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Forumwarz is the first "Massively Single-Player" online RPG completely built around Internet culture.

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Evil Trout

Avatar: 35 2013-08-13 11:47:18 -0400

[Crotch Zombie]

Level 21 Hacker

I have ample evidence that ET is a weedy little twerp.

It’s been 10 days since Forumwarz was last updated without a bug fix. That seems like forever in Internet time. Rest bumured, dear player, that tonight’s update is HUGE. It will be live probably before 11pm unless my server maintenance takes longer than I think.

I’m creating this thread because the update touches so much that I don’t want it to spam up my Site updates thread. Here is a list of everything new/changed:

Cool New Stuff

Threads now quote you when replying

You can now carry over visits on days you don’t play. Up to 2 days worth, or enough to satisfy people who only play at the office and miss the weekend.

Consuming an item results in a post

There’s more variety to the randomness in posts

Added tips for pwning tough forums, with a link when you die to help frustrated noobs.

New character, Haxlrose, with upgrade resetting service. First time is free.

The_****’s now has a sTalk based Roids store.

Added Plum Computers, which didn’t make launch for some reason even though it was fully complete.

Bug Fixes

Doctor O, Krystal now go offline after their AFK messages

If DrrtyCop is hiding your contacts and you get a new one, the new one will be hidden too.

Deliveries can no longer be doubled up through a race condition

You can no longer spam a last attack in after you die, you cheaters.

Item related Changes

Drugs are more expensive across the board

Plum computers break less frequently

Low level anti-depressants are more effective

Expensive Sunglbumes break a lot less

Nutmeg is more effective

Androst is more effective

Overall Balance Changes

DrrtyCop comes later in the game, so that you don’t have two money sink ‘quests’ in a row

Most low/medium forums are weaker

Early levels take a little more cred to advance

Offense is no longer additive, so low level attacks never become many multiples of their attack.

Defense upgrades are now the same price as Offense Upgrades.

Defense is a much more useful stat than it was before, completely new formula.

Camwhore Changes

Coverwhore now recovers 15 sexiness instead of 8

Post Bra show now uses 2 sexiness

Prepubessence now recovers 25 sexiness instead of 20

Vivid Description of Sex now costs 5 sexiness instead of 6

Contact authorities now costs 6 instead of 8, is available at level 7 instead of 8.

Increased gift bonus for Charisma

Pump me up gives more Ego, costs less sexiness, can be cast more often, stacked and the buff gives more offense


Fap lasts 9 turns now

Spoil costs 1 more douchebaggery, slightly more effective

Ascii art is slightly more effective

Annoying Text costs 2 more douchebaggery, slightly more effective

Insult costs 1 more douchebaggery


Self Mutilate has been nerfed to +2 Defense instead of +5, Only recovers 10 ego instad of 20

Low ego attack bonus is less effective (for all such attacks)

Whine about parents takes 2 more tears, is now attack 9 instead of 6

Whine about school takes 1 more tear, now attack 12 instead of 15

Depressing poem is now attack 15 instead of 20

Whine about Girlfriend is now attack 20 instead of 30

I have issues is now attack 25 instead of 40

Many players may wish to reset their upgrade points now that the game balance has been shifted. Early on in the game you will gain access to the Haxlrose character who will change it for free. The first time is free, after that the costs increase.

We can hardly wait until you try out the new balance and let us know what you think! The major things we were trying to address were:

– Too many items were required to beat forums
– Emo Kids were too powerful
– Levelling up wasn’t always a smooth curve
– Camwhore and Troll had some bumps in their progress

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