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Forumwarz is the first "Massively Single-Player" online RPG completely built around Internet culture.

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Base Cost

This is the base cost of all items on Forumwarz. The best way to find the base cost of an item is to use the create an auction screen provided by Kyoubai: it shows the base costs of all of your unequipped items. Alternatively, if you know your frugality multiplier or it's on the chart below you can use the price that the ppwn shop will buy it for. This price is calculated by multiplying the base cost by your frugality multiplier, rounded down. Running this backwards, you can divide your sale price by your multiplier, but rounding errors mean that you might end up with a slightly different base cost than the real one using this method. Please use Kyoubai instead.

Frugality Multiplier
1
2
3
4
5 0.5875
6
7 0.6225
8
9 0.6575
10
11 to at least 22 0.655

NOTE: Books may have a high base value but they have an extremely low resale value in the ppwne shoppe.

Image Name Type Base Cost
‘90s Senior Picture Junk 41,325
Actual Garbage Junk 31,500
Adoption Certificate Special 292,500
Arabic Tattoo Tattoo 500
Baby Sealskin Overcoat Fetish 3,000
Bachelor of Liberal Arts Degree Special 525
bear escapes local zoo children die hysterical.divy Video File 65,345
Birdhouse Junk 9
Black Armband Tattoo Tattoo 16,000
Black Box Hardware 100
Blood Analyzer Hardware 19,000
Blue Box Hardware 1,000
Bicycle Junk 500
Brolex Watch Junk 59,550
Chinese Takeaway Junk 1
CMPLT MRN’S GIDE 2 TXTNG Book 172,000
Complete Set of All Seven Dragon Balls Special 250,000
Copper Heatsink Hardware 500
Crack Addict™ Boythong Lingerie 150,000
DEFINITELY NOT A SHOCK IMAGE.ogle Picture File 65,345
Dishwashing Brush Junk 4
Don’t Tell Mommy™ Fetish 25
Easter Eggs Junk 57,750
Eyebrow Piercing Piercing 30
Falcon Preservation Donor Receipt Junk 80,000
Flip-Flops Shoes 10
FranCisco GAI-Series Hardware 4,000
FreeLink Router Hardware 50
Fuzzy Handcuffs Special 6,838
Gaydar Glbumes 436,000
Geek-Chic™ Glbumes 400
Gem-Studded Crawks™ Shoes 6,838
Genuine Troll Club Fetish 999
Hamster-Powered Motherboard Hardware 176,500
Hard Drive full o’ Porn Hardware 139,500
Harris Piltons™ Glbumes 10,000
Heterozygous Tiger Fetish 600
Homeless Man’s Cardboard Box Hardware 5
Hypnotism Glbumes Glbumes 311,000
I Almost Had Sex With a Woman: Memoirs of a Hacker Hero Book 73,000
iPrune™ Computer 999
IRL Firewall Special 231,625
Ironic Egg Timer Junk 5
Japanese Schoolgirl Knee-High Socks Shoes 3,970
Japanese Tattoo Tattoo 100
Jew's harp Junk 6,000
Laundry Cat Junk 56,400
Lucky Dead Squirrel Special 1,499
Low-End Fan Hardware 150
Marble Junk 2
Master Ball Special 325,000
Me without black eyeshadow (don't make fun).GAWK Picture File 502
Medical Eyepatch Glbumes 470,000
Navel Piercing Piercing 32,000
Nutmeg Consumable 10
nVulva TITZ Hardware 750
Obsolete Computer Computer 50
Pearl Necklace Necklace Junk 22,225
Pictures of YOU.leer Picture File 65,345
pink floyd – darkside full album (ttly syncs w/ wzrd of oz at 2:43 awesome!!!).h Music File 85,345
PointLezz™ MicroNotebook Computer 2,749
Princess Shoes Shoes 100
Prodded™ Glbumes 32,000
Professor Tightly’s Old-Fashioned™ Corset Lingerie 800,000
PruneBook™ Computer 1,999
PruneServ™ Computer 4,999
Raffle Ticket Junk 10
Rare Hitler Stamp Fetish 21,000
Reading Glbumes Glbumes 5
Retro Calendar Junk 6
Seacrest 250GB Hard Drive Hardware 200
Sexual relations with that woman Junk 5,325
Simple Web Spider™ Web Spider 50
****.MILF.asian.mammary glands.great timesshot.latina.interracial.anal.girls.dvda Video File 65,345
spank that (soulja girl).lstn Music File 65,345
Stack of Burnt DVDs Junk 34,848
Stem Cell Harvesting Kit Fetish 1,500
Sticky Ball of Garbage Special 100,000
Stripper Pole Special 200,000
Suit of the Union™ Long Johns Lingerie 9,000
Superi-Os™ Junk 36,450
Tempdress ™ Crotchless Panties Lingerie 633,500
The Anorexic Cookbook: 59 Fun Recipes for Water Book 228,000
The Color Orange Junk 55,000
The Italian Junk 57,900
The Ol’ Backup Computer 1,499
The Pleasure Bag™ Junk 50,000
Thieved Identity Fetish 75
Toasted western 500GB hard drive Hardware 4,000
Tomato Soup Can Junk 8
Tonsil Regeneration Surgical Procedure 150,000
Toy Eyeball Junk 4
Unaired Network Exclusive – Black People with REAL Jobs.divy Video File 65,345
Urine-Cooling System Hardware 19,000
Used Antipode™ Sneakers Shoes 5
Venus de Milo Junk 60,000
Versnatche™ Earbleeders Glbumes 504,000
Viva Brazilia™ Microkini Lingerie 504,000
Vulgari™ Pretentious Glbumes 260,000
Vinyl Record Junk 7
Water-Cooling System Hardware 4,000
Wirefire 6.38 Computer 3,499

Items to be added to the table (shamelessly copy-pasted from elsewhere on spoilerpedia). It would also be good to watch the ppwn show and kyoubai:

Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
Log in to see images!Ego +12 Log in to see images!Ego +20 Log in to see images!Ego +50
Log in to see images!Ego +100 Log in to see images!Ego +30 Log in to see images!Kills you.
Icon Name and Stats
Log in to see images!Removes Ad Hominem
Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
Log in to see images!Processing Power +15 Log in to see images!Processing Power +30
Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
Log in to see images!Tears +10 Log in to see images!Tears +18
Log in to see images!Tears +40 Log in to see images!Tears +60
Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
Log in to see images!Sexiness +15 Log in to see images!Sexiness +25 Log in to see images!Sexiness +50
Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +10 Log in to see images!For 3 turns:
  • Defense +5
    • Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +25
  • Ego -1
    		• Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +10
  • Ego +10
    • Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +50
  • Ego -15
    		• Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +60
    Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +100
  • Ego -15
    		• Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +150

    Homemade ‘Roids Sampler Pack Digital Vasectomy 3.0

    Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!For 5 turns:
  • Ego +50
  • (Wearing more
  • than one kills you)
    		• Log in to see images!Ego +100
    Log in to see images!Ego +150 Log in to see images!Ego +45
  • Processing Power +100
  • Sexiness +160
  • Tears +175
  • Douchebaggery +315
    • Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +200 Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +250
    Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Processing Power +150
    Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Tears +40 Log in to see images!Tears +100
  • Sexiness +65
    • Log in to see images!Tears +200
    Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Sexiness +50 Log in to see images!Tears +100
  • Sexiness +65
    • Log in to see images!Sexiness +100 Log in to see images!Sexiness +200
    Icon Icon Icon
    Log in to see images!Ego +200 Log in to see images!Ego +250 Log in to see images!Ego +300
    Log in to see images!Processing Power +45 Log in to see images!Processing Power +60 Log in to see images!Processing Power +90
    Log in to see images!Tears +75 Log in to see images!Tears +150 Log in to see images!Douchebaggery +300
    Log in to see images!Sexiness +75 Log in to see images!Sexiness +150 Log in to see images!Sexiness +275
    Computers
    Log in to see images!Max Ego +5
    Log in to see images!Max Ego +13
    Log in to see images!Max Ego +24
    Log in to see images!Max Ego +47
    Consumables
    Log in to see images! for 9 turns after use.
    Log in to see images!Removes DVORAK
    Log in to see images!Prevents Power Surges for 9 turns after use.
    Log in to see images!, and Packet Loss for 9 turns after use
    Junk
    Log in to see images!
    Log in to see images!
    Other Stuff
    Log in to see images!Listed as useless junk, but also required for a mission
    Log in to see images!Quest Item
    Log in to see images!.
    Icon
    Log in to see images!Useless Junk
    Log in to see images!Useless Junk
    Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Max Ego: +20 Log in to see images!Max Ego: +30 Log in to see images!Max Ego: +42
    Log in to see images!Max Ego: +50 Log in to see images!Max Processing Power +72
  • Offense +4
  • Defense +4
  • Luck +3
    		• Plum™ Plum™ iBrator™
    • Max Sexiness +210
    • Offense +5
    • Defense +3
    • Luck +6
    • Charisma +6

    Computers

    Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Max Ego +36

    Hardware

    Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Processing Power +5 Log in to see images!Luck +1
    Log in to see images!Processing Power +25 Log in to see images!Luck +3
    Log in to see images!Processing Power +50 Log in to see images!Luck +5
    Log in to see images!Processing Power +100 Log in to see images!Luck +10
    Log in to see images!Offense +2 Log in to see images!Defense +1
  • Offense +2
    • Log in to see images!Offense +5 Log in to see images!Defense +4
  • Offense +5
    • Log in to see images!Offense +8 Log in to see images!Defense +6
  • Offense +8
    • Log in to see images!Offense +10 Log in to see images!Defense +10
  • Offense +12
    • Log in to see images!Offense +15 Log in to see images!Defense +15
  • Offense +15
    • Log in to see images!Defense +2 Log in to see images!Processing Power +15
  • Offense +2
    • Log in to see images!Defense +5 Log in to see images!Processing Power +35
  • Offense +4
    • Log in to see images!Defense +8 Log in to see images!Processing Power +75
  • Offense +6
    • Log in to see images!Defense +3 Log in to see images!Max Ego +20
    Log in to see images!Defense +4 Log in to see images!Defense +15
  • Offense +15
  • Luck +10
    • Log in to see images!Defense +6
    Log in to see images!Defense +7
  • Luck +3

    • Special Items

    Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Max Ego +8
  • Max Processing Power +37
  • Offense +10
  • Defense +12
  • Luck +4
    		• Log in to see images!Max Ego +16
  • Max Processing Power +24
  • Offense +12
  • Defense +15
  • Luck +3

    • Piercings

    Icon Icon
    Log in to see images!Max Tears +5 Log in to see images!Max Tears +30
  • Offense -1
  • Charisma -1
    • Log in to see images!Max Tears +75
  • Offense +2
  • Defense +2
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +100
  • Offense +5
  • Defense +5

    • Tattoos

    Icon Icon
    Log in to see images!Max Tears +10
  • Charisma -1
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +10
    Log in to see images!Max Tears +10
  • Luck +2
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +20
  • Offense +1
    • Log in to see images!Max Tears +30
  • Offense -1
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +20
  • Defense +1
    • Log in to see images!Max Tears +35 Log in to see images!Max Tears +50
  • Offense +3

    • fetishes:

    Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +5
  • Defense +1
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +10
  • Defense +2
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +10
  • Offense +2
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +25
  • Defense +3
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +35
  • Offense +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +50
  • Offense +3
  • Defense +3
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +60
  • Offense +3
  • Defense +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +75
  • Offense +3
  • Defense +10
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +125
  • Offense +3
  • Defense +10
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +375
  • Offense +6
  • Defense +24

    • Glbumes

    Icon Icon Icon
    Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +5 Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +5 Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +10
  • Offense +1
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +20
  • Charisma +2
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +30
  • Charisma +2
  • Luck -1
  • Defense -1
  • Offense -1
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +15
    Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +33
  • Charisma +3
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +40
  • Charisma +3
  • Defense +2
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +50
  • Charisma +5
  • Defense +3
    • Icon Icon Icon
    Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +2 Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +5 Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +7
  • Defense +1
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +10 Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +20 Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +15
  • Defense +2
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +30
  • Defense +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +35
  • Luck +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +40
  • Offense +5
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +45
  • Offense +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +50
  • Offense +5
  • Defense +2
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +75
  • Offense +5
  • Defense +5
  • Luck +5
    • Icon Icon Icon
    Log in to see images!Useless Junk Log in to see images!Max Processing Power +25
  • Offense +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +30
  • Charisma +3
    • Log in to see images!Max Ego +15 Log in to see images!Max Tears +25
  • Defense +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Processing Power +50
  • Offense +10
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +50
  • Luck +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Ego +25 Log in to see images!Max Tears +45
  • Defense +7
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +40
  • Charisma +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +75
  • Luck +8
    		• Log in to see images!Max Ego +30
    Log in to see images!Max Tears +60
  • Defense +9
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +80
  • Charisma +10
    • Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Max Tears +100
    Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +100
    Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +100
    Log in to see images!Max Processing Power +100
    Log in to see images!Max Ego +50
    Icon Icon
    Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +25
  • Offense +2
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +35
  • Charisma +2
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +45
  • Luck +2
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +50
  • Defense +3
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +70
  • Defense +3
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +90
  • Charisma +5
  • Offense +2
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +110
  • Charisma +5
  • Luck +4
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +130
  • Charisma +5
  • Luck +5
  • Offense +2
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +150
  • Charisma +4
  • Luck +4
  • Offense +4
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +175
  • Charisma +5
  • Luck +5
  • Offense +5
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +200
  • Charisma +6
  • Luck +6
  • Offense +6
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +250
  • Charisma +7
  • Luck +7
  • Defense +7
    • Icon Icon Icon
    Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +75
  • Charisma +4
  • Defense +2
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +100
  • Charisma +2
  • Defense +4
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +125
  • Charisma +4
  • Defense +4
  • Offense +4
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +50 Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +150
  • Charisma +6
  • Offense +8
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +200
  • Charisma +10
  • Offense +5
  • Defense +5
    • Log in to see images!Max Ego +50 Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +250
  • Douchebaggery +100
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +250
  • Charisma +10
  • Offense +8
  • Defense +8
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +300
  • Charisma +15
  • Offense +9
  • Defense +9
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +400
  • Charisma +20
  • Offense +12
  • Defense +10
    		• Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +500
  • Charisma +22
  • Offense +10
  • Defense +14
    • Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +600
  • Charisma +25
  • Offense +18
  • Defense +12

    • Piercings

    Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Max Tears +125
  • Offense +5
  • Defense +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +150
  • Offense +6
  • Defense +5
    • Log in to see images!Max Tears +200
  • Offense +6
  • Defense +6
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +225
  • Offense +7
  • Defense +6
    • Log in to see images!Max Tears +250
  • Offense +6
  • Defense +7
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +275
  • Offense +7
  • Defense +7
    • Log in to see images!Max Tears +300
  • Offense +8
  • Defense +7
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +325
  • Offense +8
  • Defense +8

    • Tattoos

    Icon Name and Stats Icon Name and Stats
    Log in to see images!Max Tears +75
  • Defense +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +100
  • Offense +5
    • Log in to see images!Max Tears +125
  • Defense +6
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +150
  • Defense +7
    • Log in to see images!Max Tears +175
  • Offense +7
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +200
  • Offense +4
  • Defense +4
    • Log in to see images!Max Tears +225
  • Offense +5
  • Defense +5
    		• Log in to see images!Max Tears +250
  • Offense +6
  • Defense +6
    • Icon Icon
    Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 150
  • Offense: 4
  • Defense: 12
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 175
  • Offense: 4
  • Defense: 13
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 200
  • Offense: 4
  • Defense: 15
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 250
  • Offense: 5
  • Defense: 17
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 300
  • Offense: 5
  • Defense: 19
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 350
  • Offense: 6
  • Defense: 21
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 400
  • Offense: 6
  • Defense: 25
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 450
  • Offense: 7
  • Defense: 28
    • Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 500
  • Offense: 8
  • Defense: 30
    		• Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery: 600
  • Offense: 10
  • Defense: 35
    • Item Clbum Item Image Item Name Item Stats Base Cost Idea Submitter Image Submitter Completed?
    Video File Log in to see images!.glbum.1915.dvda Max Ego +43
    Max Sexiness +40
    Max Douchebaggery +95
    Offense +5
    Defense +5
    Luck +5
    Frugality +5
    Charisma +4     		Log in to see images!65,345 Splargety Yes!
    Tattoos Log in to see images! My Dead Girlfriend Tattoo Max Tears +235
    Offense +6
    Defense +5     		Log in to see images!546,000 Acid Flux handofg0d Yes!
    Piercings Log in to see images! Stigmata Max Tears +289
    Offense +10
    Defense +8     		Log in to see images!398,000 Cheetara Aristrofl Yes!
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Gaydar Max Sexiness +489
    Offense +15
    Defense +11
    Charisma +22     		Log in to see images!436,000 Gameshrk90 Asian Rapini Yes!
    Lingerie Log in to see images! Black Electrical Tape Max Sexiness +214
    Offense +3
    Defense +4
    Luck +5
    Charisma +6     		Log in to see images!652,000 Vageena Davis Inconnu Yes!
    Piercings Log in to see images! Soul Piercing Max Tears +291
    Offense +11
    Defense +10     		Log in to see images!345,000 Cruzader Inconnu Yes!
    Special Items Log in to see images! Complete set of all 7 Dragon Balls Max Ego +30
    Offense +15
    Defense +21     		Log in to see images!550,000 CrinkzPipe momentumenergy Yes!
    Lingerie Log in to see images! Used School Girl Panties Max Sexiness +207
    Offense +5
    Defense +2
    Luck +6
    Charisma +6     		Log in to see images!578,000 Raepdog ninja_pedophile Yes!
    Piercings Log in to see images! Spinal Tap Max Tears +351
    Offense +10
    Defense +6     		Log in to see images!451,000 GoshSpeedy Duckythemagicfine upstanding member of society Yes!
    Books Log in to see images! Kama Sutra Pop-Up Book Max Ego +14
    Max Sexiness +42
    Luck +4     		Log in to see images!319,000 ThRiLlHo123455 Bashy Yes!
    Books Log in to see images! Autographed First Edition of Mein Kampf Max Ego +15
    Max Douchebaggery +39
    Luck +4     		Log in to see images!319,000 dobnits ninjies Yes!
    Special Items Log in to see images! Master Ball Max Ego +48
    Offense +23
    Defense +33     		Log in to see images!325,000 Peregrine stupid name Yes!
    Fetishes Log in to see images! Entire Second Grade Girls Soccer Team Max Douchebaggery +604
    Offense +11
    Defense +28     		Log in to see images!706,000 Cheetara ninjies Yes!
    Books Log in to see images! Why Are They Putting Daddy in the Ground? Max Douchebaggery +39
    Max Tears +25
    Defense +5
    Charisma +5     		Log in to see images!506,000 PUBICDAWG ninjies Yes!
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Sexy Librarian Glbumes Max Sexiness +447
    Offense +9
    Defense +11
    Charisma +18     		Log in to see images!311,091 DubbleD1g1tz Vageena Davis Yes!
    Tattoos Log in to see images! Crossed Out Name Tattoo Max Tears +208
    Offense +6
    Defense +5     		Log in to see images!394,991 Samildanach Buck_Cheeks_923 Yes!
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Oversized Jackie Onbumis Glbumes Max Sexiness +539
    Offense +13
    Defense +12
    Charisma +21     		Log in to see images!493,260~ plk Vageena Davis Yes!
    Shoes Log in to see images! Mary Janes Max Sexiness +24
    Offense +3
    Defense +1
    		 Log in to see images!7,470 DubbleD1g1tz Vageena Davis Yes!
    Tattoos Log in to see images! Auschwitz Identification Number Max Tears +247
    Offense +6
    Defense +6     		Log in to see images!673,000 Cheetara Re-Retard Yes!
    Special Items Log in to see images! Death Clock Max Tears +290
    Offense +8
    Defense +7     		Log in to see images!260,000 Wyrd SplodgeMonkey Yes!
    Piercings Log in to see images! Botched Do-It-Yourself Piercing Max Tears +276
    Offense +8
    Defense +7     		Log in to see images!260,000 SplodgeMonkey IceDragon Yes!
    Special Items Log in to see images! Inactivated Conficker Virus Max Processing Power +52
    Offense +8
    Defense +8
    Luck +5     		Log in to see images!176,500 Alexia von Drachen STRONGVICIOUS88 Yes!
    Hardware Log in to see images! Hamster-Powered Motherboard Max Processing Power +50
    Offense +8
    Defense +8
    Luck +5     		Log in to see images!176,500 Snap017 Potilas Yes!
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Medical Eyepatch Max Sexiness +518
    Offense +17
    Defense +12
    Charisma +22     		Log in to see images!470,000 ninjies Newton Yes!
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    Tattoos Log in to see images! Ron Paul 2008 Tattoo Max Tears +439
    Offense +6
    Defense +6     		Log in to see images!11,397,000 HuGGleS4EVerYoNE Game Over 03/07/2010
    Computers Log in to see images! IllegalAlien Ware Max Ego +131 Log in to see images!1,250,000 Shishu Game Over 03/09/2010
    Accessories Log in to see images! Divorce Papers Max Tears +566
    Defense +8
    Luck +2     		Log in to see images!10,999,500 OrsonScottCard Dayviid 03/11/2010
    Shoes Log in to see images! Knee-High Leather Boots Max Sexiness +131
    Offense +9
    Defense +9
    Luck +9     		Log in to see images!11,965,000 Hortun The End 03/13/2010
    Hardware Log in to see images! Direct Portal To The Internet Max Processing Power +77
    Offense +13     		Log in to see images!7,336,500 Furry Porn Furry Porn 03/15/2010
    Lingerie Log in to see images! Chastity Belt Max Sexiness +576
    Defense +15     		Log in to see images!22,686,000 Kittysan OrsonScottCard 03/17/2010
    Fetishes Log in to see images! Original “Lord of the Flies” Film From 1963 Max Douchebaggery +1018
    Defense +60     		Log in to see images!12,838,500 Kittysan The End 03/19/2010
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Cyclops’ Visor Max Sexiness +529
    Max Douchebaggery +353
    Offense +9
    Charisma +9     		Log in to see images!10,429,500 Kim Tae Yeon OrsonScottCard 03/21/2010
    Special Items Log in to see images! Batman’s Utility Belt Max Ego +95
    Offense +8
    Defense +8
    Luck +6
    Charisma +19     		Log in to see images!59,770,500 SpunkyJunk JayZJay 03/23/2010
    Piercings Log in to see images! Crucifix Nails Max Tears +605
    Offense +19
    Defense +8
    Charisma +1     		Log in to see images!7,342,000 male reproductive organmale reproductive organmale reproductive organmale reproductive organ JayZJay 03/25/2010
    Books Log in to see images! “SHOW IT TO ME — How to CamWhore” By Britney14 Max Sexiness +78
    Max Processing Power +87
    Offense +8
    Luck +2
    Charisma +10     		Log in to see images!15,169,500 Hot Pho JayZJay 03/27/2010
    Lingerie Log in to see images! Edible Lingerie Max Sexiness +291
    Defense +8     		Log in to see images!11,843,000 Kittysan Game Over 03/29/2010
    Accessories Log in to see images! Completely Realistic Fake Suicide Scars Max Tears +527
    Defense +8
    Luck +1     		Log in to see images!7,950,750 Hot Pho Hot Pho 03/31/2010
    Special Items Log in to see images! The Amazing Stallion™ Max Sexiness +77
    Offense +6
    Defense +5
    Luck +5     		Log in to see images!5,986,235 predictable ricket King Jazza 04/02/2010
    Special Items Log in to see images! Hack Pack Max Processing Power +53
    Offense +13
    Defense +6
    Luck +4     		Log in to see images!3,762,375 pr0n5t4r pr0n5t4r 04/04/2010
    Fetishes Log in to see images! A Girl’s Phone Number Max Douchebaggery +796
    Offense +6
    Defense +41     		Log in to see images!6,772,250 The Spanker Gearb0x 04/06/2010
    Hardware Log in to see images! Desktop Tesla Coil Max Processing Power +49
    Offense +13
    Defense +6
    Luck +4     		Log in to see images!3,762,375 OrsonScottCard Joseph of Suburbia 04/08/2010
    Shoes Log in to see images! **** Me Heels Max Sexiness +80
    Offense +6
    Defense +5
    Luck +5     		Log in to see images!5,986,235 BrightSun nothaxlol 04/10/2010
    Computers Log in to see images! talking computer Max Ego +93
    		 Log in to see images!627,125 hiPpieFOOT22 rawlt 04/12/2010
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Anime Eyes Glbumes Max Sexiness +521
    Max Douchebaggery +178
    Offense +13
    Defense +6
    Charisma +16     		Log in to see images!5,449,750 Kittysan iostiogic 04/14/2010
    Piercings Log in to see images! Expressive Anal Piercing Max Tears +301
    Offense +10
    Defense +4
    Charisma +1     		Log in to see images!3,909,750 Sarcasm Inc Gearb0x 04/16/2010
    Tattoos Log in to see images! Prison Tear Max Tears +344
    Offense +6
    Defense +6     		Log in to see images!6,066,000 Unusual Pie Mottleyparasite 04/18/2010
    Special Items Log in to see images! Your Mom Max Ego +47
    Max Sexiness +39
    Offense +7
    Defense +7
    Luck +6
    Charisma +10     		Log in to see images!32,878,368 JayZJay Gearb0x 04/20/2010
    Hardware Log in to see images! Glow-in-the-Dark Keyboard Max Processing Power +35
    Offense +13
    Defense +9
    Luck +6     		Log in to see images!1,975,313 BrightSun Mottleyparasite 04/22/2010
    Special Items Log in to see images! Pedobear Costume Max Douchebaggery +710
    Offense +9
    Defense +34     		Log in to see images!3,739,125 OrsonScottCard The End 04/24/2010
    Computers Log in to see images! male reproductive organshot Elite System Max Ego +74
    		 Log in to see images!315,687 dark-chaos xxEmoxKidxx 04/26/2010
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Monocle Max Douchebaggery +424
    Offense +7
    Defense +6
    Charisma +13     		Log in to see images!17,683,500 Unusual Pie xxEmoxKidxx 04/28/2010
    Lingerie Log in to see images! Easy-Off Brbumiere Max Sexiness +141
    Defense +4     		Log in to see images!6,421,500 The Spanker Unusual Pie 04/30/2010
    Books Log in to see images! Primo™ Official BattleThreadz Strategy Guide Max Sexiness +39
    Max Douchebaggery +20
    Max Tears +13
    Max Processing Power +41
    Offense +4
    Defense +3
    Luck +1
    Charisma +8     		Log in to see images!7,837,750 Kittysan Ricket 05/02/2010
    Shoes Log in to see images! Pure Diamond High Heels Max Sexiness +53
    Offense +5
    Defense +3
    Luck +3     		Log in to see images!2,996,853 petkeeper18 Myndraine 05/04/2010
    Accessories Log in to see images! Your Childhood Diary Max Tears +596
    Defense +8
    Luck +3     		Log in to see images!14,048,250 Kittysan The End 05/06/2010
    Piercings Log in to see images! Bullet Hole Max Tears +587
    Offense +10
    Charisma +1     		Log in to see images!12,238,500 GunpowderPlotter Unusual Pie 05/08/2010
    Computers Log in to see images! PAL 9000 Max Ego +114 Log in to see images!938,563 Jelloarm BLACKENSTEIN 05/10/2010
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Himmler’s Spectacles Max Sexiness +253
    Max Douchebaggery +382
    Offense +8
    Defense +3
    Charisma +11     		Log in to see images!14,056,500 BLACKENSTEIN YiffInHell2 05/12/2010
    Fetishes Log in to see images! John Wayne Gacy’s Clown Mask Max Douchebaggery +697
    Offense +9
    Defense +37     		Log in to see images!3,739,125 YiffInHell2 Unusual Pie 05/14/2010
    Tattoos Log in to see images! Suicide note tattoo Max Tears +300
    Offense +6
    Defense +6     		Log in to see images!3,401,625 MitchZer0 Priapism 05/16/2010
    Special Items Log in to see images! Gold Statue of Yourself Max Ego +51
    Offense +4
    Defense +4
    Luck +3
    Charisma +10     		Log in to see images!79,884,750 Kittysan Dielenol 05/18/2010
    Books Log in to see images! Jalapeno Bootyhole’s Memoirs Max Sexiness +20
    Max Douchebaggery +31
    Max Tears +19
    Max Processing Power +23
    Offense +2
    Defense +4
    Luck +1
    Charisma +7     		Log in to see images!4,171,875 Frank Drebin genericusr 05/20/2010
    Shoes Log in to see images! Moon Boots Max Sexiness +109
    Offense +8
    Defense +7
    Luck +7     		Log in to see images!8,975,618 GOLDENSAUSAGE Grave Robber 05/22/2010
    Hardware Log in to see images! DVD Incinerator Max Processing Power +62
    Offense +13
    Defense +3
    Luck +2     		Log in to see images!5,549,438 blacknarwhal AliciaDeLuna 05/24/2010
    Accessories Log in to see images! A Crate Full of Tear Gas Grenades Max Tears +433
    Defense +7     		Log in to see images!2,627,500 Kittysan Rage Face 05/26/2010
    Lingerie Log in to see images! Golden Corset Max Sexiness +422
    Defense +12     		Log in to see images!17,264,500 genericusr Jonny Lee Miller 05/28/2010
    Special Items Log in to see images! Cute Little Kitten Max Ego +26
    Max Sexiness +60
    Offense +7
    Defense +6
    Luck +6
    Charisma +5     		Log in to see images!19,432,302 YiffInHell2 ForeverJung 05/30/2010
    Tattoos Log in to see images! Schindler’s List Max Tears +372
    Offense +6
    Defense +6     		Log in to see images!8,731,875 AIDS woman's genitals Jgke 06/01/2010
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Naughty™ Secretary Glbumes Max Sexiness +540
    Max Douchebaggery +88
    Offense +15
    Defense +9
    Charisma +19     		Log in to see images!2,959,875 JayZJay JayZJay 06/03/2010
    Shoes Log in to see images! Eva Braun’s Nazi Jackboots Max Sexiness +41
    Offense +4
    Defense +2
    Luck +2     		Log in to see images!1,502,162 YiffInHell2 Jgke 06/05/2010
    Piercings Log in to see images! Vlad the Impaler’s Stake Max Tears +596
    Offense +15
    Defense +4
    Charisma +1     		Log in to see images!9,790,250 YiffInHell2 YiffInHell2 06/07/2010
    Fetishes Log in to see images! Your Mom’s Sex Tape Max Douchebaggery +944
    Offense +3
    Defense +48     		Log in to see images!9,805,375 JayZJay JayZJay 06/09/2010
    Accessories Log in to see images! Dead Pet Dog’s Collar Max Tears +485
    Defense +8
    Luck +1     		Log in to see images!5,289,125 YiffInHell2 YouAreWin 06/11/2010
    Computers Log in to see images! Internet Hate Machine Max Ego +181
    		 Log in to see images!1,750,000 YiffInHell2 genericusr 06/13/2010
    Glbumes Log in to see images! Do-It-Yourself Contact Lens Kit Max Sexiness +499
    Max Douchebaggery +267
    Offense +11
    Defense +3
    Charisma +13     		Log in to see images!7,939,625 Davin Valkri Unusual Pie 06/16/2010
    Lingerie Log in to see images! Skimpy Breastplate Max Sexiness +67
    Defense +2     		Log in to see images!3,710,750 Ninjastic The End 06/18/2010
    Hardware Log in to see images! Experimental One-Petabyte External Hard Drive Offense +10
    Defense +22     		Log in to see images!12,415,000 Davin Valkri Chuck Diesel 06/20/2010
    Piercings Log in to see images! Arterial Plug Max Tears +151
    Offense +5
    Defense +2
    Charisma +1     		Log in to see images!2,193,625 Fogdiver The End 06/22/2010

    List of Gift Items

    Image Name Description Clbum Approximate flezz value
    Log in to see images! Chinese Takeaway These crispy noodles are six months old, but you’d never know it due to the extremely high amount of MSG; not only is it a great preservative, but it’s also a powerful deliciousizer. ? 1
    Log in to see images! Marble Lost your marbles? Here’s one.

    Also works as a poor man’s anal bead.     		? 1
    Log in to see images! Dishwashing Brush Hey, when it comes time to start scrubbing ‘tween yo momma’s fleshy flab-folds, this wiry brush will really get those bedsores, um…somewhat less festering? ? 1
    Log in to see images! Raffle Ticket Each ticket you purchase gives you a chance to win the Christmas raffle. ? 1
    Log in to see images! Toy Eyeball Absolutely ****ing useless. ? 2
    Log in to see images! Ironic Egg Timer There’s something inherently disturbing about a chicken going out of its way to remind you that its unborn fetus is about to become breakfast.

    Will there be a pleasant chime when your baby dies?     		? 2
    Log in to see images! Retro Calendar The flipping mechanism on this calendar is broken, but don’t let that stop you from placing it prominently in your living area.

    Hey…at least it’s right once a month.     		? 3
    Log in to see images! Vinyl Record This novelty record from the early ‘60s is by an obscure singer by the name of “Tubbs Parcheesi” who began a dance craze called “The Sitdown.” The song finally cracked the Billboard 1000 after he choked to death on a peanut bumer ‘n kielbasa sandwich. ? 3
    Log in to see images! Tomato Soup Can The educational system in California has really gone downhill in the last few years…. ? 4
    Log in to see images! Birdhouse Attract soothing songbirds and, occasionally, a homeless man’s smegma. ? 4
    Log in to see images! Rusty Old Kettle This is a magical pixie kettle. If you rub it just right, absolutely nothing will happen, because magic doesn’t exist, you superstitious male reproductive organhead. ? 5
    Log in to see images! Pirate Flag There’s no subtler way to sneak up on an unsuspecting sea vessel than to hoist this menacing skull-and-crossbones on your ship’s jigger-mast. Yaargh. ? 6
    Log in to see images! Approxim-o™ Knife This unpopular cousin of the famous utility knife makes a great toy for children and pets. ? 6
    Log in to see images! Used Asthma Inhaler A homeless person once used this as a crack pipe, so not only will you catch your breath, but you’ll also catch a wicked buzz!

    Note: Do not touch to mouth.     		? 7
    Log in to see images! Remote Control This remote control is held together with scotch tape, elastic bands and sheer desperation. ? 8
    Log in to see images! Rubber Chicken This has a panoply of uses, including: beating cripples over the head; luring children to your house or shanty; and, of course, masturbating. ? 8-9
    Log in to see images! Dried-Out Cheese This wedge of cheese is just big enough to fit into the average American hamburger. Bon appetit, fatso! ? 9
    Log in to see images! “Magic” Mushroom This mushroom is not actually “magic.” It simply contains a small amount of poison that causes you to hallucinate…right before you die.

    Caution: May contain a family of Smurfs.     		? 10
    Box of Internal Mystery * What’s in the box? WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!? WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!?!? ? 10
    Log in to see images! Abandoned Tire Someone’s horrendous accident is now your windfall! Enjoy, you heartless monster! ? 11
    Log in to see images!A full spamming suite that includes email crawling, a fake “remove me” option and a database of 5,000 different ways to spell Viagrow. ? 12
    Log in to see images!Yes, we realize that African-Americans sometimes call each other “dawg,” but that doesn’t count. ? 12
    Log in to see images! Expired Ground Pork Although this may look like maggots, this is actually ground pork.

    The maggots are underneath.     		? 12-13
    Log in to see images! Human Skull This decomposed human head doesn’t do anything for you, but there’s probably some Wiccan out there who would like to stick a candle in its eye sockets, then leave it on their desk as a reminder of how badbum they really are. ? 15
    Log in to see images! Mix Tape of Novelty Songs, Awful Covers and ‘80s TV Theme Songs Pop this antiquated mixtape into your cbumette player when you really need to rock out with your male reproductive organ out. Sixteen hatingly selected tunes that’s sure to bring out anyone’s inner douchebag. Troll 17-18
    Log in to see images! Anvil With this anvil, you have the potential to become the best “Black Smith” since The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

    Yo homes, smell ya later!    		 ? 20-21
    Log in to see images! Fish Head Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads.

    Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, man them ****s is delicious. Aw yee.     		? 25-26
    Log in to see images! IP Privately™* Can’t IP in public? Use this masking program to mask your identity when surfing.

    Now you can launch all the hack attacks you want and download the most inappropriate porn your hard drive can handle, and the feds will be none the wiser!     		Hacker(?) 35
    Log in to see images! Genuine Asimov™ OS IX OS IX is the latest release of the Asimov Operating System™ for Asimov™ Super Computers. New features in OS IX include:

    Support for Keyboards and Mice:* You may now use the latest in computer inputting technology to communicate with Asimov OS.

    Deleting of files:* Tired of buying new hard drives every time your old one filled up with junk? Throw those worries away with our new and novel file deleting commands!

    Digital Rights Management:* Sleep well at night knowing that the copy of the software you purchased is actually owned by you, and that the profits of the Asimov Corporation™ are safe!

    Very rarely causes your computer to burst into flames*     		? 42-43
    Log in to see images! Children’s Playhouse Kit This fun playhouse has been pre-bumembled for your convenience. Just add chains, padlocks and a hornet’s nest! ? 50-53
    Log in to see images! Empty Gas Pump For fun, turn this into a homemade colonic irrigation system. Just fill it with lukewarm coffee and you can become the next Tubgirl! ? 75-79
    Log in to see images! McBuggy Anti-Anti Virus™ Is anti-virus software getting in your way constantly? Do you hate feeling protected and safe? If so, McBuggy Anti-Anti Virus™ is the software for you!

    Simply install this software, and like magic your anti-virus software will go away. Say goodbye to a life free of infection!

    Say hello to McBuggy.     		? 151-159
    Log in to see images! Bicycle They say that bicycles are the most efficient form of transportation. We say, ever try to **** a chick on the backseat of a bicycle? That’s what we thought, fabulous persongitron. ? 252-265
    Log in to see images! Buy This Book: The Complete Guide to Buying this Book Alternate title: “How to Con Someone Out of a Thousand Dollars.” ? 505-530
    Log in to see images! Motherboard Your motherboard? I’d **** her. ? 757-795
    Log in to see images! Deed to Indian Burial Ground This is an old deed for a parcel of land currently inhabited by the ghosts of 1,000 dead Crow Indians. Perfect for setting up your mini-golf course or dream (nightmare?) home. ? 1515-1590
    Log in to see images! Electric Transportation Device This marvel of human engineering uses six gyroscopic sensors to make you look like the biggest douchebag on the police force stuck on the “convention center beat.” Easily chase down crooks (as long as they stay away from stairs). ? 2317-2385
    Log in to see images! Sexual Relations With That Woman It’s the closest thing you’ll ever come to ****ing Bill Clinton…even if your name happens to be Hillary Clinton! She’ll let you stick a cigar in her twat, and will even perform analingus on you while calling you “Mither Prethiden.” ? 2822
    Log in to see images! Constitution of India We know this sounds racist, but this literally does include the right to smell a helluva lot like curry at all times. Don’t believe us? Check out its Wikipedia history: revision as of 12:52, 14 October 2007. ? 2954-3012
    Log in to see images! Jew’s Harp This ancient mouth instrument produces a highly unusual twanging sound, and has no actual relationship with the Jewish people other than the fact it is highly overpriced and will only marry other Jew’s Harps. See JHarpDate.com. ? 3030-3180
    Log in to see images! Pipe Organ It’s the only musical instrument whose name consists of two euphemisms for the male reproductive organ, and that alone makes it valuable. Also useful for seducing nuns and choirboys. ? 3975
    Log in to see images! Pocket Watch Why wear a watch on your wrist like a normal person, when you could be pompous and carry it around on a chain in your vest pocket? As for its handy chain, if you ever get it stuck up your bum—and let’s face it, who hasn’t—you can just yank it back out like a rusty, ****-covered tampon. Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’. ? 4294
    Log in to see images! Justin Timberlake's Mobile Phone Even though he sings like a homo, this guy actually gets more celebrity tail than Ol’ Blue Eyes did, back before he needed ol’ blue pills. Hell, he even ****ed Britney Spears back when she was hot and was smart enough to run out before she went all fat, bald and floppy-snatch’d.

    You can call up pretty much any young starlet and when they see the caller ID, they’ll be flying out to **** you before you can say “great times Me a River.”     		? 4500-4664
    Log in to see images! Mary Magdalene This is a nude depiction of Mary Magdalene, the only woman fortunate enough to have had anointed Jesus’ flesh-flute with that sweet little mouth of hers. She claimed his semen tasted “pretty normal,” but then again she was a huge whore, wasn’t she? Historians are uncertain as to whether she also juggled his Easter eggs while she penetrated his holy ****hole with her leprous pinkie. I'd so hit that. ? 5050-5300
    Log in to see images! Middle School Art Project This misshapen abomination from the bowels of art clbum is proof that not all children are special. ? ~6,000
    Log in to see images! Seasonal Centerpiece This is a slightly used centerpiece celebrating the autumn harvest. It reminds you of all the artsy crap your Aunt Charlotte used to make after she found out your Uncle male reproductive organ was leaving her for the poolboy. She had so much love to give… ? ~7,000
    Log in to see images! Pearl Necklace Necklace Made from globules of human semen, this is meant to increase a Camwhore’s Sexiness when equipped. Unfortunately, its powers dried up in after about three minutes. It’s a pheromone thing. ? ~14,000
    Log in to see images! ****in' Pimp Hat Regardless of how awesome this hat is, no, you will NEVER be a pimp, and yes, you’re still ugly.
    Sweet hat, though.     		? 21,937
    Log in to see images! Tome of Blasphemous Horrors This book is said to contain secrets that man should never know — tales of eldritch terrors beyond comprehension and non-Euclidean geometry. Merely touching it is supposed to drive a man insane.

    Kind of unimpressive compared to goatse, though.     		? ~22,000
    Log in to see images! Mixed CD from an Ex A mixed CD made by someone’s ex. This is only good for microwave light shows; all exes have terrible taste in music. That’s part of the reason they’re exes. ? ~24,500
    Log in to see images! Superi-Os™ Every box of Boast™ brand Superi-Os™ is composed of 90% vanilla pieces and only 10% “chocolate,” ensuring that those ugly, disgusting brown pieces are segregated to their proper place in your bowl. Boast™: economic food products for the white supremacist power structure. ? ~25,000
    Log in to see images! Yellowed Pirate Shirt This yellowed shirt has some of the fanciest sleeves you’ve ever set your one good eye on. Perfect if you ever want to masquerade as a gay pirate! (And you do. You really do.) ? ~26,000
    Log in to see images! Used Credit Cards While these cards are almost certainly canceled or overdrawn, you can still use them to pick locks, just like in the movies — if you ever did anything as exciting as lock-picking, that is. If you’re lucky, they may still have trace amounts of cocaine! ? ~27,000
    Log in to see images! Wolf Shirt It’s a shirt with a wolf on it. Your diabetic, 1/16th Navajo neighbor wears one each day of the week. Still ****ing epic, though. I mean, look at it. ? ~28,000
    Log in to see images! Roll of Toilet Paper Whether it’s used for wiping your bum, clogging up a drain or TPing someone’s house, toilet paper is just plain awesome. And when you’re done using the paper you can pretend you have a cardboard spyglbum!

    This particular roll consists of the nice soft kind of ****paper — not the gray, recycled, scrape-your-bum-lining stuff.     		? ~30,000
    Log in to see images! The Pleasure Bag™ When ****ing with the lights off is out of the question, reach for your trusty Pleasure Bag™!

    Can also be used to crudely conceal the identity of local rapists, i.e., you.     		? ~30,000
    Log in to see images! Satanic Fish Here is wisdom. Let he that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is six hundred threescore and six.
    — Rev 13:18     		? ~30,100
    Log in to see images! Suntan Lotion It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the sunburn again! ? 31,556
    Log in to see images! Buddha Statue Buddha proves that you don’t have to be all skinny and tortured in order to be worshiped. You can be fat and happy, and still have plenty of followers!
    This bronze Buddha statue is sure to bring serenity to any home, and it’s the perfect way of showing just how open-minded and enlightened you are…unless it’s one of those Buddha statues with a swastika on it.     		? 31,776
    Log in to see images! Dismantled Video Game These are the sad remains of what can only be a failed attempt to hack a clbumic video game for a top score. ? 34,576
    Log in to see images! Lump of Used Copper Wire Copper wire is a staple of DIY projects, such gauss guns or home abortion kits. ? ~35,000
    Log in to see images! Laundry Cat This cat has been specially trained to fold your laundry. Too bad all it really does is sleep throughout the whole day and shed all over your clean clothes. But this is probably the only woman's genitals you’ll ever get, so you might as well take it. ? ~38,000
    Log in to see images! Autographed Jimmy Carter Photo It’s signed “For all the [something] at [something] [something] — Jimmy.” You’re not sure which is sadder: that such a great man has such lousy handwriting, or that if you post this on the internet, someone will bumuredly masturbate to it. ? ~39,000
    Log in to see images! Wooden Figurine Man, I’d sacrifice a few ribs to be able to do that too. ? ~40,000
    Log in to see images! Brolex Watch Feel like ballin’, but ain’t got ‘nuff ice on yo’ wrist? Have no fear, playa. The Brolex is so icy cold, foolz gotta wear a coat!
    Yo’ homiez will be puttin’ on them SHADES when they see how shiny this bling be.
    DISCLAIMA: The Brolex may cause envy among er’y nug on tha block, so best carry a piece. Fool.     		? ~40,000
    Log in to see images! Stack Of Burnt DVD's “Yarr, mp3s off the port bow! Stand by ta board yeoldepiratebay.org fer sum lootin’ an’ plunderin’!”

    More stolen data than you can shake a hard drive at, this’ll keep you entertained for YEARS. Now, which disc has the granny porn, asks I?     		? ~23,000
    Log in to see images! Actual Garbage This wastebasket is full of the vile refuse of a typical internet nerd. In other words, semen.
    Perfect for collecting cloning, identity theft, or just harvesting biombum for all your biological warfare needs.     		? ~20,000
    Log in to see images! AOL CD Mosaic This second-place award-winning mosaic of one giant AOL CD, comprised of 30,000 individual AOL CDs, will take your breath away.
    This-one-of-a-kind item is priceless. Literally. The CDs were free.     		? ~22,000
    Log in to see images! Disgusting Clump of Hair Wet, smelly, and stuck together with mold. At least, you think it’s mold…oh dear god. ? ~45,000
    Log in to see images! Grandma’s Cat Purse She sent it to you for Christmas, and didn’t even leave a forgotten penny floating around in there. She did pre-coat it with cat fur, though. Just hold on to it until next Christmas and re-gift it back to her. There’s no way she’ll remember. ? ~45,000
    Log in to see images! Great-Grandpa's Phone You remember the days before cell phones, when landlines and AT&T ruled the universe? No? Well, that’s okay, my great-grandpa doesn’t remember either. That’s how I got this phone. My gift to you. ? ~26,000
    Log in to see images! His and Her Masks Robbing banks (with the help of a loved one) nets a lot more Flezz than pawning off weird-lookin’ plastic masks at the Ppwn Shoppe. Just sayin’. ? ~47,000
    Log in to see images! Sand Castle bumembly Kit This seems to be a kit comprising everything you need to build a sand castle: a rough sketch of what it should look like, a tiny plastic shovel, a tiny plastic bucket, and about four hundred pounds of sand. Here’s hoping the box doesn’t leak. ? ~47,000
    Log in to see images! ASCII Porn These discs contain a collection of the hottest ASCII porn known to nerdkind! Fapping was never better than in the innocent ‘80s. Now all you need is a floppy drive and a green monochrome monitor. ? ~50,000
    Log in to see images! 90's Senior Picture Although not quite as clbumy as Glamor Shotz™, these ‘90s senior pictures are radical!

    Get yours holding an electric guitar with a stylish mullet, in your favorite pair of Zubaz pants! Not your style? Then how about putting up a peace sign while wearing your I Zack Morris T-shirt and leggings?

    Say “cheesy”!     		? 55,788
    Log in to see images! male reproductive organ Mug Do you like drinking hot coffee? How about sucking male reproductive organ? Now you can enjoy both at the same time with this male reproductive organ-shaped mug! Sucking male reproductive organ has never been more stimulating! (Okay, it was more stimulating once, but that’s it.) ? ~58,000
    Log in to see images! -Courtney Love's Used Underwear A pair of undergarments that once belonged to “America’s Sweetheart,” Courtney Love.
    You won these panties in an online auction because they’ve touched “Celebrity Skin” (and Hole), but “All the Drugs” are probably why these things are so “Awful” and “Uncool.”
    Concerning this underwear, your best bet is to “Use Once and Destroy,” as they technically count as a medical biohazard.     		? ~59,000
    Log in to see images! Ten Miles of Orange Yarn Great Halloween decoration! Loads of fun for unsupervised babies and toddlers! ? ~30,000
    Log in to see images! Molestache Comb No one likes hair where it shouldn’t be; especially you, Mr. Molestache wearer! Keep your facial hair under control with this new molestache comb.
    Roam neighborhood parks without fear of your ‘stache looking all unkempt. Those pesky parents won’t suspect a thing with your well-groomed molestache!     		? ~60,000
    Log in to see images! Cosplaying Gloves Left behind at DragonCon ‘07, these gloves carry with them a legacy of whispered legends and flights of fancy. Some say that actual Mark Hamill himself wore these the day before he went on the set of Star Wars for the first time, while others say that they were created late one night by Darren Aronofsky.

    Realistically? Some 300-pound guy made these for the Ye Olde Renaissance Faire and came inside them. Five times.     		? ~32,000
    Log in to see images! Toenail Clippings In WWII, kamikaze pilots would sometimes put a collection of toenail clippings in a box to be buried in the likely event that they didn’t return. These aren’t from a Japanese pilot; they’re just the disgusting toenail clippings from some random filthy miscreant. But it makes for an interesting story, doesn’t it? ? ~32,500
    Log in to see images! Discount Furry Mask Want to yiff in hell, but don’t want to sell your soul to the Devil in exchange for a decent fursuit? This discount mask will get you on the road to anonymous sex with sweaty men in funny animal costumes faster than you can say “paw off.” ? ~62,500
    Log in to see images! Leaked Children's Novel This is a leaked advance copy of the latest book in the popular “Wizard Boy” series. The writing might be overrated, but the sweet tears of children and immature, sexless adults when you spoil the book for them sure won’t be! ? ~62,720
    Log in to see images! Gilded Walnut This gilded walnut is a relic of last year’s (rather gaudy) Christmas decorations.
    You feel an inexplicable urge to talk to the walnut. “S’up, nut?”     		? ~63,000
    Log in to see images! Branding Iron Oh, burn! Few items out there that can produce this much pain while making you look so damn trendy! Public humiliation is so hot right now. ? ~64,000
    Log in to see images! Important-Looking NASA Components This stuff turned up in the NASA trash bin a few days after the Challenger took off and subsequently exploded.
    Probably just a coincidence.     		? ~64,000
    Log in to see images! #1 Dad Mug This mug clearly indicates that the owner is, in fact, the “number one” Dad.
    While its shape is perfect for holding liquids of all kinds, the primary function is to notify nearby fathers that they are in the presence of fathering greatness.     		? ~65,000
    Log in to see images! Deluxe Makeup Kit This makeup kit is pretty complete. It has everything you need in order to smear yourself with pigments as you stare mournfully into the mirror, thinking about how daddy never thought you were pretty enough. But you’ll show him, won’t you. Won’t you… ? ~34,000
    Log in to see images! Child's Drawing Swiped from a children’s sick ward, it’d be wise to hold onto this one for a while. Everyone knows the value of art SKYROCKETS after the artist croaks. ? ~69,000
    Log in to see images! Weeping Blue Orchid A beautiful little flower, characterized by botanists as the saddest flower on earth.
    Typically found in dying woodlands after being carried away from its mother plant by the unfeeling winds, it blooms only in the wintertime, growing cold and alone on the sides of hollow tree trunks, naked to the harsh elements that surround it.
    Go ahead and pick it out of its misery. Maybe even give it to your sweetie-pie for the prom. Because your lover’s chest will be the only ‘tang it’ll be getting in its sorry lifetime.     		? ~37,000
    Log in to see images! The Color Orange This is the actual color orange, not the fruit. So don’t confuse the two of them. Orange. It’s not as nice a color as red or purple, but there are worse colors out there. Orange is noticeable and…um…did I mention noticeable yet? ? ~36,000
    Log in to see images! The Italian A false mustache, made of only the finest pubic hair.
    Rumored to have been invented by Gianni Versace whilst blowing heterosexual fashion designer Calvin Klein, “The Italian” became an overnight success shortly after his death.
    Enjoying most of its popularity in Italy, this fashion accessory has been masterfully crafted from the pubes of the most beautiful models and porn stars. Comes in many shades of black, red, and blond; ask a store employee for help on matching it with “the carpet.”     		? ~38,000
    Log in to see images! Improvised Fleshlight I know what you’re thinking, but take it easy on the guy who made this. Remember when you were 15 and nobody would buy porn for you? Remember when you were 16 and you started shoving anything you could find up your bum? Remember that time you put a melon in your microwave and tried to **** it? That was only last week, so probably.
    That being said, this thing is pretty pathetic. Putting your male reproductive organ into this is about as safe as putting into in a running blender. But I guess if it happens to be a Friday, and you just happen to not have a date…     		? ~39,000
    Log in to see images! Moist Sock This sock is moist. Have fun with it. I sure did. ? 39,031
    Log in to see images! Easter Eggs OMG EASTER EGGS! ? ~39,000
    Log in to see images! Venus de Milo Considering that this famous statue represents the goddess of love and beauty, she’s actually not as hot as you’d expect! Her mammary glands are small, her hair is too short, she’s got a face that says PMS, her arms are missing and her legs seem kinda fat underneath that sheet she wears.

    Perhaps the French adore her because she has no armpit hair. One thing is for sure: they’re pretty ****ed off that their “beautiful” statue is no longer in the Louvre.     		? ~39,000
    Log in to see images! Falcon Preservation Donor Receipt This receipt proves that someone was willing to blow a whole wad of cash over some falcons. Special Items About 53,000

    Special Equipment

    Log in to see images!Max Ego +20
    Log in to see images!Sticky Ball of Garbage
    • Max Ego +100
    Log in to see images!Wireless Headset
    • Max Ego +69
    • Defense +35
    • Offense +35
    Log in to see images!Complete set of all 7 Dragon Balls
    • Max Ego +31
    • Offense +15
    • Defense +21
    Log in to see images!Master Ball
    • Max Ego +48
    • Offense +23
    • Defense +33
    Log in to see images!Death Clock
    • Max Tears +290
    • Offense +8
    • Defense +7
    Log in to see images!Inactivated Conficker Virus
    • Max Processing Power +52
    • Offense +8
    • Defense +8
    • Luck +5
    Log in to see images!Stripper Pole
    • Max Sexiness +270
    • Offense +9
    • Defense +9
    • Charisma +13
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