teh Ardent bumhedz Posted:

Causing a series of traumatizing memories to come rushing back, which left him babbling in an epileptic stupor. Unfortunately, when his dad had mounted the searchlight, he MOUNTED the searchlight.

Well, that was also the moment when a mounted police offcier uncloaked behind them. He was from the future, so don’t ask where he got the device from. Actually the mountie had a brief affair with a Romulan commander.

Crecon Posted:

also since the police officer was from the future he knew exactly what was going to happen here. In fact he knew that this moment would in turn create one of the scariest moments for all mankind in the coming years.

The police offer dropped his pants, bended over, and goatsed himself right in front of Pete’s eyes.

Pete then understood the meaning of life.

He set out, his new mission in mind.

Snap017 Posted:

He whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said “FRESH” and it had dice in the mirror.

Pete decided to whore his magnificent “talents” out and start a boy band. It was a huge success, so huge he thought he could get away with posting nudes of himself on the internet.

Pete thought wrong.

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spartadude Posted:

After he created the first image of Goatse on the internet, Pete knew what he should do: Register in a pointless online game that spoofs the internet.

After searching around for what seemed like centuries, he came across a site…

...4chan…

...had Goatse in it. But since he created it, Pete found it sexy, and started fapping to himself in a paradoxical fantasy.

Unfortunately, Pete had begun so desensitized at that time that regular grotesque, disturbing pornography was no longer arousing. At a loss, Pete decided to use his search engine that somehow only displayed erotic content and typed in the first word he thought of…

He came across a game called forumwarz. He registered with the name Tubsweetie, and started fapping to item images

Snap017 Posted:

Finally, after continually becoming so desensitized that the only arousing thing on Forumwarz was the e-Peen icon, Pete decided enough was enough. He unplugged his computer, put the whole thing in a box, picked it up and…

blended it. He blended it with the strongest blender known to man, and with the right amount of heat, the metal, cardboard and 35% cream fused quite nicely. He then sold his new drink “The Electrifier” to the mbumes, and overnight, he became the richest man in the world, with $171,634,000,001.

Then, he made the investment of his life…

Snap017 Posted:

by purchasing stock investments with Fleshlight. This also entitled him to any of their numerous pleasure devices free of charge, and thus would no longer have to simply fap.

But then the unthinkable happened…

A rift in time opened, and Cheesehead from page 2 returned, and demanded Pete’s undying love…

With his wealth, Pete decided that he now had enough power to get all major corporation presidents of the world, put them in a row, and then, after receiving the “Tyrannosaurus” male reproductive organ Enlargement surgery, the could slap them all across the face with his money-covered phallus, causing them to…