Based upon “The Night Before Christmas”:

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‘Twas teh night before pwnage, when all through the webs

Not an emo was whining, not a camwhore with crabs;

The spider was running by here and there,

In hopes that new moar.files will bring me welfare;

—

The mods were all resting in their mom’s flats,

While I was uploading FBO to their threads;

And all ****ing users and their ****ing friends,

Could all settle down for a long downtime naps,

—

When out on the webs there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed, laughed at their worried chatter.

Away to the door then I flew like a flash,

To pick up some **** that I could sell or stash.

—

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The sound of loud and familiar “woof!”

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney Bruce Bear then came with a bound.

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He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old fabulous person,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and his pierced male reproductive organhead,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

—

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Of what then did happen I’d rather not talk,

But later that night he sneak back on his toes,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.