Get ready. I’m about to break the heart of several million zillion preteens.

-Edward is a total complete sexist loser who doesn’t seem to fathom that in the REAL WORLD, high school girls are illegal for him.

-Where are the character’s personalities? Stereotypes would fit here, but it’s just…

1-Someone who’s a perfect perfect gentleman with no flaws-Edward

2-A blank, idiotic new girl who’s clumsy and has no sense, and for some reason more than two guys want to have meaningful relationships with her for no good reason.

3-So, if I act like a klutzy dork, then guys will fawn over me? Psh, if that’s how it works, then I’m going to learn how to reproduce by spores.

4- It’s not deep. He likes her because she smells good, she likes him because he’s hot.

5-It’s not a vampire and a werewolf. It’s a pixie and a shapeshifter.

6-Vampires regard humans as food. A vampire(even a pixie one) falling in love with a human would be like a man falling in love with his calf. We all went through the Furry Farm mission, didn’t we?

7-So, why are people after her? Because she smells good? Well, I smell like sweet pea right now and no pixies are attacking me, are they?

8-Every preteen and their mother want to marry this guy.

The only halfway decent thing about this movie is the background music. I’ll give it that. I could go on, but I think I’m going to get enough hatemail from little girls.

Try Dracula. Try Van Helsing. Castlevania even. Hellsing!

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