Jesus guys. I’ve already done half of the story, and you want more? Have you ever considered what this is doing to me? What unimaginable horrors I have to go through to bring you a few minutes of entertainment? This is getting ridiculous. I mean, seriously. There are people setting up camp outside my house. Some of them even have pickets. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve done more than enough, but you guys just won’t let it lie.

Okay. Fine. I’ll do more. Right now. Would that make you happy? Good.

Sigh. Onto chapter 24.

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fabulous personz 4 di help!

Yes Raven. You will get many fabulous personz for your help. Many fabulous personz indeed.

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Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions.

Here we are introduced to Professor Trelawny, but she is quickly replaced in favour of the much more generic goff, Professor Sinister. Makes you wonder what, if anything, this fic has to do with Harry Potter.

And I sincerely doubt Ebony needs lessons in deviation. She’s already pbumed the exam with flying colours, if you know what I mean.

“Konnichiwa everybody come in.”

I think that we have already established that Ebony can spell choice words of Japanese, but nothing else. If we haven’t, well, there you go.

said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese.

We would never have guessed that pointless and utterly trivial detail unless you had pointed it out to us. Thank you, Ebony. I have no idea what we would do without you guiding hand. (Actually, that’s a lie; we all know we would celebrate profusely.)

She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick.

The ‘nostrilus lipstickus’ spell is currently in the running for the ‘most useless spell of 08’ award.

She’s da coolest ****ing teacher ever.

The coolest ****ting teacher ever is currently Professor Flitwick, after a couple of students devised some hilarious escapades involving a bar of laxative.

She had long dead black hair

Undead L’Oreal. Because your rotting corpse is worth it.

with blood red tips and red eyes.

Could she possibly be… A VAMPIRE? Truly shocking.

(hr mom woz a vampire. She’s also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing.

“I would like to drink your blood, if it is pleasing to you! \(^_^)/”

she n b’loody mry get along grate)

B’loody Mary is Nutmeg, Professor Sinister is parmesan cheese.

She’s really young for a teacher.

Despite her being middle aged in the books, but when has that ever stopped Ebony?

2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress.

NO WAIT- Hang on, it’s over already? Weird.

We went inside the black clbumroom

How do you find your way around Hogwarts at night? With a lot of fumbling and flailing around, I imagine.

with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand.

“HA! You’ll never beat me, hand! Oh wait, the door knob. ****.”

I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.

It takes Ebony two hours to get ready in the morning. Now, this is just a suggestion, but I think the overly elaborate nail polish may have something to do with it.

“What is it Ebony?” she asked. “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d u get it, Hot Topik?”

“No, Claire’s accessories. The stuff in there is just SOOOOOO CUTE!”

“Yeah.” I answered. All the preps who didn’t know what HT was gave me weird looks.

This is a total of one-hundred and fourteen weird looks Ebony has gotten so far. Times that by the number of people who have read this fic, and you are presented with a number approaching infinity.

I gave them the middle finger. “Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?”

“Geddit? Coz I’m a **** LOL.”

“Ho about now?” she asked.

“Never mind the lesson. I mean, it’s not as if you haven’t been studying, or going to your other lessons. I’m sure you’ll do fine in your tests next week!”

“OK.” I said.
“OK clbum ****ing dismissed every1.”

“Woah. Professor Sinister seems… Somewhat testy today.”

Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. “Except for you Britney.” she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. “Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3.”

Disregarding the atrocious pun, this is fairly tame, by homework terms. I don’t know if this homework was set due to disregard to Britney, or why such incompetent teachers are allowed at Hogwarts, or why VAMPIRES are roaming the ****ing CORRIDORS, or… No, nevermind. This is well trodden territory.

“OK I’m having lotz of visions.”

“Teir the second most thig ‘I’m having! First is secit LOL, you PERVERT”.

I said in a worried voice. I’m so worried is Draco gong 2 die.

“That’s all? No ominous prophecies, no portent of disastrous events, or anything? Just your emo boyfriend? Boy, I REALLY see why I dismissed the clbum now. Yeah. This is a totally pressing issue.”
Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

“I see red… and an angry man beating me to death with my own severed leg… Wonder what got him so riled?”

“What do you c?” she asked.
“I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram.”

NO ****ING WAY. Maybe it’s because oh, I don’t know, YOU’RE ****ING GOFFICK? WE. ALREADY. KNOW.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

Blah blah blah, Draco was there, blah blah blah, he was dressed like a gimp, blah blah blah, I’m goffick, don’t you know LOL.

“Okay you can go now, see ya woman's genitals.” said Proffesor Sinister.

Ouch. You know, this kind of reminds me of that time when my last teacher helped me with my homework and then punched me in the stomach. I wonder if the two events are correlated?

“Bye ****.” I said waving.
I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited.

As she is most of the time. Hell, sometimes she just puts on a show in the corridors, when there’s nothing better to do.

Well. Is that better? Now stop sending me pieces of my grandmother in the mail. At this rate, I’ll be able to reconstruct her by next Saturday.
King Krimson edited this message on 10/19/2008 4:12PM