Dear Elana,

I would be glad to finance your trip to my country, where I will be very glad to meet you and your daughter Angelina. I understand this is not what you asked, but I feel that it will do you more good than simply sending you a stove.

It will be good for me to see another human, as God commanded me to stay indoors after my earlier ‘indiscretions’. I have atoned for them now, and I believe that God influenced you to send this e-mail to me. How am I to send you money, so that we may meet?

Love, Jeffrey.

P.S. I hope you don’t mind male reproductive organroaches. I have found that being confined to one’s house leaves very little in the way of food… Especially when I can’t meet new people.