Sorry this chapter was so late. I had to recover from the trauma of discovering Ebony was still alive.

So, have any of you seen the new Watchmen trailer? It’s okay, I guess. Better than this, certainly

Chapter 18

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok!

And with that, all hint of drama has been drained from the story.

n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter!

Thanks so much for the… Sewer? I never knew Ebony was a fecalpheliac. Then again, stranger things have happened.

ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!

“Dumbledore swore because… Because he was trying to be gofik! Of course! I’m a genius!”

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I woke up the next day in my coffin.

“After a night of God knows what. What the hell was in that drink Draco gave me anyway?”

I walked out of it

So it’s a walk-in coffin, is it? As opposed to one you lie down in? So that you can sleep?

and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly.

“My career as a goffick ninja was off to a fantastic start!” Considering all her clothes are black, how does she find them in her cupboard? I sure as hell can’t figure it out.

I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

Nothing new here, move along.

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth).

Then DIE already. We get it. You’re goffick, you have no sense of the English language and you hate the land of the living. I’m sure your bestest buddy Beelzebub would be glad to introduce you to the ninth circle of hell.

Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red.

So the broom looked like one of those liquorice twizzlers you find in sweet shops. Good to know.

There was lace all over it.

I doubt this over-engreat timesbered broom could even be lifted, let alone flown.

Draco had a black MCR boom.

Who, last I checked, were still muggles.

We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)

So it was aggressive, painful and unsatisfying. Ebony and Draco truly are the couple of the century.

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall.

Other locations of interest at Hogwarts include the Corridor of Whisks and the Antechamber of Spatulas.

There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant.

Was the ground bloody and messy? Were the pants dead?

And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

“WTF!”

Try yelling this in public and not getting strange looks from pbumers by. You’ll find that it’s impossible.

I shouted going to sit next to B’loody Mary and Willow. B’loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets.

Who wants Ice-Cream! Oh sorry, it appears to have melted. It was fine before I started reading that paragraph.

Vampire, Dracula and Draco came.

I’m ignoring you. Go away. I’m not going to make a joke.

We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

Is there one straight student in Hogwarts? One? Evidently not, because heterosexuality isn’t goffick enough.

“Those guys are so ****ing hot.” Navel was saying

Like a guy named bellybumon knows anything.

as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came.

All over the floor? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

He was the same one who had chbumed away Vlodemort yesterday.

Hello Dumbledore. What? Ebony has raped your character? I don’t believe it.

He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.

“……………….DUMBLEDORE?1!” we all gasped.

“Ebony? Harry? Ron? Who are you people?”

“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!”

Brilliant as always, Ebony. Dumbledore riding upside down on his broom while yelling obscenities is a truly imposing figure.

“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”

It’s kind of cool, actually. I especially like the ‘Ebony Must Die’ banner hanging just over the stage.

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.

Be nice, guys. He’s just a deluded old man trying to fit in. Besides, he saved your life yesterday. Talk about gratitude.

“BTW you can call me Albert.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT

WHAT’S WRONG WITH USING LOWER CASE LETTERS?

to our clbumes.

“What a ****ing poser!” Draco shouted angrily

You’re one to talk, Mr. I-break-down-and-cry-for-attention.

as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard)

I’m sure Mr. Way has never emitted blood from his eyes. Then again, he’s never seen this fanfic.

but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Willow shouted.

Inside voices please, people. We don’t want people listening in on your inane conversation, do we?

I was so ****ing angry.

With who? The man who saved your life last chapter? Your emotions, Ebony, are much like your writing style. Unfathomable. And with that, I bid you farewell, at least until the next chapter. Have a good one, everybody! Except for you. You know who you are.