Jalapeno Bootyhole BFF Contest

On November 13th of 2008, Jalapeno Bootyhole ran a contest in this thread where he asked for a BFFAAW (best friend for about a week.) The duties of the winner would be at minimum to do the following: (As listed by Jalapeno Bootyhole)

• Defend me vigorously in the RP forums and IDC.
• Bump my ****ty, largely vacant threads with words of encouragement.
• Notify me by Tubmail or instant message when my good name is being besmirched, my Wiki page vandalized, etc.
• Seek out and harbum my numerous enemies.
• Generally, act as you would with a “real” internet friend!

Contest High Jinks

This contest opened a can of high jinks and **** loads of brown nosing, including the following:

• People making Community Ads about how JB is great, or a great lover
• Johnny Mac creating a website devoted to JB (http://www.sympathytree.com/jalapenobootyhole/)
• People posting threads about how they would rather be JB's enemies instead of his friends.
• Many many people declaring their love and promising their undying loyalty to JB if he chooses them as BFFAAW.

Results

On November 16, JB announced the results in this post. As could be expected from such a magnanimous individual as Jalapeño Bootyhole, there was more than just a single winner. Here is a rough summary:

• 1st place: Shrtcat
  • Prize: 7BP, Custom E-Peen
• 2nd place: Johnny Mac
  • Prize: 5BP, Custom E-Peen
• 3rd place: 1338h4x
  • Prize: 3BP, Custom E-Peen

• Special Runners Up: Klan Brainfreeze
  • Prize: Custom Klan E-Peen: Friend of Bootyhole

Log in to see images! The following week started pretty much as usual except with JB suddenly having a lot of people to defend him in Flamebate. Unfortunately some of his new friends sometimes in their enthusiasm went beyond the call of friendship and common decency. Within 2 days, both Shrtcat and 1338h4x had been banned by none other than JB himself for breaking Forumwarz rules, leaving Brainfreeze and Johnny Mac as the remaining BFFs.

Enemies & Frenemies

A little while after the contest, in this thread, Jalapeno Bootyhole declared his enemies and frenemies.

Enemies: Hobart Bliggity, Odalisque, Jalapeno_Bootyhole, AKK, SuperMonkeyMan, *CoreyJess, Maximum Douche, quangntenemy, SIG-ENABLING MOCK-CONGLER, gigerth, Angry hobo, Laguna, P-doggie, Crinkz, elenaratelimit, Veer.

Frenemies: Nicco, *Fran, FalconFour, FAIL, BINGEBOT 2015, Evil Trout.

(*)These characters redeemed themselves in the eyes of Jalapeño Bootyhole.

What happened to them? Well, they were trolled throughout the week. Highlights included the following:

• Kittie Jenn gave us some visual aids to help identify them
• Jwred5 founded the First Church of the Jalapeño and tried to save the souls of the misguided. See scripture below.
• Wylin tried his hand at trolling:

Log in to see images! The Book of Habanero

• “The heathens will flood the lands with their filth. But fear not, for the epic light of the Jalapeno will show the truth path to enlightenment, and tacos.” -Habanero 3:41

• “The heathens shall turn upon each other, and enjoy each other most thoroughly. But do not let down your guard, for they shall always be hungry for moar male reproductive organs.” -Habanero 5:12

• “The unfunny fabulous persons will unite, and try to bring down the true believers. But we all know what happens to gay little pedobears like them. Black people. Black people happen to them. In the bum.” -Habanero 7:71

• “The trolls will put forth epic lulz. But fear not, for the Power of the Jalapeno shall shelter you from all that is fabulous person and humorless.” -Habanero 9:12

The Book of Chipolte

• “The weak shall arise to proclaim themselves worthy adversaries. But in truth, they shall arise and fall like the pbuming of the gas, and in the end, only the Jalapeno will remain.” -Chipolte 1:14

• AND THE JALPENO SAYETH “The douche shall remain dry and fruitless, for it is an unfunny piece of crap” -Chipolte 3:21

• “And the whore arose, redeemed by the white hot love of the Jalapeno.” -Chipolte 4:15

• “The fine upstanding member of society walked through the valley of darkness. He never found his way home, for his sins were many, and his brain cells were few.” -Chipolte 5:12

• “No matter how he warps your words, the troll knows he cannot possibly sway the true believers. And all shall see him for what he is, A lonely fabulous person who has a hole in his life. A hole filled with male reproductive organs.” -Chipolte 8:61

• “The saddest and most pathetic of all evils is the Mock-Congler. You shall know him not by the CAPS he writes in, for even noobs can do this. Nor by the misuse of punctuation, for all camwhores know not of such things. No, you will know him by his complete and utter lack of ingenuity. Also, he will have lots of male reproductive organs in his bum.” -Chipolte 9:51

The Book of Jalapeno

• “The sheep shall be powerless, til they find a righteous path, and exact it’s unyielding power through the mbumes.” -Jalapeno 1:1