Excuse me, ma’am. Are you Janie? My partners and I have discovered some disturbing evidence that we would like to discuss with you. We were going through Kerridwen Kali’s trash due to . . . reasons of our own that shall not be discussed at this time and we came across the following item:

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This bottle appears to have been a champagne bottle that was scrubbed thoroughly; however, there is a hairline crack on the bottle that seems to match up with reports of an attack that resulted in the hospitalization of one Biff Tannen. Additionally, there appears to be trace amounts of blood on the bottle itself inside that fracture. We are awaiting the return of blood reports from Biff’s hospital stay.

I would ask you to come down to the station, but I feel that things might work out better for all parties concerned if you just step into the car that we have waiting outside. We’ll have you back as soon as possible. Perhaps all this trouble can be avoided if we just have a simple conversation about some similar goals we might have.