I’m Harry Potter! He yelled, with his wand in his hand, singing of trolling and brooms.

I’m Harry Bloody Potter! He yelled, confining the lesser trolls to their dooms.

I’m Harry Arsebuggering Potter! He screamed, conked out of his mind on cheap drugs and coke.

I’m Harry ****ing Potter! He screeched, imagining Hermoine and Ginny, which to poke?

I’M HARRY POTTER, HARRY POTTER! He moaned, as the wand in his hand reached a climax.

I’M HARRY POTTER THE GREAT! He expelled, wondering when to see The Dark Knight at the Imax.

I’m Harry Potter, he sighed, turning round to check on his pet goat.

I’m Harry Potter, he gasped… But there was already a knife in his throat.