So, as you all know by now, I am a superhero, and a damned good one at that. Recently, however, I have been hearing certain… ‘rumours’ suggesting that I am not only a has-been, but also a drunkard. To dispell these rumours once and for all, my publicist suggested that I answer several questions posed to me by members of the public, to showcase my true character.

...So hit me, I guess. Not literally, as I would be forced to kill you, but you know what I mean.

squeak squeak

male reproductive organmelon Posted:

If you are so amazing why is your male reproductive organ only 6.55” long?

YEAH WERD UP DAWG, THIS fine upstanding member of society DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY MEDALS

WHY ARE YOU POSTING IN ADVANCED ROLE PLAYING I CAN TELL THE HUMAN GENERAL FEELING IS ADVANCED ROLE PLAYING IS A BAD IDEA AND AS A HUMAN I WOULD EXPECT YOU TO FOLLOW IT UNLESS YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN IN WHICH CASE YOU WOULD BE SIMILAR TO SOME OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW OH **** IT ALL MY QUESTION IS WHERE CAN I FIND CHEAP WHOLESALE CHILDREN

When will you **** off?

AS YOU MAY KNOW, THERE
IS A HUGE BATTLE GOING
BETWEEN THE FORCES OF
GOOD AND EVIL. ON WHO’S
WILL YOU STAND CAPTAIN,
RICKETOR’S OR GER-MAN’S?

Log in to see images!

Well, the first set of questions have come and gone. Let’s take a look!

...Oh **** you guys.

I guess I better get on with it then.

BLACKENSTEIN Posted:

IF YOU SO L33T, WTF IS MY IP ADDRESS, CRACKA?

What? I Don- Oh Christ. It’s YOU again. Look, Blackenstein, or Blackula, or whatever you’re calling yourself now, just because I couldn’t find the IP address of the warehouse you were taunting me from doesn’t mean I’m a bad hacker. I was just… Distracted. I was going through a REALLY messy divorce at the time and… anyway.

Besides, I’m fairly certain that those children you cannabalised weren’t good children anyway, despite what their parents may have said.

BobTheSqueakyWeasel Posted:

squeak squeak

My favorite cereal? Coco Pops, hands down. Thanks for asking!

What a nice guy.

male reproductive organmelon Posted:

If you are so amazing why is your male reproductive organ only 6.55” long?

Uh… Hi male reproductive organmelon! It’s, uh, been a while. How’s the family? Look, I realise that I may have looked like a bit of a male reproductive organ when I said I loved you and then left the next morning, but… Okay, I don’t have an excuse and I don’t really give a ****. That night was the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it. Besides, as I recall you were pretty happy with my 6.55” if you know what I’m saying.

(I’m saying that I boned you.)

Next question!

BLACKENSTEIN Posted:

YEAH WERD UP DAWG, THIS fine upstanding member of society DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY MEDALS

Well that’s not really a question now, is it? Anyway, for your information I don’t have any medals becuase The Mayor deemed my methods “Dangerous and Irresponsible”. I still think that the mbumive irradiated crater where the orphanage used to be was a small price to pay for the apprehension and subsequent death of the notorious Balloon Thief. That guy was just deranged.

King Krimson Posted:

Are you really a Captain?

Aren’t you still living in a cardboard box in Dubai? How the **** are you getting an internet connection?

Regardless, yes, I am really a Captain, and no, I refuse to save you until you work out your issues with that nice Enoby girl.

NOT AN ALIEN Posted:

WHY ARE YOU POSTING IN ADVANCED ROLE PLAYING I CAN TELL THE HUMAN GENERAL FEELING IS ADVANCED ROLE PLAYING IS A BAD IDEA AND AS A HUMAN I WOULD EXPECT YOU TO FOLLOW IT UNLESS YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN IN WHICH CASE YOU WOULD BE SIMILAR TO SOME OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW OH **** IT ALL MY QUESTION IS WHERE CAN I FIND CHEAP WHOLESALE CHILDREN

Oh, hey General. You know, despite all these years my writer STILL hasn’t written an origin story, so I have NO idea whether I’m Human, Alien, or some kind of Demonic Cake. Weird. Anyway, regarding your last question, some of the surviving orphans are wandering around town at the moment. According to one of my Zorblaxian friends, the chemical that children produce when experinecing true despair makes the high that much more potent, so they should be perfect for your needs. Good luck with that whole ‘Hostile Takeover’ thing!

Bacchus Posted:

When will you **** off?

Is this how you treat all your guests? Look, like I said yesterday, I’ll be sleeping on your couch for a couple of weeks until I can find my bearings again, and then I’ll be off.

Christ, some people.

TZX Posted:

If you truly are a superhero why is the world in the condition it currently is? I myself can imagine numerous ways the situation could be improved if I had the powers you claim to possess. Therefore, I will consider you an impostor and a fraud until you can provide the scientifically sound method of gaining powers equal to, or greater than, what you claim to possess.

NEVER, EVER LINK TO THAT SITE AGAIN. You KNOW I’ve been trapped in the negaverse until recently, and that hits way too close to the bone. Anyway, If I told you the secret for gaining wicked awesome superpowers like mine, then everyone would know, and no-one would be special anymore.

Thanks, Disney.

Ger-Man Posted:

AS YOU MAY KNOW, THERE
IS A HUGE BATTLE GOING
BETWEEN THE FORCES OF
GOOD AND EVIL. ON WHO’S
WILL YOU STAND CAPTAIN,
RICKETOR’S OR GER-MAN’S?

Log in to see images!

I dunno. Whoever pays the most, I guess.

How much are you offering? I await further negotiations.

Well, That’s it for me tonight. Don’t get into too much trouble now, I can’t save all of you.

Actually, I can’t save any of you, but that’s more a case of me not giving a **** than anything else.

Toodles.

Captain_Amazing edited this message on 05/11/2010 3:56PM

Holy Washed-Up Heroes, Batman!

Captain Amazing, do you need a sidekick? I have lots of experience. I can punch my fist dramatically, nod sagely, and even give an occasional POW! BAM! BIFF!

And, er, do you pay well? I haven’t worked since 1968 and kinda need a job.

When will you finally acknowledge those of us that are on patrol every night, keeping the common citizens safe from crimes that are ‘beneath your notice’, while you are busy hobnobbing with your corporate sponsors?

The God Damn Batman Posted:

You need to come around here more often. There is much to discuss…

Holy ignoring me as though I don’t exist, Batman!

I don’t even know you any more Log in to see images!