Dear our lord and savior,

My heart would explode from the sheer warmth of your presence near me and if I could, I would give up my soul for you to keep your good looks and even make you immortal. Your all-knowing and raw generosity towards the common-folk is greatly appreciated by myself and the rest of your…well, fans. I wish to one day meet you to possibly shoot hoops or go on your yacht. I could finally die happy having sat on the couch and watched every season of Two and a Half men for days with you.

One of your many loyal followers,

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