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PhineasPoe's Flamebate Posts
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CLOSED: FAILS HELPS POOR KIDS: CONTEST 1 (for 7 BPs)
Norm McDonald is the original troll.
You might want to skip to like the 3:15 mark or so. The girl says some boring ****. (view post) |
09/16/2008 | |
CLOSED: 1 bp contest: Linkoramahttp://www.boingboing.net/2008/09/15/disneys-1946-menstru.html (view post) |
09/15/2008 | |
forbidden love...goes straight to the heartHank Venture Posted: (view post) |
09/13/2008 | |
Evil Trout's Beta Launch Podcast: Call for questionsWill Episode 2 make a more confident, attractive person?
Also: put me in the Beta…? (view post) |
09/12/2008 | |
CLOSED: Contest for 1 BP: Name the weird colored bird/monstrosityRainbowtzalcoatl (view post) |
09/12/2008 | |
The Gourds, Gin and JuicePfft. Breakin’.
Breakin’ 2 was when the series really hit its stride. (view post) |
09/11/2008 | |
happy bd to netlenkaI haven’t seen netlenka around here in forever. Internet forever. Like a month and a half. (view post) |
09/11/2008 | |
contest: write a story! the third! (7 BP)King Krimson Posted:
It comes as many constellations, dear friend. Thank you. (view post) |
09/09/2008 | |
contest: write a story! the third! (7 BP)Once again, neither I nor my my alcoholism is as celebrated as John Cheever. (view post) |
09/09/2008 | |
Petition to have E-Peen changed to E-Poon for girlse-Dinner-Making-Ability (view post) |
09/09/2008 | |
iRAWR is not a very good posteriRAWR is 13. A year older than Gigerth. It must be shameful to be a worse poster than a 12 year old. (view post) |
09/07/2008 | |
Good B Sci-Fi/Horror movies (Ironic, I know)REPO MAN (view post) |
09/05/2008 | |
Does anyone here enjoy The Venture Brothers?The most recent season finale was so impossibly good Log in to see images!
“I think it’s high time we had us an old fashioned pow wow. A woo woo woo!” (view post) |
09/02/2008 | |
contest: write a story! the third! (7 BP)This is kind of long, but I don’t really care.
———————————————————————
Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show
“Oh!” He put his hand over his mouth. “Aren’t I rude Rita? Can I get you anything to drink? We’ve got water, Tab, and I think there might be some red Crystal Light left.” Sacha Veber turned his head and called through oak double doors, “GiGi?” A pause, then louder, “GiGi!”
“I’m fine, really. Is GiGi, uh,” I started.
“The baron’s first name?” Sacha took a drag of his clove cigarette, “Yeah, I think he’s a little embarrbumed by it. Probably why you couldn’t find it on the Reveries of Time site. Which is why you’re here, right? You’re a supplier or something.” His voice was more breath than sound.
“Right.” Wrong. I couldn’t tell this nancy Nosferatu that though. The coven would find out too late that I was Killian MacMarder, renowned killer of alternative lifestyle monsters. In my fifteen years, I’ve taken down everything from New Age werewolves to leather freak swamp creatures. Without me the east coast would still be plagued with nudist pirate ghosts. Used to be you couldn’t buy a Steely Dan record in Oregon without getting bumaulted by a hipster Bigfoot. I made that state safe for squares. So, when the mayor of New Orleans heard there was some freaky fabulous goings on down at the docks, he called the right man.
A few questions down on the water front brought up the name Sacha Veber. Apparently he and his clique had been trolling the docks for awhile, picking up lonely sailors. I did a little research and found that Veber along with Baron GiGi Von Felch ran a scrap booking service. Clbumic fabulous personpire cover. A midnight call earned me an appointment and directions that lead to the deepest depths of the Louisiana swampland.
The Chambre de l’Arc-en-ciel Sanglant reeked of blood and bum sex. The servants and scrap booking staff were a mbum of dyed hair, pierced nipples, leather, mesh, limp wrists, and sharp bicuspids. The decor fluctuated between kitsch and Gothic, accented by large portraits of Lou Reed and Bowie. The iPod had just finished playing an electro-dance version of “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” when I first sat down with Sacha.
“I represent a stationary company and if you deal exclusively with us we’re willing to offer some deals that, honestly, I think are pretty good.”
Veber flipped his hair and said, “You could’ve just, like, called.”
I hate his kind more than any others. The fabulous personkin. They’re why I got into this business. My brother was abducted by the all gay vampire cast for the traveling show of The Fantasticks. I told him never to trust a show that doesn’t have a matinee, dammit! Now, he probably sleeps in coffin with a glory hole and haunts the actor’s entrances of musicals. At least, until I put him to rest. I gave my host a smile, “I wouldn’t be able to show you my samples.”
The next song on the iPod began playing. “Rainbow Connection,” the Kermit the Frog version. I laid the large cardboard sample case at my feet onto the table between me and Sacha. The plan was simple, take out Veber and Von Felch, the seeming masters, out first and throw the coven into a panic. Set a cleansing fire to complicate things and take down as much of the coven as I can.
Rainbows are visions/ They’re only illusions/ And rainbows have nothing to hide
I opened the case just enough to slip my hands in. My smile widened and I stared hard into Veber’s eyes. “You foul, prancing, deviant monster of the night. Prepare to feel a MacMarder’s wrath.” My hands knocked back the lid of the case as one hoisted the weight of the sword and the other my stake shooter, a divine projectile all ready chambered and ready.
“WAIT! Kuh-Killian?” I froze, the creature’s voice was different now. “It’s me…Devon.”
My brother. I had no words.
“I thought it might’ve been you. I mean, I kind of hoped it wasn’t, because of the kind of thing you’re doing nowadays.” He looked away, chewing on his lip. “I made a scrap book of all the articles about you in papers and magazines. It’s..I think it’s pretty cute, but GiGi doesn’t really…” Devon trailed off. My stake shooter was still aimed at his heart. “Don’t do this.”
“I have to…you’re a scourge. I can’t let you live this way.” He reached past my weapons and stroked my cheek.
“Oh, Killian, you don’t understand…All of us under it’s spell, we know that it’s probably magic. I have been half asleep and I have heard voices. I heard them calling my name.”
“Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?” I asked.
“The voice may be one in the same. I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it.” He drifted towards the window and opened it up to the night. “It’s something that I’m supposed to be. Someday you’ll find it, the Rainbow Connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and me.”
“I’ll have to kill the rest,” I had put my weapons at my side, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to him.
“I understand. Just let me go, brother.” With that he was gone.
“Lah dah dah dee dah dah doo…” I tried to finish the song as I sunk to the floor and cried.
When I was done crying. I killed. (view post) |
09/02/2008 | |
all cowboys are gay(view post) |
09/01/2008 | |
The Official "I would like some free BP please" threadHooray! Welfare! Can I have some BPs, please? (view post) |
08/31/2008 | |
CLOSED: TROLLTIME: Your Best InsultYOU AINT GOT NO MONEY (view post) |
08/29/2008 | |
dead kennedys or crbumIGGY POP (view post) |
08/25/2008 | |
Funniest joke wins 1 BP (Up to 10 BP)Who was the most influential man in Kurt Cobain’s life?Remington (view post) |
08/23/2008 | |
I Need Good Book SuggestionsChuck Palahniuk is cool until you realize almost all of his books are the same. They’re still worth reading up to Lullaby though.
In high school I wrote a letter to him and he sent me back his reply along with a box containing trick candles, a box of chocolates, a Virgin Mary night light, and a necklace that the letter said he made for me. He signed the box the necklace was in and his reply letter. Pretty cool dude.
Edit: I forgot there was also a stuffed musk rat. Not taxidermied, but a stuffed animal. The letter said it was my power musk rat. (view post) |
08/23/2008 |