eponymous_ennui's Flamebate Posts

(D&D 3.0) The City

genericangstyposter Posted:

”See? We know not in what manner he means to ‘have’ the poorly gnome. But anyway, perhaps we should listen to his fell notions, as I believe that they’d amuse me. Why exactly do you think you’re going to die?”

The gnome ignores you, still curled into a foetal ball and sobbing.

Riddle Me This

In a similar vein:

What’s brown and sticky?

(D&D 3.0) The City

igreat timestears Posted:

EDIT: DAMNIT! JUST PRETEND THIS IS GENERICANGSTYPOSTER. It won’t happen again. :-P

(D&D 3.0) The City

(D&D 3.0) The City

Cenbuma

They called you crazy when they kicked you out of the Academy. Said you were insane, that you were obssessed and a lunatic psychopath. Not like it mattered what those simpletons thought. You knew that true power only came to those who weren’t afraid of it, afraid of the sacrifice and dedication that it takes to be able to master one’s destiny. Those fools, the Xammux take them, let their own fear and “morality” keep them from attaining real power.

So you left the Academy and set out on your own path to greatness. The cheapest place you could find for rent was a dingy manse on Cross Street: the neighbourhood was quiet, with a fair number of the homeless that nobody would notice if they “accidentally” went missing some day. It was good.

Good, that is, until the day the Night Watch caught you digging up a freshly-buried corpse at the local Temple to Wee Jas. The ground was harder and the digging tougher than you had expected, and you grew tired; tired enough that you did not see the light of the patrol until it was too late.

They charged you with necrophilia. When you protested that you would never do anything like that, that you were merely seeking to learn, the crowd did not respond like you had anticipated; instead of letting you free like a sane court would, they condemned you to a life sentence in the dungeons for practicing “unnatural arts”. Unnatural arts! Were these people so ignorant that they could not even recognise knowledge for knowledge’s own sake? Was it that difficult to comprehend that there could be an individual who was not satisified being a plebian peasant and wanted to rise above the great unwashed mbumes?

But they threw you into a cell anyway. The place smells of urine and fecal waste, but beneath it all you think you can barely just detect the sickly sweet familiar stench of decay. Hmm.

Your new cellmates are looking at you expectantly. Better get these ‘introductions’ out of the way before you forget how it’s usually done.

I like my coffee like I like my prisoners: pale and interesting.

(D&D 3.0) The City

Voaer

Life blows.

Well, not “blows” blows, of course, because the gods know you could be using some of that right now. I mean, we could say “life sucks”, or “life’s a ****”, but you’ve tried both and, to be honest, you wouldn’t mind a bit of either right now.

The jail cell was dirty and cramped when the guards shoved you in here, and things haven’t improved much since you were last conscious a few minutes ago. The pile of straw in the corner smells like something drenched in **** just died there recently, and seeing how you don’t see any sanitary devices around these parts, chances are you probably wouldn’t be too far off with that guess. Your complimentary “room mates” aren’t exactly your first choice either: there’s this sullen guy in one corner in black and another new guy they just dragged in. Great.

You don’t suppose the other cells have it any better either. There’s this creepy elf in the opposite cell with a bloodied blindfold over his eyes who keeps smiling to himself while a nervous gnome keeps pacing up and down and muttering and chewing at this fingertips and generally doing everything he can to aggravate your hangover even more. If only you knew that you’ll be stuck with these people, you probably wouldn’t have polished off that last round of drinks…

It was all grossly unfair anyway. What did you do to deserve this? All you did was chat up the wrong girl, that’s all. It wasn’t as if she was anything special either; you’ve had better. Huh. Now that you think about it, it probably wasn’t such a good idea to tell her that. Or, for that matter, that you didn’t intend to stay too long in her general vicinity after the deed was done. Still.

Well, more than enough time to feel miserable later. Go make some friends or something!

Soo... I won, right?

Cubear Posted:

um, i don’t know why you would want sloppy male reproductive organ action to begin with…

The flavour is in the wetness.

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interactive thread

ravenblooDDarkdreams Posted:

this is the thread, where you, the vapid woman's genitals of a reader, get to brighten up your dullness of an existence by making decisions for me.

this hour marks 22 days since i called the frontman of my chemical romance and he has not called me back. as tradition goes it is time for more self mutilation on this twenty second day of despair.

what should i do? be specific, include methods and body part/tools needed

your thread fails to deliver. it isn’t as much ‘interactive’ as it is a dull, broken reflection of the despair the human condition instils in all of us. what else could we do to you that you have not successfully done in worse, more horrific ways? i would do you a favour and tell you to slit your own throat, but i don’t see why i should end your suffering.

Predicting Gamble-Bot in RPS

I think Trout mentioned before that both RPS and Blackjack were as fair as he could make them out to be. If you noticed anything unusual about the patterns… well, this could probably go a fair way to explaining why.

Camwhores need to be buffed.

ArgaWarga Posted:

I have a ****ty idea to improve the Camwhore. I’m still on my first go through the game (Kinda stuck at level 7, can’t really afford the drugs I need to beat the forums, so I’m grinding for cash), and the reason I chose Camwhore in the first place was that I was hoping to see hilarious things like support from random members of the forum who had fallen in love with the Camwhore and would jump to her defense in combat. This could either be a chance based thing depending on charisma, or it could work like a charm spell from any given Final Fantasy game–cast it, get one of the enemies to play on your side for a few turns. They could heal you up, replenish your sexiness, or just help with the pwning. Just a ****ty idea.

Hah! I actually think this idea is fantastic. It could be called Elicit Lust, which mechanically then causes a random action (mentioned above) to be performed every camwhore’s turn for a few rounds. I love it: it fits the character, it’s unique and most of all it’s fun.