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Mc Banhammer S Guide To The Klans

On May 14th, 2008 MC Banhammer began a journey through the noteworthy klans of Forumwarz. He then reported on these travels in his travelogue, which is kept here for posterity.

Log in to see images!This is his story:

Team Shortbus

My first stop was — where else? — to Team Shortbus. You may have a giant male reproductive organ up your bum, or “GCUYA” as the cool kids like to say, from their frequent (some say incessant) (all say annoying) posts on these very forums.

When you first enter the TSB private forum, you may feel as though you haven’t left the main role-playing forums. Their unique brand of trolling (trademark pending) continues throughout their own forums, meaning that if you don’t enjoy their public antics, you’re not likely to enjoy their private ones. But if you do enjoy their public ones, you’ll relish the added insight into their minds. Or perhaps be scarred forever, hard to tell.

During my time there I was witness to a fantastic effort of “get all the klan epeens”, executed with brilliance and panache in the inimitable TSB way. While that’s not business as usual, I could tell from previous posts that tools for trolling and other “cool troll” things are readily available, and there is no shortage of klan members who will help you in your quests while simultaneously tearing you down.

tl;dr: TSB is ****ing awesome.


SRSLY is quite a different animal than TSB. Srsly.

They’re pretty quiet. Their main purpose, near as I can tell, is to promote role-playing in the forums, and to that end, they (as of this writing) sponsor a contest each week. I didn’t participate in the voting, but those who do discuss their favorites and their reasons.

Occasionally one of their members comes up with an idea for a role-playing thread or storyline, and solicits the other members for feedback and to participate. Response varies but the results are usually worth it. I myself enjoyed playing in a fine upstanding member of society thread they created in-house.

What I feel they’re missing, though, which could make them a real draw if they decide to incorporate this idea, is advice on how to role-play. I’m not saying they should teach how to be interesting or creative (although if they could pull that off it would certainly help), but I would’ve liked to have seen ideas on how to sound like a camwhore, emo kid, re-re, or yes, even troll, consistently; how to use clbum-appropriate emoticons correctly; what level of Unintelligencer to use and whether you should replace words it doesn’t; etc. If they offered this service I think they’d get a bigger draw.

Not that it looks like they want a big draw; their klan description reads “We do like to see RP in forums before we invite folks.” Given the problems people have playing non-trolls, SRSLY may be keeping out the very people who could most add to their mission of being “fabulous persongy RP people with others”.

tl;dr: I was hoping for more encouragement and help in role-playing, and hope they expand to this soon. Right now they mainly focus on their contest.

Board of Directors (Editors note: formerly Episode 2 Beta)

Well, Board of Directors was exactly what I thought it was — and more.

No question about it, they’re focused on Domination. But whereas I thought they just organized raids, they’ve actually done a ton of analysis on Domination: how to play, when to play, what to play, strategy guides, etc. Tips on speed-running as well.

They run raids frequently, and just by being on at the right time you have a chance to “earn” lots of vanilla scoops just by checking that Raid link. And (in what may be a unique situation), every klan member is made an officer, so you can start a raid yourself whenever you’d like! This allows for maximum coverage and scooportunities.

In the one raid I actively participated in (for all of about 5 minutes before I went to sleep), there were very few of us, yet we were able to roll 12 forums for quite some time.

The Klan members work with each other to help each other get medals, by using Klan Power™ to gang-enjoy targets so the Board of Directors favored member can walk over them. If you’re a newbie wanting to medal, most likely Board of Directors will be in your bracket and available to help you.

So any of you solo Domination players who aren’t klanned, this is a fine one to join if you want to take your Domination playing to a whole new level.

If you’re not interested in Domination, then stay away. Not that they might not have you, but there’s really not much, if anything, on their extensive boards other than Dom talk. Sure they have members who participate in other aspects of the site, but there are probably better fits for you. See TSB and SRSLY above, for Flamebate.

70 Character Storytellers

Most recently I visited 70 Character Storytellers, and I apologize for the delay. How best to sum them up?

THE INCIT MASTERS Featuring tips, tricks, and friendly fun. Superb! The name of the klan refers to INCIT, in that the Title can contain at most 20 characters, and the Motivational Text, 50. They offers tips for good submissions (in general, not when INCIT is being trolled), they show off the ones they're most proud of, etc. If you like INCIT, you'll love the 70CS. Highly recommended for this demographic.

The Gentlemans Club

Well, I tried to infiltrate the Gentlemans Club, but alas, they’re tough cookies to crack, what with being spies and all that.

From what I could glean, they do most of their activity on IRC. I don’t use IRC, so I don’t know what that activity was. But I do know that they have some of the most intriguing role-playing threads this side of SRSLY, and that the plans for those stories are hatched in their secret lair.

They also have spy tools, but what they’re using them for is — well, I can’t say. But they have them, use them, and could teach you how to also.

So, if you want to be a spy (not a Forumwarz Domination spy, but a cloak-and-dagger type spy), or just role-play like one, join the Gentlemans Club.

01001011 01101100 01100001 01101110

01001011 01101100 01100001 01101110 is a klan full of robots trying to, well, take over the world. If you’re a robot, and are interested in World Domination, they’ll probably welcome you with open servos. If not, they’ll probably grind you under their treads repeatedly until you’re simply a mbum of torn flesh and broken bones. Or just not let you in, one or the other.

Their plans are coming along slowly, but they’re coming along.

Oh yes — — — they’re coming along.

**** YOU

Well. I recently spent some time with **** YOU, and I have to say, I enjoyed the **** out of it. Most of that has to do with its admin, Angry Hobo, encouraging me to abuse my mod powers in there. So I stickied a ridiculous thread, edited a bunch of other people’s posts, and even (accidentally) moved one of their threads somewhere that only ET and the other admins can see. Whoops!

And basically, the tone of that previous paragraph explains the key thing which sets **** YOU apart from other troll klans I’ve visited: while those others (like TSB) take their trolling seriously, **** YOU just doesn’t care. Which is why the public sees so much unfunny crap from them, as well as the occasional good stuff.

Note that their private forums also contain unfunny crap. And some good stuff. But most of all, fun. That’s what I take from it, ‘cause that’s what I feel they offer. You just have to suffer with being berated on the public forums for being a member.

Snobby McSnobbersons

It has been my snooty pleasure to have been invited to klan Snobby McSnobbersons shortly after their inauguration, due not to my krawl but rather to the snobbishness of having me as a member.

These people consider themselves the upper crust of the upper crust, at least on their private forums. There they lawf at the riff-raff and have-nots. Or at least those whom they consider to be riff-raff and have-nots.

The klan considers themselves highly elite, and so, as of this writing, are invitation-only, with members nominating potential other members and then voting on them. So I’m not sure that you (the reader of this article) could get in even if you wanted to. Sorry about that.

They talk a good snobbish game on the private forums. What I’d like to see, though, is the klan bring its snobbish attitude out to the role-playing forums. You can currently see some members beginning to change their avatars to snooty ones, but I’d like to see their posts start matching. Then they’d really be portraying the (high school clique? Stand-offish boors?) better-than-thou’s they think they are. And the rest of us could troll the **** out of them.

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