Recently it has come to me, that I should be doing more to help the world!

Therefore, I would like to be the person you can turn to for help.

For example, I know that suicide, (while almost aways the right answer) can sometimes be a scary step.

I would like to offer my services, and help you! I will freely, absolutely without charge, talk you through, when you make the decision to do the right thing, and leave this world in a dramatic gesture.

Also, for those of you who are obsessed with someone who has broken your heart, I can help you too!

For you ladies, I know what it takes to win a man, as I myself (I shamefully admit), am a man, a horrible pig of a man.

As such I am uniquely able to help you win that someone special!

All you need to do is tell me about yourselves, your likes and dislikes, tell me how much money you have (this is very important for me to help you), and send me pictures of your naked bodies (I will be discreet about it I swear!) and I can then tell you what you need to do to get that guy!

For the guys, I can advise you on how to stalk, and eventually force forge an unbreakable, eternal bond between you and your loved one.

All you will need to provide is, either poison, a coil of rope, and or a gun. I will instruct you, on how to make your bond of love permanent and irrevocable. Eternal really.

I will charge nothing for this service, it is my penannce for having been such a bad person in the past.

TUBSWEETIE Posted:

way to fail at english on the the thread title.

Wat?

Please don’t be a grammar Nazi, can you not see that I am trying to turn over a new leaf and become a better man? I only wish to help these poor totured souls, who I once made fun of.

This is my pennance.

TUBSWEETIE Posted:

okay, have fun sucking karma’s balls

I am trying to bilk…HELP rather, poor sad Emo kids.

Look, if you are trying to get in on this con…I mean service, this is a one man gig pal, go find your own chumps…er, needy souls.

Janie Posted:

I doubt your sincerity. Prove yourself.

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How shall I do this? And why oh why would you doubt my sincerity?

What have I to gain from this? I charge nothing!

I only wish to make up for past misdeeds.

that is a good question poster above me we already know he is a traitorous fabulous person

P.S.: war is declared between us fabulous person

You know, fenk, I was reserving judgment on you, even though so many told me you were a jerk. But now, when I see you preying on my kind, I’ve decided to put a hex on you.

Allorum queto hexora!

Trust me, I’m a doctor.

Too late. It’s already placed. The only way he can break it now is to truly help someone. And he won’t.

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Janie Posted:

Too late. It’s already placed. The only way he can break it now is to truly help someone. And he won’t.

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YOU PLACED A ****ING…I mean oh, you placed a curse on me?

Hmmm…well it really hurts that you seemed to think I had alterior motive Janie!

But if none of you trust me enough to let me help, then I will never be able to remove the curse will I?

So you will either just have to trust me, and let me help you, or remove it, until I prove myself to be a liar.

OK, I’ll give you a chance to help me. Figure out who my one true love is, and deliver him to me. Then the hex will be lifted.

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The clouds darken,

Silent birds flee,

The moon, swollen with light,

Refuses to see.

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The clouds will part,

and my heart,

will be free.