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Teh super duper epic txt adventure quest thread
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Suddenly, I fall from a great height. It transpires that I had been experimenting with Dark Magicks, but miscaculated something somewhere and ****ed up. On my corpse are 3 super jumpy scrolls, and a blow up doll.
Rerolling. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 11:08AM |
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>kill bird There is no bird to kill.
>i Your own head.
>damn Command not recognized.
>n Door to north was not a real door. In fact it was a painting on the brick wall. You’ve hurt your head.
>i Your own head (cracked) contains Your own brains (leaked). >█
Zre edited this message on 04/30/2008 11:16AM |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 11:14AM |
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I suddenly charge onto the scene and flex my monstrous muscles, shredding my shirt. Screw it, I didn’t need that anyway. My glistening, bronzed flesh now on display for everyone to see, I yell “Leeeeeeeeeeeerooooooooooooy Jenkins!!!’, pick up my gigantic phallus-shaped battleaxe, and start cleaving bad guys in two. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 11:27AM |
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My Shield That’s Actually A Giant Condom saves me from PANTS’ STD attack, and I charge at him, pulling out my crossbow…. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 11:43AM |
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The party is approached by a small ch-
XEP ATTACKS CHILD (1)!
THE ATTACK DOES 3,256 DAMAGE!
CHILD (1) DIES!
YOU GAIN 1 XP!
YOU GAIN 1 !
YOU GAIN A NEW ITEM: LETTER
You open the letter. It reads:
Greeted, adventurers! Us have come for the ore how you the snot monster has covered WWEHCBQB. Unfortunately it is not some in its type, and also the villages Hfgeh, Eafwhbefw and Obbv are threatened snot monsters.
Our espionage shows summoned to these monsters to that all becomes by the bad undead king SDFFjhj III who is in hiding himself in the country of Ysjkdhv, beyond the mounts of Hwekf and…
You think the letter is tl;dr and you watch as Xep proceeds to sodomize the child’s corpse. It’s pretty hot and you achieve orgasm quickly. You look for something to wipe off your male reproductive organ.
YOU GAIN A NEW ITEM: JIZZ-STAINED POORLY TRANSLATED LETTER
You discard the letter because it has jizz on it. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 12:50PM |
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DEAD fabulous person
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I look at the letter picking it up, and secretly sticking it in SG94’s pocket, while trying to distract him with whineing about how my life sucks. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 1:07PM |
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You hear a voice in the distance. “Greetings friends!” It yells. “Perchance I might join you on your quest?” You turn around and look. It’s a ****ing bard. “I shall sing annoying songs and jerk off as I watch you get raped by monsters because I didn’t lift a bloody finger!” You feel yourself losing control. If this bard does anything fruity, you are going to beat him until he dies twice. “Brave, Brave Sir Robin!” This quote sends you over the edge. You awake two hours later. Your chest is covered in gore, your prostate really hurts and your appear to be carrying a severed hand in your mouth.
You have obtained the defiled corpse of the fruity bard! Also, you should get yourself checked. That bard has been around the block a few times, if you know what I mean.Log in to see images!
Rerolling. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 1:14PM |
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/ban SLASH BAN edited this message on 11/19/2008 4:24PM |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 1:15PM |
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I get up, yelling, “You spoony bard!” In hopes that this event would go away. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 1:16PM |
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I walk to the gun, and pick it up. I hold it about my head, as a light shines on it, then some victory music plays and a voice says “You have just obtained a..Aids gun!”I put the gun in my pocket. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 1:17PM |
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The spoony bard is dead. Get over it, Crybaby. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 1:18PM |
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I sit down and cut my self over the loss of the spoony bard. This causeing everyone to insult me, as I lose 200 hp. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 1:19PM |
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I introduce myself to the party as the RULES LAWYER and insist that each character state his/her THAC0 before every initiative. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 1:24PM |
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I look at icwutudidthar and run to her, and start complaining about how my life sucks, and how my parents don’t understand me. I then proceede to show her my cut marks. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 1:30PM |
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Crinkz Posted:
Log in to see images! |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 2:09PM |
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DEAD fabulous person
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i roll a 2d10 to determine if crinks cutmarks are self inflicted or caused by combat. after discerning their nature, i inform the party priest that healing said wounds would be an affront to the gods. |
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| Posted On: 04/30/2008 2:44PM |
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I’m proud of you guys for keeping the quest going while I was gone. Anyway…
It seems that Ron Paul stands in out way.Log in to see images! Do we: Hang him Log in to see images! Shoot him Log in to see images! Chop him up Log in to see images! Slit his wrists Log in to see images! Feed him to the bunny Log in to see images! Sing him a song Log in to see images! **** on him Log in to see images! Give him a present Log in to see images! Go ninja on his bum Log in to see images! Send him to heaven Log in to see images! Or send him to hell Log in to see images! ? |
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| Posted On: 05/01/2008 2:59AM |
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Log in to see images! |
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| Posted On: 05/01/2008 1:33PM |
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Hulyen is trying to feed RP to the bunny ... ... FAIL. RP is too big to be eaten by bunny. RP is getting angry.
>shot him Zre misses. RP is getting angrier.
>shot in his head and do not miss this time Bullet hits RP in his head and bounces backward. RP is getting angrier. Bounced bullet does 1 damage to Zre.
Zre gains new item: 1 used bullet. |
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| Posted On: 05/01/2008 1:48PM |
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We search in the bushes and find a large ring with a ruby shaped like a woman's genitals. I wonder what it does. |
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| Posted On: 05/01/2008 3:13PM |
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