Well, I put pen to paper and came out with this… Abomination. It was a lot better in my head, believe me. Nevertheless, I shall post it for posterity.

Entry 1

So, this is my tenth birthday, and my last day in pallet town for a while. Mum has thrown me out of the house because now I have reached the big one zero, I’m supposed to go out and have an adventure. This strikes me as a bad idea, because I still can barely tie my shoelaces.

To start my decent into the weird world of Pokémon, I went to see Prof. Oak. He wasn’t there, as usual, so went to jump around in the grbum to pbum the time.

Surprise, surprise! Professor Oak was being harbumed by a level 1 Rattata. Bravely standing to face his foe, he threw a pokéball at me and legged it. The pokéball contained a Charmander, which made short work of the unlucky rodent. It was… enlightening. Did you know Rattatas have an extra stomach?

I headed back to the lab, where I found Professor Oak, who had forgotten my name. Again. I told him to call me Awesome Dude. Strangely, this didn’t strike him as odd. Apparently, he had forgotten Gary’s name as well. I told Oak to call him Douchebag. Gary was not best pleased. Oak gave us a blank encyclopaedia and told us to fill it up. He then asked if we wanted to see his Arbok. Gary ran, and so did I.

Gary challenged me to a duel. My Charmander ate his Squirtle. Charmander is developing quite the cannibalistic streak. Gary ran behind a house and promptly disappeared.

As I prepare to leave my lifelong home, I wonder what I might discover on my journey. I can but wait and see.