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Lucinda Sherwood's Flamebate Posts
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about meDear Mr. Goth Jesus,
How lovely to find another Christian here on the internet! I can tell by your friendly and upbeat biography that you are sincere in your love of God, and emulate Christ in your words and deeds. Perhaps you and I could start an online prayer circle for our fellow Forum Wars friends? I know that so many of them are suffering, and need our help to climb out of their self-imposed darkness. (And just between you and me, I believe that some of these young people are possessed.)
I so look forward to continued conversation with you.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/20/2008 | |
Embracing the camwhore.scullyangel Posted:
Dear Miss Angel,
That Tom person, from what I gather, wasn’t anyone’s friend, and it pains me to say it since he was one of the boys in my little club here on the internet. And while I do love the bouncy beat of those ABBA people — Norwegians are so cheery! — and certainly think there should be more spanking going on rather than less, these interests alone will never give your life a feeling of purpose and meaning.
The only thing that can help you is the saving grace of Jesus. Even when others desert you — as they bumuredly will once you grow old and saggy — Jesus is your friend for all eternity. Our Lord doesn’t give a hoot about how many wrinkles or stretch marks you have. And if you pray very hard and devote your life to good works, then He may even allow your hymen to grow back.
I will be praying for you tonight at our Rosary Circle.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/20/2008 | |
Which Forumwarz user do you hate the most?Dear Miss Crayoncakes,
I love everyone with all Christian love, but out of the whole of humanity, I probably love you the least perfectly.
With almost total Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/19/2008 | |
Blood and great timesDear Mr. Pain in the Patootie,
Jesus exists because the Bible says so. Moreover, because his life is dogreat timesented in official Roman texts written during his lifetime. Do you dispute His existence because you never met Him? By the same rationality, what proof have you that President Millard Fillmore was not just a grand hoax perpetrated by the Whig party?
God exists simply because the cirgreat timesstances necessary for the existence of intelligent life on this planet are so random and so fragile — in short, so wildly improbable — that they could not have come about without the aid of some guiding deity.
I presume that you consider yourself an intellectual. If so, I’m sure you may have stumbled across something called the “Big Bang Theory,” if only in one of your community college courses. All matter was condensed into an infinitesimal space, compressed until the pressure was unbearable. This produced an explosion, and the resulting firestorm of matter and energy radiated throughout the universe, creating galaxies, solar systems, stars and planets.
So tell me, Mr. Smarty Pants Atheist, who was responsible for the Big Bang? What existed before the Big Bang? As the universe is constantly expanding at an ever-increasing rate, what lies outside that universe? Are there other universes? If so, what lies outside of them?
You claim that you know that God does not exist, a remarkable feat of scientific prowess. So what is your proof? And since you know and claim you can prove the non-existence of God, I bumume that you likewise have answers to all of the scientific questions raised above. It would be quite generous of you to ring up Stephen Hawking and let him in on the secret. He’s worked so hard, you know.
While you’re at it, please explain to us — your unenlightened, unwashed subjects — what dark matter and dark energy are, and where they come from. I’ve been quite curious about that subject for some little time now.
And if you don’t mind, it’s quite late and I’m giving one of the readings at early Mbum tomorrow.
With all Christian love, you little pisher,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/18/2008 | |
Blood and great timesCorrenth Posted:
Dear Mr. Correnth,
Present them.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/17/2008 | |
REQUEST: Klan LogTeeKayEff Posted: (view post) |
05/16/2008 | |
Blood and great timesDear Mr. Correnth,
I underestimated you, and I’m very sorry about that. I based my opinion of you upon your poetry, without looking at your prose. Your poetry led me to believe that you were one of those poor unfortunates who call themselves “writers” because they’ve filled up scads of notebooks with their sad, pathetic ramblings.
Even if you are a beatnik, you are one who has had at least a little schooling in logic. Your response was an excellent example of “proof by verbosity,” or simple obfuscation. You wrote much and wrote well, but your reply lacked any direct response to the thesis.
You began our little debate by contesting the existence of God. I took up that challenge with the counterpoint statement that I believe I am here to do God’s will, and spread the light of Christ upon this forum. Your response to me consisted of:
1. A personal attack aimed at my intelligence;
2. A reference to past misdeeds by Catholic priests; and,
3. A very sad attempt to boast of your own prowess at logical argument.
None of these points bears any relevance to the question at hand, that of God’s existence and His purpose in all our lives. When you are ready — and have the intellectual stamina — to conduct a proper debate, I shall be waiting.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/15/2008 | |
Teach me how to trollMC Banhammer Posted:
Dear Mr. Banhammer,
Trolls only exist in fantasy novels. While I support your attempt to increase your literacy, there comes a time when one simply must put the book down and separate fact from fiction.
Furthermore, none of the delightful fantasy tales I read to my children had trolls who used such nasty words as you describe. Come to think of it, they rarely spoke at all, what with all the banging people on the head and hiding the corpses under rocks.
So I suppose if you wanted to pretend that you were a troll, you could do something like that. I hope this helps and even if it doesn’t, remember that Jesus loves you.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/14/2008 | |
Totally Original Caption This Pic Gamemary misanthrope Posted:
Dear Miss Misanthrope,
I hoped that you would have made your retreat to a convent or other spiritual center by now, but it appears that you have not. Some people just refuse to be helped or to accept a helping hand.
Your personal problems will henceforth not be my concern. However, I strongly disapprove of this post you made to Miss Wild-Slotss. (And no, this does not represent my approval of gambling for other than charitable purposes.)
Your intolerance of her drinking preferences I find most disturbing. Many times when I was in my late thirties and fighting off the post-baby flab, I savored the sweet, refreshing taste of a Fanta. I haven’t seen it on the shelves of my local grocery for years, but perhaps that is because I live in a small town.
Miss Wild-Slotss is lucky enough to live in a city where they not only still serve Fanta, but apparently also have come out with a fourth version of that delightful soda. I understand that, because of your disturbed psychological state, you resent her better cirgreat timesstances. I will ask Jesus to ease your anguish. Still and all, I pray that God will smite you for your fine upstanding member of societyrdly attitude towards those who are more privileged.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/13/2008 | |
My sweet woman's genitalsThis is a picture of my sweet little woman's genitals, Miss Muff:
Log in to see images!
She is 12 years old, and just as soft and sweet as she can be. Whenever I’m feeling lonely or sad, all I have to do is pet her and she cheers me right up. My next-door neighbor, Mr. Jenkins, can’t keep his hands off Miss Muff whenever he comes over to visit. He always wants her to sit in his lap so he can stroke her and make her purr. I sometimes think he’d like to have her all to himself!
But that’s my Miss Muff — just so sweet and friendly. Everyone should have a woman's genitals this nice.
Log in to see images! (view post) |
05/13/2008 | |
Blood and great timesCorrenth Posted:
Dear Mr. Correnth,
As a matter of fact, young man, Jesus did die so that all of his followers could be crusaders for all that is good and just in this world. I couldn’t have put it better myself!
I’ve read some of your poetry and, while it is certainly not in the least poetic, you do show some skill with basic English syntax and grammar. I’m very sorry that your language skills outstrip your spirituality. It is a shame that you cannot recognize the golden light of Christ’s love all around you.
However, as Father Joseph always used to say to the little tots at St. Barbara’s Elementary School (where I was the librarian for many happy years), “Every brick wall in your path is an opportunity to learn how to climb.” I see your challenge to me as just such an opportunity, and rest bumured, young man, I will climb you.
I welcome the opportunity to debate our spiritual differences, and to turn your face at long last to the light of Christ.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/13/2008 | |
Totally Original Caption This Pic GameMC Banhammer Posted:
****, I am gonna smack you up so hard, you’re gonna be smellin’ your nasty bum for two weeks. (view post) |
05/12/2008 | |
Blood and great timesDear Miss Misanthrope,
I thought I had seen the most disgusting things in the so-called “poetry” you young children write here, things about fornication and what-not; but you, young lady, have sunk to new lows. You must have very low self-esteem to want a young man to use a razor on your naughty bits. The angels in heaven are weeping for you, as is our Blessed Mother.
I will pray for you. In the meantime, please stop bruiting about your nasty poems.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/12/2008 | |
You know why you emos are all so depressed?Janie Posted:
Dear Janie,
No, I drink tea, dear.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/11/2008 | |
You know why you emos are all so depressed?SG94 Posted:
Dear Miss SG94,
I wish more people on this forum were like you. You’re always so friendly and happy. You know, I think Jesus wants you for a sunbeam! Log in to see images!
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/11/2008 | |
REPLY TO THIS THREADnanafabulous personjesus Posted:
Dear Mrs. Jesus,
I would love to learn how to make large sums of money working from home. I’m on a fixed income — just my pension from the school board and the interest from my late husband’s investment portfolio.
However, I’d like to know more about this business before making a commitment. I wouldn’t have to let illegal immigrants stay in my home, would I? I have nothing against you Mexicans, of course, but I don’t want a lot of strangers cluttering up my house with their knick-knacks and goats and such. Also, I’m allergic to cayenne pepper.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/10/2008 | |
I need youDear Miss Misanthrope,
Jesus loves you and He is always there for you. Maybe you would feel His presence if you didn’t do that thing that only nasty boys and girls do.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/10/2008 | |
A Blessed Friday to all My New FriendsLog in to see images!
“Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.” (view post) |
05/09/2008 | |
A Place for my Poems - Chapter 3: EroticaDear Moderators,
This is shameful! I demand that you erase these offensive poems immediately!
I am now quite inured to the sight of young women flaunting their boobies and bottoms on this website, and have learned to ignore any pictures that aren’t of puppies or kittens. But when I saw that this Black Dragon Lady had decided to share some of her poetry with us, I opened up the page. I love poetry, and more than once have bemoaned the loss of such poetic geniuses as Helen Steiner Rice.
So you can imagine my shock and horror when I read what this trollop calls a “poem.” I thought I must be mistaken, so I read it through twice. By that time, my heart was hammering and I felt faint. I think I might have had a mini-stroke, because I feel somewhat tingly.
I think if Mr. Trout knew that such pornography were being bandied about on his web pages, he would be as horrified as I am. Please erase these poems at once. I have to go rest now, but when I’ve awakened from my nap, I expect this filth to be gone.
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/09/2008 | |
MORTALS! TREMBLE BEFORE ME!Dear Mrs. Pawn,
You really ought not taunt the children on this website so — some of them might think you’re serious. On the other hand, if it gets them to start going to church and mending their ways, I suppose it is all to the good.
Dear me. Our world has fallen into such sinful ways. Maybe some hellfire and brimstone is just what the doctor — Doctor Jesus — has ordered!
With all Christian love,
Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood (view post) |
05/09/2008 |
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