We’re doing drabble now, are we? Well, I feel it’s time to drag out my own author insertion character. I present to you, for the first time, the tragic back story of Captain Amazing.

The Adventure Of The Giraffe

Captain Amazing and Kat were out for a cool Valentine’s walk on a giant mountain of love. As they went, Kat rested her hand on Captain Amazing’s male reproductive organ. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so diabolical, Captain Amazing was filled with horrible dread.

“Do you suppose it’s blasphemous here?” he asked testily.

“You glorious silly,” Kat said, tickling Captain Amazing with her shoe. “It’s completely terrible.”

Just then, a gibbous giraffe leapt out from behind a cake and punched Kat in the arse. “Aaargh!” Kat screamed.

Things looked iridescent. But Captain Amazing, although he was regal, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a parcel and, like a sodomised fish that had **** cakes for breakfast, beat the giraffe seductively until it ran off. “That will teach you to punch innocent people.”

Then he clasped Kat close. Kat was bleeding gaily. “My darling,” Captain Amazing said, and pressed his lips to Kat’s pancreas.

“I love you,” Kat said stupidly, and expired in Captain Amazing’s arms.

Captain Amazing never loved again.

—-

Captain Amazing/Kat/Santa Claus

I Saw Kat Kissing Santa Claus

Captain Amazing woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn’t wait to see his presents. There was one cool box that looked like a cake.

Then Captain Amazing noticed that Kat was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.

Captain Amazing thought that he would surprise Kat. Maybe even sneak up behind her and punch her on her regal male reproductive organ. That always made Kat diabolical.

Captain Amazing crept erotically down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its terrible lights, and the presents, heaped up gayly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Kat. Kissing someone.

Captain Amazing was so angry, he picked up a shoe from a table and threw it seductively on a giant mountain of love.

They both looked around.

“Kat, you blasphemous giraffe!” Captain Amazing yelled. “How could you cheat on me with…with…” Captain Amazing looked and then rubbed his arse and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

“Let me explain,” Kat said. “I came down for a glbum of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe.”

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” Santa said. “So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a gibbous kiss it was.”

“Well, I suppose,” Captain Amazing said stupidly. “If he was under the mistletoe.”

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” Santa said. “Why don’t you give me a kiss too? Then things will be glorious.”

That seemed reasonable. Captain Amazing went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like a sodomised fish that had **** cakes for breakfast. He made Captain Amazing’s pancreas feel all iridescent.

“You see?” Kat said testily and Captain Amazing saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody’s presents were late.

—-

Dog247 Posted:

King Krimson and XXXbloodyrists666XXX

by William Shakespeare

Star crossed lovers? Are you insinuating something?

...I admit nothing.