So. I read the Necronomicon cover to cover. Even with its awful knowledge coursing through my mind, I still know that not even the most blasphemous corners of Rh’lyeh can compare to what I am about to show you. Prepare thyself, for chapter 8 is nigh.

Chapter 8

AN: stop flbuming ok! if u do den u r a prep!

Stop flashing? That’s what the police told me, but if I didn’t listen to them, I ain’t going to listen to you.

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Everyone in the clbum stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

Why do you bother, Draco? We both know she’s not worth it. My only explanation is the imperious curse, but we all know that Ebony is too low clbum a witch to use that curse. Could some mysterious presence be tailing Ebony? And giving her her heart’s desires? I wonder.

“Ebony, it’s not what you think!” Draco screamed sadly.

“I only let him wank me off once! It meant nothing!”

My friend B’loody Mary Smith

Who’s willing to bet this is Hermione? If J.K Rowling was dead, she’d be spinning in her grave.

smiled at me understatedly.

I’m bumuming that she means ‘understandingly’, but I have been wrong before. Either Hermione is emotionally stunted, or she’s a mbumive ****. Judging by the authors characters so far, I’m guessing it’s the latter.

She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on.

How is it possible to notice contact lens? It seems our hero is gifted with acute powers of observation. I sense a goffik Sherlock Holmes fanfiction opportunity. “Shirlyock Homes locked into my eyez, and I saw he was weaing red contackt lenes. ‘Evony’ he said, ‘I may hav bugered Watson, but I stil luv you.’” The mind shudders.

She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.

This is a recurring theme in ‘My Immortal’. That, and the painful deflowering of everybody who has read even the first chapter.

Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.

This just makes it sound so uninteresting. “Voldemort killed my wife, who was also a vampire. Like me. Oh well. Guess I’ll just kill myself now. Hermione, become a goffik witch, or something. It’s not like I care, anyway.”

She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

What I find interesting is that everyone in Slytherin is apparently a Satanist, yet later on in the story, we discover that Snape is a Christian. What? “Today clbum, we will be studying Galatians. Harry Potter! Stop having sex with that dead goat! Draco! There will be no occult rituals in my clbumroom! Come on clbum, reject Satan! Accept Christ! Please? I’ll give you cookies!”

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

Ludacris fools! Mediocre dunces! Motherfukers! Also, I’m surprised to note that Snape hasn’t seemed to notice the naked boy with the huge thingy.

“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Draco!” I shouted at him.

Come on, Ebony, at least remember who you’re going out with. Next she’ll think Dumbledore is her lover, and that would make this story even more repulsive.

Everyone gasped.

Why do they even care? It’s not like Ebony is the messiah, or anything. Yet, anyway.

I don’t know why Ebony was so mad at me.

Wait, have we changed perspective without being notified? Damn it, Ebony, is nothing sacred?

I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Ebony)

I’m bi, you’re bi, we’re all bi for Harry Potter characters.

for a while but then he broke my heart.

I’ve just had a vision of Draco singing ‘Stop’ by Jamelia to a despondent Harry Potter. If you’re anything like me, you should find that hilarious.

He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy ****er.

I’m guessing this is a not-so-subtle reference to Britney Spears. If so, then Draco may actually have a point.

We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic.

“You know that time in the graveyard? Well Voldemort violated him. Repeatedly. Up the bum.”

(Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

I feel like there’s something I’m supposed to say here, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what.

“But I’m not going out with Draco anymore!” said Vampire.

“Yeah ****ing right! **** off, you bastard!”

Ohh. Harsh. Are you sure that he’ll recover from that cutting insult of yours?

I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility

It is at this point that people masturbating to this story stop and say: “Wait what? I thought Ebony was a chick! Oh God, what have I done?’

to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

Just kill yourself already. We’ll both be happier.

And so ends chapter 8. You may have though that you’ve seen abominable horrors, but it’s nothing compared to what I have seen. You see, I’ve read ahead. Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!