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Ban Me /\v/\v/\v/\v/\ Contest - 5bps! Someone, somewhere, please make a good post! /\v/\v/\v/\v/\

Team Shartbums snipe

1337xxxxxxxxxlolololololololololxxxxxxxxx1337 edited this message on 05/20/2009 10:13AM

Psy-4

Avatar: Skeleton Smoking
14

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

John was a simple, single man, working a quiet job, and was currently trying to do his shopping. ‘Trying’, because for the last twenty minutes he was followed and stared at by an elderly woman, and John found it irritating. When he made it to the check-out, the woman was right in front of him, and still staring at him. John wasn’t sure if he lost patience, or he found the courage, or both, but he decided to ask her about it.

“Uh, excuse me, you have been staring at me for the last half-hour, it’s very unnerving, could you please stop?”

The woman looked away, embarrbumed, “I’m sorry, it’s just, you remind me so much of my son. You even sound like him. He died in a car accident six months ago; the other driver, was intoxicated.”

John, felt really awkward, “I, uh, I’m sorry for your loss.” “That’s okay. I just wish I could hear him say good-bye to me properly. He never did, nobody expected it to be his last drive. Could we, at least, pretend? You sound so much like him, could you please do it?”

With the woman turned away. John was left feeling sorry for her, but at the same time was uncomfortable with calling a stranger ‘mom’. The cashier already finished doing the woman’s groceries, and started doing John’s. John decided that just this once and for the sake of the woman it was okay. “Bye, mom!” He said loudly to the woman, who was walking away, he saw her smile and walk more confidently until she was out of sight.

John remembered where he was, and turned to the cashier who has already finished and was telling him the price. “That’ll be 323 dollars and 74 cents.”

John was puzzled, “Excuse me, these are the same groceries I buy every week, and I always pay a third of that, are you sure you did not make a mistake?”

“No mistake, sir. Your mom told me, that her son would pay for her groceries.”

Ardent

Avatar: Sad Face
13

Level 69 Emo Kid

“The Infinite Sadness”

I’d like to take this opportunity to talk about something close to my chest…Humane Values.

Something we might not see all that often in today’s world, but significant nonetheless.

I used to think I was the only one who ever indulged myself in anonymous random acts of kindness, seeking no external approval or reward, except for the inner boner that it gave to my soul.

Then one day as I was watching television, I happened to chance upon an advert, shown here http://www.values.com/be-inspired/tv.asp?id=1093

“A message from the foundation for a better life”... those words kept ringing in my head for the rest of the day.

I woke up the next morning, and went about my day just like any other day, doing the things I normally do, Including being nice to random strangers, except I was just a tad comforted at the thought of there being other people like me out there, people who could at the very least preach, If not practice.

It could happen to YOU.

(Yes, even outside Soviet Russia)

duca

Avatar: 127754 2012-12-21 23:37:31 -0500
14

[And The Banned Pla-
yed On
]

Level 38 Camwhore

I like to rim Crispers out of guys bumholes

So like this one time I went to the bar.

And like, there were guys there and they were like “whooo, half nakie ladies dancing!”

and I was like “Dude, BOYS!”

and then I puked.

It was awesome.

Dunatis

Avatar: 78885 2011-11-01 01:20:41 -0400
100

[Cabal Gamez]

Level 69 Hacker

Richard Whittington

So me and some buddies are sitting around playing a superhero campaign, someone supposedly Good aligned continually blasting people in the face with acid. We start to ask if that’s really a nice thing to do when she justifies it with “They were shooting at me”.

Makes sense, but the one guy was just throwing knives and K-mart says “It’s totally legit, you throw a knife at me and I’ll enjoy your wife” Which is a little out of left field and to which my response is “So what you’re saying is I should have Jess throw a knife at you?”

3 weeks later after my best friend had take out and actually left a plastic knife over, I pbum it off to my gf who proceeds to throw it at her repeatedly and so now I shout “Rapist!” at her all the time and won’t let it die.

I know it’s not really funny, and I wasn’t going to post anything but upon seeing the “competition”, what the hell.

Crocaen

Avatar: Kitten

Level 26 Permanoob

“Brain Dead”

So there was Gary. He wasn’t doing anything exciting at the moment but Gary knew what to do. They hadn’t told him but he knew his job.

His dad had done it and even his dad’s dad had done it.

Though it was a very easy job, it was a comfortable job and he knew he could stay here for the rest of his life and be happy.

The job required no thinking and hardly any work other then numbering a chart and telling people that the chart signified this for that.

After that all he had to do was sit and get paid like a man who loved his life and his job.

Gary also had a love life. He had met his wife three weeks into college and they had dated ever since. They had only had two major fights and both had been due to very stressful days and they had both been completely over the fights within a week.

They ended up having two beautiful children.

From there they grew old, Gary kept his job just like his father before retiring when he was 60 because he didn’t mind keeping his job and it paid for the kids colleges and he and his wife were set for life.

Gary grew even older and eventually died with his wife.

His last words were that he loved his family and was happy that they were all happy.

Gary was dead.

I said make a good post.

Patently Chi-
ll Prestidig-
itator

Avatar: 128746 2011-10-09 04:24:59 -0400
8

[love is a dog from-
hell
]

Level 69 Troll

Celerysteve is incredible... he is just so... so incredible.

1337xxxxxxxxxlolololololololololxxxxxxxxx1337 Posted:

I said make a good post.

wow. all these are terrible

Papatulus

Avatar: harblgar

[WeChall]

Level 17 Troll

“Inflammatory Agent ”

What constitues a good post?

Cheekieweekie

Avatar: 130488 Fri Feb 20 11:09:22 -0500 2009
2

[team awesome face]

Level 35 Troll

“Problem Child IV”

So there was a fire at a circus. It was Intents.

Log in to see images! Cheekieweekie edited this message on 05/21/2009 10:55AM

Crocaen

Avatar: Kitten

Level 26 Permanoob

“Brain Dead”

1337xxxxxxxxxlolololololololololxxxxxxxxx1337 Posted:

I said make a good post.

What are you talking about!?

All my posts are Gold baby, Gold!

Cheekieweekie

Avatar: 130488 Fri Feb 20 11:09:22 -0500 2009
2

[team awesome face]

Level 35 Troll

“Problem Child IV”

ya srsly

Snap017

Avatar: Keyboard Keys
6

Level 35 Hacker

“43 4f 44 45 20 4d 41 53 54 45 52”

This contest, along with most of this damned website, is filth; everyone on it is filth, but I’ll be goddamned if it isn’t addicting to be a part of.

Crocen

Avatar: Woman's Abs
5

[Tormenting Evil Kn-
uckles of Satan
]

Level 35 Camwhore

“Legs Wide Open”

Snap017 Posted:

This contest, along with most of this damned website, is filth; everyone on it is filth, but I’ll be goddamned if it isn’t addicting to be a part of.

Have you ever rubbed it all over your body?

God its the most amazing feeling ever.

just printout a page and then pour honey and ketchup and chocolate syrup ALL OVER IT.

Then rub it all over your body.

If there is anything better then that i want to know now so i can add it to my collections of things that feel good covered in honey and chocolate syrup that i can rub all over my body.

Dunatis

Avatar: 78885 2011-11-01 01:20:41 -0400
100

[Cabal Gamez]

Level 69 Hacker

Richard Whittington

The fun part is that it’s so subjective, there is no universally “good/funny” post, so the question is what does the OP think is a good post, which can essentially mean, post anything and eventually someone will hit onto something, that is of course unless we are given some sort of hint as to what the OP considers a good post.

Eventually the may simply be annoyed into giving it to the “least ****ty post” just to not have to read through our crap anymore.

Crocen Posted:

Have you ever rubbed it all over your body?

God its the most amazing feeling ever.

just printout a page and then pour honey and ketchup and chocolate syrup ALL OVER IT.

Then rub it all over your body.

If there is anything better then that i want to know now so i can add it to my collections of things that feel good covered in honey and chocolate syrup that i can rub all over my body.

Actually this is probably the best so far.

And yes, it is completely subjective. Take your whining about how you are an unfunny 4chan on outta here, nooblords.

baou30

Avatar: 138741 Fri Mar 27 19:20:32 -0400 2009
2

Level 21 Emo Kid

I lol'd a little. :bigbarf:

This one time I was like Log in to see images!.

But then I Log in to see images!’d.

Log in to see images!

Mrteen7

Avatar: Code (Blue)
2

[TheLoneWolfes]

Level 23 Hacker

“Mafiaboy”

The Unexplained file of unknown records.

CHAPTER 1

It was a warm sunny day in my 3 period when all of a sudden *RUMBLE RUMBLE*.

An EARTHQUAKE,Quickly as we could we scrambled under the desks*BANG CRASH*. Lights and ceiling came crashing down on us. We came up from under the desks. There was something, something…Undescribeable. It was a…*Bam* I was struck and knocked out by a lighting panel.

CHAPTER 2

I awoken, pain in my neck and my hands hurt for some reason. It was dark so I couldn`t see anything. Then as if a thousand sun rose up there was light though it blinded me for a few seconds. I then realize where I was, I was liying in the street. The floor felt cold and metal-like.

Then it went a bit dimmer. I looked around everything seemed so strange.I followed a sign that said DOWNTOWN NYC.

I thought HOLY **** am in NEW YORK! Then I headed that way,Suddenly I seen something that made me jump in my skin there was another sign that said UPTOWN LA.I thought, did I read that correctly.I went on a freeway it was strangely empty.There was a piece of paper on the floor. It was dirty so I couldn`t read all of it,it said

THE WORLDLY NEWS 4-16-2921

NATIONAL POWER HAS BEEN *************!!!

Report of riots break out in the USNA.Crisis runs****************! World leader has gone missing though reports say that he was last seen in NYLA.

(the rest is Unreadable.)

Chapter 3 (TBC)

Should I continue or do I win.

Mrteen7 edited this message on 05/23/2009 12:11AM

Re dei sepol-
cri

Avatar: 94160 Sun Aug 02 22:32:53 -0400 2009
12

Level 35 Troll

“Problem Child IV”

Crocen Posted:

Have you ever rubbed it all over your body?

God its the most amazing feeling ever.

just printout a page and then pour honey and ketchup and chocolate syrup ALL OVER IT.

Then rub it all over your body.

If there is anything better then that i want to know now so i can add it to my collections of things that feel good covered in honey and chocolate syrup that i can rub all over my body.

Have you tried horse ****?

-MLF-

Avatar: 83146 Sun Jan 18 18:56:12 -0500 2009
6

Level 60 Hacker

“Cracking Addict”

Another post by that ridiculous giraffe guy, and that ridiculous ophelia person.

All of these novelty alts, I want one…

I quickly checked my BP count: 0. Oh ya, I spent my last 3 on nude pics from [user’s name omitted]...
Do I have any method of buying Bp? No…

I quickly headed over to GRP, switched to an alt, and made a thread asking for BP. That always works, doesn’t it?

After 9 posts of this being completely unfruitful, I decided to take dramatic action – desperate action… Do a contest.

Oh, back to the days of begging for episode 2 BP, I’ve since lost my touch, until “Make a good post”...

Truly, what is good? It’s relative to the preferences of the original poster, what’s good to me, may not be good to her…So, there’s only one thing to do…

Log in to see images!

WAIT! No, that’s not what I should do, not what I should do at all…

Frustrated at my inability to form humour, I realize how pathetic my life is; if I’m begging for money on the internet.

I got out of my seat, went up the stairs, and opened the front door. And through I went, outside.

I marveled at this strange new world, and walked towards the street, I began to cross it, when I was promptly run over.

I am now sitting in a hospital bed, paralyzed from the neck down, writing this post using voice command.

I realize now, my mission in life, is to not go outside.

The End.
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