List Of Characters
Throughout the game, players meet fictional, online characters who either influence the story, provide services, act as obstacles, or any combination of the above.
There are a couple characters who reoccur frequently in the story, providing important plot related information to the player.
- Shallow Esophagus - Shallow Esophagus is the first character who contacts the player, and guides them through the in-game tutorial process. Shallow is an enigmatic figure who provides the player with information and tasks throughout the game, but never reveals his identity or goals. Though his he keeps most information hidden from the player, he bumures the player he is trustworthy.
Early in the story, Shallow Esophagus gives the player an XSS Code attack, which if deployed a fixed number of times in a forum, Shallow will pay the player upon pwning of the forum. This attack can also unlock sidequests if done frequently enough, and is often vital for progressing through the game.
- Ravit "Blacksnake" Nordstrom III - Ravit is a member of the Flaming Black Operatives, a group of internet hackers, trolls, and misfits who delight in pwning online forums. He appears midway into the episode one, and helps you to finish off the Konservative Kristian Koalition forum. He's also very open to the player, and seems to be very powerful. At the end of the game, Ravit coaxes the player into pwning the Coral Springs Nuclear Generating Station forum, which causes a devastating nuclear meltdown. Several weeks after the incident (in reality, immediately after), the player is contacted by a user with an avatar resembling Kim Jong-il. For unknown reasons, some people think this is Ravit. There is no evidence to indicate this.
Early into the story, Ravit provides the player with the FBO Code attack. Similar to the XSS Code, Ravit will pay you for deploying the FBO Code in forums - but instead of earning a fixed amount for each forum, you earn progressive amounts of Flezz for the number of times you've submitted the code into a forum.
- Doctor O - Doctor O appears once in the plot, after deploying the XSS Code in two forums. A fan of otaku (Japanese animation) and pop culture, he is a self described "permanoob" and member of the Jockstrap Foundation, an online privacy protection group. He suggests to the player that Shallow Esophagus maybe a government spy and recommends the player do a Sentrillion search of Shallow, which suspiciously results in no results found.
During the encounter, if the player chooses to reveal Shallow Esophagus as the source of the XSS Code, Doctor O will send the player the consumable item Digital Vasectomy.
Some characters appear multiple times or provide a service throughout the game, but don't play a significant role in the plot.
- Bruce Bear - Bruce Bear is the owner of the online store "Bruce Bear's Fix-All". A large, friendly, homosexual man who speaks and types with a lisp, Bruce Bear makes frequent jokes. He hires the player to perform the "Kristians on a Krutch" mission, where the player meets Ravit "Blacksnake" Nordstrom III.
- THE_**** - THE_**** is a body-building troll who was kicked out of college for physically attacking a professor. Due to his use of steroids, he is extremely aggressive and is impulsively enraged whenever the player asks him a question. He offers the player the "'Roid Rage Against the Machine!" mission.
After completing the "'Roid Rage Against the Machine!" mission, THE_**** will begin to sell the player the consumable item Homemade 'Roids Sampler Pack once a day.
- Krystl_Crackr1969 - After deploying the XSS Code for the first time, Shallow will introduce you to Krystl as a client, who hires you to complete the mission "Pwned in Sixty-Nine Seconds". A hippie and a stoner, she is a member of the environmental conservation organization "Green Rights or War!" (GRoW!), and a friend of the character Opheliamammary glandsupp.
Forumwarz also has many minor characters that either serve as obstacles, give you quests to perform, or offer you sidequests. They have little or no role in the plot.
- Anonymous - A mysterious user who offers you the "Anonymous vs. Onymous!" mission. He is a member of the Anonymous organization, and is very secretive. He strongly wants the player to leave him alone.
- Futanari-moe - A Japanese otaku (fan of Japanese animation) who is obsessed with getting a nude picture of the character "Yuriko-chan". He is exceedingly friendly, and offers you the mission "Futanari-moe's Pervy Pic Project", asking you to retrieve a nude picture of Yuriko-Chan, covered in egg whites and bread crumbs.
- Yuriko-chan - Part of the "Futanari-moe's Pervy Pic Project". A friendly Asian girl who blocks you after learning you contacted her to get Futanari-moe's photograph.
- CutiePie12xo - Part of the "Futanari-moe's Pervy Pic Project". A pedophile who pretends to be a young girl (poorly), he performs cyber sex with the player, under the impression that the player is a young boy. Afterwards, he sends the player a naked photo of himself covered in egg whites and bread crumbs, which is given to Futanari-moe to finish the quest.
- Opheliamammary glandsupp - An Emo Kid who loves to write sad poetry, she gives you the mission "Become An Hero", in which you need to kill yourself in 2 Forums under the identities given by her and his boyfriend, and become a martyr.
After completing the "Become An Hero" mission, she will send you a Tubmail in which she gives you all her poetry, and you learn the ability Ophelia's Bad Poetry, the strongest attack from Episode 1.
- RockStarGrrl69 - Opheliamammary glandsupp's girlfriend, and someone who likes metal rock. She only appears on a Tubmail after finishing the mission "Become An Hero".
- DrrtyCop74 - A policewoman that appears after you deploy 8 Codes (no matter which type), and is a self-proclaimed Troll. She makes your sTalk contacts go offline until you pay her 500 flezz.
- Fr4gGingR1teZ - Nickname of Johnothonithan Wagner, the best gamer in the world and the youngest millionaire. He offers you the mission "Shot in the male reproductive organ, and You're Too Lame". He looks like an arrogant guy when you start the conversation with him, but in the end you discover you're his only friend.
After completing the "Shot in the male reproductive organ, and You're Too Lame" mission, he will send you a friend request. If you accept it, he will send you something special via Tubmail.
- haxlrose - A computer hacker which likes to refer to himself as a "Cyber Artist". Appears after you deploy your third XSS code, he can reset your upgrade points once every four days.
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