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Help So I ordered a "fleshlight" and now my parents think i'm a perv

Tarman

Avatar: Bacteria
12

[Smooth Town Rebels]

Level 10 Troll

I AM IN NEED OF A GOOD DOUCHING SINCE I HAVE SAND IN MY VAG!!!!!

OK, it’s not a flesh light… It’s a “Lexie UR3 Pocket woman's genitals” and even more blatantly a place to stick your wiener than a flesh light. I had planned on EdenFantasys’s discreet shipping policy to save me from any embarrbuming moments with the parents or neighbors, but I think it went far worse than I could have imagined…

http://www.lovedreamer.com/main/popup.c … 6_bx_l.jpg

I’m surfin’ the net one day when I stumble across a promotion for this sex toy. I’ve never been interested in sex toys before, but all of a sudden I got really into the idea. I’m not a lame-rear end who can’t get any real sex. (I currently have a girlfriend with a REAL woman's genitals) No, I just thought it might make for a good time for when I was bored and had no motivation. So I say, “**** it!” and order the damn thing.

I track it online and plan it to be delivered on a day when my parents are gone…

The day comes and I lay watchful of the mailbox… I am ready to snatch up the package before anyone can see! And… it never comes.

I am scared all of a sudden. The online tracker says the item has been delivered! I call the post office and the woman has to take a report so I have to tell her that the contents of the package was a sex toy and that it never showed up. A couple hours later a guy from my local post office calls me and says, “So Mr. Zoo… it says here you ordered a sex toy and it never arrived? Yeah well… The postman scans it then puts it in your mailbox, so it was definitely delivered. I don’t know what to tell you. Someone must have stolen it.”

I’m like ****, oh well… At least I didn’t get embarrbumed in person.

A week goes by and I totally forget I even ordered it. And it turns out I don’t even want it anymore because I started having sex with this girl I went to high school with. (Same girl as stated above. It’s a very new relationship.) All is well in the Zoo household… until…

Today I wake up from a nice long sleep and open my bedroom door to find an odd package on the ground all ripped up with a note on top.

http://i33.tinypic.com/51d35g.jpg

OH GOD!!!

The freakin pocket woman's genitals is sticking out of the side of the box. And there’s a note from my mom AND the neighbors!?

I open it up to find that jiggly pink thing outside of the inner box so it had DEFINITELY been opened. I’m sure the neighbor probably opened it up and whacked his wife on the head with it or something before thinking of returning it.

http://i38.tinypic.com/wl5cp0.jpg

I mean he could have even used it! My mom was right- That’s GROSS!

So basically now everyone thinks I’m a perv.

I’m waiting for my parents to come home from dinner right now… What should I tell them?

Tarman edited this message on 07/27/2008 1:41PM

98% of forumgoers have put a statistic like this in their sig. If you are one of the 2% who hasn’t, put this in your sig.

LeFox

Avatar: LeFox's Avatar

[RULES SO MUCH IT H-
URTS
]

Level 10 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

TELL YOUR MOM THAT YOU’RE REALLY ANGRY THAT SHE OPEND HER BIRTHDAY PRESENT AHEAD OF TIME AND NOW SHE KNOWS WHAT IT IS AND SHE WONT GET THE SURPRISE Log in to see images!


FAQ

did you have sex with my bum?

yes lol

why u so awesome?

i donno lol

Log in to see images!

xXxJUNEGUY1x-
Xx

Avatar: xXxJUNEGUY1xXx's Avatar
2

Level 35 Emo Kid

“Cutty Cutterson”

LeFox Posted:

TELL YOUR MOM THAT YOU’RE REALLY ANGRY THAT SHE OPEND HER BIRTHDAY PRESENT AHEAD OF TIME AND NOW SHE KNOWS WHAT IT IS AND SHE WONT GET THE SURPRISE Log in to see images!


punkxheart//****xcoreLog in to see images!

iIRZ

Avatar: iIRZ's Avatar

[Team Shortbus]

Level 7 Troll

iIRZ is a funny fine upstanding member of society, which is to say that he did WTC and your mom

lol 4chan


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tl;dr but post pics of you using it

Also congrats on posting someone else’s /b/tarded joke as your own.

1337xxxxxxxxxlolololololololololxxxxxxxxx1337 edited this message on 07/27/2008 2:23PM

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MC Banhammer

Avatar: 1887 2011-07-31 00:40:59 -0400
36

[Good Omens]

Level 69 Troll

Trying to create drama to drum up the ratings by any means necessary!

Been there, done that


I'M A SIG-DISABLING COCKMONGLER

meeeeeeeeee

Avatar: 15443 2010-04-04 18:27:25 -0400
49

[Brainfreeze]

Level 35 Troll

Sneakily vicious and filled with virtuous pit bulls.

Tarman Posted:

I’m not a lame-rear end who can’t get any real sex. (I currently have a girlfriend with a REAL woman's genitals)

BirdofPrey

Avatar: 2037 Sun May 10 02:46:48 -0400 2009
10

[Team Shortbus]

Level 10 Troll

I lick her up afterwards (After her great times session too! Yum!)

look at me i copy funny something awful threads to get attention!


Log in to see images!

MC Banhammer

Avatar: 1887 2011-07-31 00:40:59 -0400
36

[Good Omens]

Level 69 Troll

Trying to create drama to drum up the ratings by any means necessary!

BirdofPrey Posted:

look at me i copy funny something awful threads to get attention!

This week’s build: Plagiaristic Intentions


I'M A SIG-DISABLING COCKMONGLER

Laguna

Avatar: 49898 Sun Dec 28 00:52:49 -0500 2008
6

Level 35 Troll

I LOVE LAGUNA. I ALSO LOVE SUCKING FAT male reproductive organS.

Major tl;dr


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Lord Shplane

Avatar: 49819 Fri Dec 05 01:45:00 -0500 2008
30

[Forumwarz Speakeasy]

Level 69 Troll

:)

BirdofPrey Posted:

look at me i copy funny something awful threads to get attention!

You’re an idiot.

This man is an INTERNET GENUOIS


SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE
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Tarman

Avatar: Bacteria
12

[Smooth Town Rebels]

Level 10 Troll

I AM IN NEED OF A GOOD DOUCHING SINCE I HAVE SAND IN MY VAG!!!!!

BirdofPrey Posted:

look at me i copy funny something awful threads to get attention!

Exactly. And it works.


98% of forumgoers have put a statistic like this in their sig. If you are one of the 2% who hasn’t, put this in your sig.

Lord Shplane

Avatar: 49819 Fri Dec 05 01:45:00 -0500 2008
30

[Forumwarz Speakeasy]

Level 69 Troll

:)

Tarman Posted:

Exactly. And it works.

GENUIOS


SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE
SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE
SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE SIGNATURE
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ANGRY HOBO

Avatar: 49150 Tue Aug 11 01:43:48 -0400 2009
1

Level 28 Emo Kid

lmbo i gave this account and now its full of people :D bye all this game is ****....................

TOMOROW ITS JULY 28TH

Tarman

Avatar: Bacteria
12

[Smooth Town Rebels]

Level 10 Troll

I AM IN NEED OF A GOOD DOUCHING SINCE I HAVE SAND IN MY VAG!!!!!

if only i was win enough to make up things like this… but alas


98% of forumgoers have put a statistic like this in their sig. If you are one of the 2% who hasn’t, put this in your sig.

CAPTAIN SODA

Avatar: CAPTAIN SODA's Avatar

[THE BURGER KING BI-
RTHDAY POWAR CLUB
]

Level 12 Re-Re

LEGALLY PATENTED THE ROUNDHOUSE KICK

LeFox Posted:

TELL YOUR MOM THAT YOU’RE REALLY ANGRY THAT SHE OPEND HER BIRTHDAY PRESENT AHEAD OF TIME AND NOW SHE KNOWS WHAT IT IS AND SHE WONT GET THE SURPRISE Log in to see images!


Log in to see images!

Tarman Posted:

if only i was win enough to make up things like this… but alas

YOU ARE A BLITHERING SWINEHERD


Log in to see images!

Biff Weasley

Avatar: 2174 Wed Nov 05 00:04:24 -0500 2008
2

Level 19 Troll

bumhead

Lord Shplane Posted:

You’re an idiot.

This man is an INTERNET GENUOIS

He’s a free birdofprey now

And this birdofprey you’ll never change.

And this birdofprey you can not change.

And this birdofprey you can not change.

Lord knows, You can’t change.

Lord help you, You can’t change.

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