OK, it’s not a flesh light… It’s a “Lexie UR3 Pocket woman's genitals” and even more blatantly a place to stick your wiener than a flesh light. I had planned on EdenFantasys’s discreet shipping policy to save me from any embarrbuming moments with the parents or neighbors, but I think it went far worse than I could have imagined…

http://www.lovedreamer.com/main/popup.c … 6_bx_l.jpg

I’m surfin’ the net one day when I stumble across a promotion for this sex toy. I’ve never been interested in sex toys before, but all of a sudden I got really into the idea. I’m not a lame-rear end who can’t get any real sex. (I currently have a girlfriend with a REAL woman's genitals) No, I just thought it might make for a good time for when I was bored and had no motivation. So I say, “**** it!” and order the damn thing.

I track it online and plan it to be delivered on a day when my parents are gone…

The day comes and I lay watchful of the mailbox… I am ready to snatch up the package before anyone can see! And… it never comes.

I am scared all of a sudden. The online tracker says the item has been delivered! I call the post office and the woman has to take a report so I have to tell her that the contents of the package was a sex toy and that it never showed up. A couple hours later a guy from my local post office calls me and says, “So Mr. Zoo… it says here you ordered a sex toy and it never arrived? Yeah well… The postman scans it then puts it in your mailbox, so it was definitely delivered. I don’t know what to tell you. Someone must have stolen it.”

I’m like ****, oh well… At least I didn’t get embarrbumed in person.

A week goes by and I totally forget I even ordered it. And it turns out I don’t even want it anymore because I started having sex with this girl I went to high school with. (Same girl as stated above. It’s a very new relationship.) All is well in the Zoo household… until…

Today I wake up from a nice long sleep and open my bedroom door to find an odd package on the ground all ripped up with a note on top.

http://i33.tinypic.com/51d35g.jpg

OH GOD!!!

The freakin pocket woman's genitals is sticking out of the side of the box. And there’s a note from my mom AND the neighbors!?

I open it up to find that jiggly pink thing outside of the inner box so it had DEFINITELY been opened. I’m sure the neighbor probably opened it up and whacked his wife on the head with it or something before thinking of returning it.

http://i38.tinypic.com/wl5cp0.jpg

I mean he could have even used it! My mom was right- That’s GROSS!

So basically now everyone thinks I’m a perv.

I’m waiting for my parents to come home from dinner right now… What should I tell them?