Recently it has come to me, that I should be doing more to help the world!

Therefore, I would like to be the person you can turn to for help.

For example, I know that suicide, (while almost aways the right answer) can sometimes be a scary step.

I would like to offer my services, and help you! I will freely, absolutely without charge, talk you through, when you make the decision to do the right thing, and leave this world in a dramatic gesture.

Also, for those of you who are obsessed with someone who has broken your heart, I can help you too!

For you ladies, I know what it takes to win a man, as I myself (I shamefully admit), am a man, a horrible pig of a man.

As such I am uniquely able to help you win that someone special!

All you need to do is tell me about yourselves, your likes and dislikes, tell me how much money you have (this is very important for me to help you), and send me pictures of your naked bodies (I will be discreet about it I swear!) and I can then tell you what you need to do to get that guy!

For the guys, I can advise you on how to stalk, and eventually force forge an unbreakable, eternal bond between you and your loved one.

All you will need to provide is, either poison, a coil of rope, and or a gun. I will instruct you, on how to make your bond of love permanent and irrevocable. Eternal really.

I will charge nothing for this service, it is my penannce for having been such a bad person in the past.