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Ban Me /\v/\v/\v/\v/\ Contest - 5bps! Someone, somewhere, please make a good post! /\v/\v/\v/\v/\

Crocen

Avatar: Woman's Abs
5

[Tormenting Evil Kn-
uckles of Satan
]

Level 35 Camwhore

“Legs Wide Open”

Re dei sepolcri Posted:

Have you tried horse ****?

That goes in the bad list.

When you mix it with honey and ketchup it just gets sticky and then for some reason everyone avoids you until you move to a new state or country.

though with chocolate syrup you can not tell the difference.

But since it has to be all three it goes in the no-no pile.

Log in to see images!

You just lost the contest. Shoulda quit while you’re ahead dude.

Apprentices too scared to enter this… shameful.

Crocaen

Avatar: Kitten

Level 26 Permanoob

“Brain Dead”

1337xxxxxxxxxlolololololololololxxxxxxxxx1337 Posted:

You just lost the contest. Shoulda quit while you’re ahead dude.

Apprentices too scared to enter this… shameful.

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT

You’re gonna make me cry

I even had a party scheduled.

Dude

No.

now you aren’t even invited.

FOR SHAME.

TheBaron

Avatar: 180429 Tue Jul 07 16:38:25 -0400 2009
1

[WeChall]

Level 19 Hacker

“Buffer Overflower”

So wait… what? You want me to type something funny? That’s really difficult you know? Especially for me! I mean… this stuff doesn’t just come to folks.

You can’t just sit down and start writing…

Like… you can’t just make a zombie story out of nowhere.

“I see the zombie in the corner of my eye. My gaze hardens.

Immediately my hand flies to the nearest desk drawer. With lightning quick movements I pull out my weapon – a rubber band. My plan would surely lead to victory, but I had to work fast.

Spinning around in my swivel chair, oiled just that morning (in the event that such an encounter would occur), I face the monster. It is barely recognizable as human, its maw open in a twisted leer that seems to mock all that is good and natural in this world.

With a primal scream I form a gun-shape with my right hand, the index finger extended like the mightiest of cannons and my thumb ramrod-straight. I like to shoot rubberbands like this because when I try to just draw it back I sometimes let go at the wrong time and it hits me in the face.

At any rate, I draw my mighty elastic ammunition across the dread frame that is my gun-hand. My eyes are now slits. The only things left in this world are me, my hand, and my foe. He is in my sights.

Target locked.

BANG BANG BANG I yell, bringing my thumb down and releasing my kinetic cannon, Bearer of the North Winds, Bringer of Destruction. The glorious hoop of industrial polymer sails across the room, striking my enemy between the eyes. It explodes, sending chunks of foul meat in every direction.

Silently, with a smirk, I wipe the remains from my eyes. And then, with them now clear, cast them toward the heavens.

I have won this day. I have made peace with my demons.

At last, my homeland will be free.”

See, you can’t do that!

Nor could you post up some odd little story

“The entire hall was in ruins and still in the process of being destroyed, as dozens of combatants hurled weapons, deadly, arcane magics, and themselves at on another in a desperate struggle to be the last one standing. Plumes of acrid green smoke rose from the pile of limp bodies you dragged yourself out of, having barely escaped the wrath of some fiendish spell. There it was – across the way, through the battling throng, through the bloodthirsty battle ahead of you, sitting untouched on a miraculously upright table – your pint of mead! And you’d get it back, if you had to kill every last one of the brawling tavern patrons to do it!”

It just wouldn’t work you see?

So yeah, obviously I lose… I’ve got nothing

Oleg

Avatar: 98357 2011-07-31 00:47:25 -0400
4

[And The Banned Pla-
yed On
]

Level 18 Hacker

INVINCIBLE POSTER

Log in to see images!

Oleg

Avatar: 98357 2011-07-31 00:47:25 -0400
4

[And The Banned Pla-
yed On
]

Level 18 Hacker

INVINCIBLE POSTER

Dunatis Posted:

The fun part is that it’s so subjective, there is no universally “good/funny” post, so the question is what does the OP think is a good post, which can essentially mean, post anything and eventually someone will hit onto something, that is of course unless we are given some sort of hint as to what the OP considers a good post.

Eventually the may simply be annoyed into giving it to the “least ****ty post” just to not have to read through our crap anymore.

You sound like MercWithMouth. Are you, by any chance, MercWithMouth? Hi MercWithMouth.

Oleg Posted:

Log in to see images!

Dunatis

Avatar: 78885 2011-11-01 01:20:41 -0400
100

[Cabal Gamez]

Level 69 Hacker

Richard Whittington

Oleg Posted:

You sound like MercWithMouth. Are you, by any chance, MercWithMouth? Hi MercWithMouth.

Also, WHEEEEEEE!!!

He was banned right? Aw ****, that must mean this is an illegal alt! Well **** me then…

(Hopefully the mods won’t notice)

I’m so torn… on the one hand I cannot report a post, on the other…rrrgnnnngngngn

Dunatis

Avatar: 78885 2011-11-01 01:20:41 -0400
100

[Cabal Gamez]

Level 69 Hacker

Richard Whittington

Don’t worry, you may luck out and a mod will show up and then my secret schizophrenia will be revealed to the world for all to see. And Merc will have been banned twice in one week, while banned!

Also, HI OLEG!!! Log in to see images!

Also, this wins the contest right? Log in to see images! Dunatis edited this message on 05/28/2009 11:50AM

Crocaen

Avatar: Kitten

Level 26 Permanoob

“Brain Dead”

Dunatis Posted:

Don’t worry, you may luck out and a mod will show up and then my secret schizophrenia will be revealed to the world for all to see. And Merc will have been banned twice in one week, while banned!

Also, HI OLEG!!! Log in to see images!

Also, this wins the contest right? Log in to see images!

Two personalities?

No, that’s been done way to many times in the movies come on be original!

Like the man who had two personalities who was holding himself for ransom really had a third personality that was holding both of those personalities hostages so that he could win the girl who had recently forgotten her entire life and then traveled through time to the land of the lost where she is stuck trying to figure out how to get home with her brother and father(or was it her uncle?)

Though the man who had three personalities was really staging it all for some extra attention while the black cop next door planned both of there deaths because he was really racist against Asian people.(one of the mans personalities was an old asain man FYI!)

Now that.

Is how.

You write an original story.

Dunatis

Avatar: 78885 2011-11-01 01:20:41 -0400
100

[Cabal Gamez]

Level 69 Hacker

Richard Whittington

Pshaw, not the dual personalities, that’s hardly any fun (Even if it does lead to some fun mystery solving when you wake up sometimes. Where’d all this blood come from? Why is there a dead hooker in the bathtub? Didn’t I used to have 2 testicles and not AIDS?) I meant the emoticons. Double bumdance awesome face is the best combo evars!Log in to see images!

Snap017

Avatar: Keyboard Keys
6

Level 35 Hacker

“43 4f 44 45 20 4d 41 53 54 45 52”

hay guiz wats goin on in dis thread

also…

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^ Sorry i said no spam so that can’t really win

socialistbaby

Avatar: Spider Illustration

Level 12 Emo Kid

“Gloomy Gus”

I really should be writing my history paper, but instead I whipped this up for BP. It’s not really in the form of “something that happened to someone”... but if you like political satire… =)

June 1st, 2009

Dear North Korea… oh, sorry, I mean “Democratic People’s Republic of Korea”

Look. We’ve spent a lot of time talking behind closed doors, spying on China, witholding information from our citizens, and all that bull****. Now, I think it’s time we just come out and say it: you guys are ****ing up bigtime.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re ****ing up even more than the Soviet Union because you aren’t actually accomplishing anything. Back in the good old days, Truman would wet his panties every time Stalin twitched. But with you guys, Kim Jong-Il can make as many bomb threats until he’s anemic, and South Korea is just like “Uh-huh, yeah, shut the **** up because we’re sick of your whining, you twats.” Not to mention the Soviet Union actually kicked our bumes with Sputnik and you guys can’t even fire a missile successfully. Unlike Stalin, you don’t have any Jews or ethnic minorities to prosecute, so instead you just starve everyone in your damn country. (OK, props for equality, I guess. We are big fans of that over here.)

I know that every country goes through an evil dictator stage where they just want to make tons of big, long nuclear warheads and go waving them around in other people’s faces. Please, get over your male reproductive organ fixation. We find it sickening. (Well, specifically, I find it sickening, and I think Obama finds it arousing.) I admit that the United States pioneered the art of nuclear douchebaggery, and some find our condemnation of nuclear weapons hypocritical. But wouldn’t we know best? Doesn’t America always know what’s best for the rest of the world? (Contradict me and you die, insolent flea.)

Oh, about that: you guys seem pretty convinced that America is out to get your bumes. I know that we have a long tradition of screwing over every other struggling third-world country that even mentions the possibility of Communism or nuclear bombs, but hey, you should just ignore all that! The Cold War is totally over! America loves peace and freedom again! Right? Right. So, don’t panic when we send troops into your country to dismantle all of your nuclear bombs. We are totally just trying to make the world a better place. Even if we are packing more warheads than you’ll ever be able to manufacture. They’re just “deterrents”.

Sincerely,

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Secretary of State

socialistbaby edited this message on 06/01/2009 10:12AM

Not funny plus you have to write the thing youself so it’s disqualified

socialistbaby

Avatar: Spider Illustration

Level 12 Emo Kid

“Gloomy Gus”

Umm, I did write it myself.

Whatever.

Dunatis

Avatar: 78885 2011-11-01 01:20:41 -0400
100

[Cabal Gamez]

Level 69 Hacker

Richard Whittington

socialistbaby Posted:

Umm, I did write it myself.

Whatever.

Also, WHEEEEEEE!!!

It very specifically states that it was written by Hillary Rodham Clinton. Or are you calling her a liar?

Snap017

Avatar: Keyboard Keys
6

Level 35 Hacker

“43 4f 44 45 20 4d 41 53 54 45 52”

1337xxxxxxxxxlolololololololololxxxxxxxxx1337 Posted:

^ Sorry i said no spam so that can’t really win

But it specifically states many times that it’s a good post. How could it NOT win?

Chawin

Avatar: 146808 2012-12-30 22:05:41 -0500
12

[Deth Krew 2010]

Level 69 Hacker

Scared of death

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