what better way to celebrate the birth of Christ and season of goodwill than to review and then post another blasphemous, horribly depressing chapter of ‘My Immortal’?

Until then, take care. Bye!