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OK, it’s not a flesh light… It’s a “Lexie UR3 Pocket woman's genitals” and even more blatantly a place to stick your wiener than a flesh light. I had planned on EdenFantasys’s discreet shipping policy to save me from any embarrbuming moments with the parents or neighbors, but I think it went far worse than I could have imagined…
http://www.lovedreamer.com/main/popup.c … 6_bx_l.jpg I’m surfin’ the net one day when I stumble across a promotion for this sex toy. I’ve never been interested in sex toys before, but all of a sudden I got really into the idea. I’m not a lame-rear end who can’t get any real sex. (I currently have a girlfriend with a REAL woman's genitals) No, I just thought it might make for a good time for when I was bored and had no motivation. So I say, “**** it!” and order the damn thing.
I track it online and plan it to be delivered on a day when my parents are gone…
The day comes and I lay watchful of the mailbox… I am ready to snatch up the package before anyone can see! And… it never comes.
I am scared all of a sudden. The online tracker says the item has been delivered! I call the post office and the woman has to take a report so I have to tell her that the contents of the package was a sex toy and that it never showed up. A couple hours later a guy from my local post office calls me and says, “So Mr. Zoo… it says here you ordered a sex toy and it never arrived? Yeah well… The postman scans it then puts it in your mailbox, so it was definitely delivered. I don’t know what to tell you. Someone must have stolen it.”
I’m like ****, oh well… At least I didn’t get embarrbumed in person.
A week goes by and I totally forget I even ordered it. And it turns out I don’t even want it anymore because I started having sex with this girl I went to high school with. (Same girl as stated above. It’s a very new relationship.) All is well in the Zoo household… until…
Today I wake up from a nice long sleep and open my bedroom door to find an odd package on the ground all ripped up with a note on top. http://i33.tinypic.com/51d35g.jpg
OH GOD!!!
The freakin pocket woman's genitals is sticking out of the side of the box. And there’s a note from my mom AND the neighbors!?
I open it up to find that jiggly pink thing outside of the inner box so it had DEFINITELY been opened. I’m sure the neighbor probably opened it up and whacked his wife on the head with it or something before thinking of returning it.
http://i38.tinypic.com/wl5cp0.jpg I mean he could have even used it! My mom was right- That’s GROSS! So basically now everyone thinks I’m a perv.
I’m waiting for my parents to come home from dinner right now… What should I tell them? Tarman edited this message on 07/27/2008 1:41PM98% of forumgoers have put a statistic like this in their sig. If you are one of the 2% who hasn’t, put this in your sig. |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 1:38PM | View Tarman's Profile | # | ||||||
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TELL YOUR MOM THAT YOU’RE REALLY ANGRY THAT SHE OPEND HER BIRTHDAY PRESENT AHEAD OF TIME AND NOW SHE KNOWS WHAT IT IS AND SHE WONT GET THE SURPRISE Log in to see images! FAQ
did you have sex with my bum? yes lol
why u so awesome? i donno lol
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 1:47PM | View LeFox's Profile | # | ||||||
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LeFox Posted:
punkxheart//****xcoreLog in to see images! |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 2:00PM | View xXxJUNEGUY1xXx's Profile | # | ||||||
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lol 4chan Log in to see images! Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 2:18PM | View iIRZ's Profile | # | ||||||
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tl;dr but post pics of you using it
Also congrats on posting someone else’s /b/tarded joke as your own. 1337xxxxxxxxxlolololololololololxxxxxxxxx1337 edited this message on 07/27/2008 2:23PMLog in to see images! |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 2:21PM | View 1337xxxxxxxxxlol...'s Profile | # | ||||||
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Been there, done that
I'M A SIG-DISABLING COCKMONGLER
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 2:35PM | View MC Banhammer's Profile | # | ||||||
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Tarman Posted:
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 2:53PM | View meeeeeeeeee's Profile | # | ||||||
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look at me i copy funny something awful threads to get attention! Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 2:56PM | View BirdofPrey's Profile | # | ||||||
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BirdofPrey Posted:
This week’s build: Plagiaristic Intentions
I'M A SIG-DISABLING COCKMONGLER
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 3:13PM | View MC Banhammer's Profile | # | ||||||
Major tl;dr Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 3:18PM | View Laguna's Profile | # | ||||||
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BirdofPrey Posted:
You’re an idiot.
This man is an INTERNET GENUOIS
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 3:26PM | View Lord Shplane's Profile | # | ||||||
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BirdofPrey Posted:
Exactly. And it works. 98% of forumgoers have put a statistic like this in their sig. If you are one of the 2% who hasn’t, put this in your sig. |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 3:44PM | View Tarman's Profile | # | ||||||
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Tarman Posted:
GENUIOS
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 3:45PM | View Lord Shplane's Profile | # | ||||||
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TOMOROW ITS JULY 28TH |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 3:54PM | View ANGRY HOBO's Profile | # | ||||||
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if only i was win enough to make up things like this… but alas 98% of forumgoers have put a statistic like this in their sig. If you are one of the 2% who hasn’t, put this in your sig. |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 4:07PM | View Tarman's Profile | # | ||||||
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LeFox Posted:
Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 4:32PM | View CAPTAIN SODA's Profile | # | ||||||
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Tarman Posted:
YOU ARE A BLITHERING SWINEHERD Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 4:42PM | View 1337xxxxxxxxxlol...'s Profile | # | ||||||
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Lord Shplane Posted:
He’s a free birdofprey now And this birdofprey you’ll never change. And this birdofprey you can not change. And this birdofprey you can not change. Lord knows, You can’t change. Lord help you, You can’t change. |
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Posted On: 07/27/2008 5:26PM | View Biff Weasley's Profile | # | ||||||