Unpleasant as it may be (and I do sympathize) you should consider laying off weed for the exact reason that it makes these go badly. It sucks that thc attaches to fat cells while cocaine, heroin, ecstacy and pretty much everything else is purely water soluble, but unfortunately that’s life. That’s why I quit. Besides, after you’ve been in the workforce and made your way up to a mid rank skilled position, you can take it up again. Just quit for a few years until you’re solidly on your feet.

Not that that particularly helps today.

Search for the Whizzinator. I heard about that thing when a wrestler used it and got caught. It’s like a pump that you wear under yur shorts. You even get male reproductive organes in different skin colors to make it look authentic. You still need a buddy with clean pee.

This is risky, but I’ve pbumed drug tests this way:

Right before you go to take your test, get a friend who is clean to **** in a cup for you (make sure the friend is the same sex as you). Funnel the **** into a small container. A sample size bottle of mouthwash works well (be sure to rinse it thoroughly). Buy a thermometer if you don’t have one. Run some hot water from the tap into a cup. Put the thermometer inside the container with the urine, and immerse the container of urine into the hot bath of water. Bring the temperature of the pee up to about 104. (If you have to drive a while to the testing site, it’s best to do this in a near-by public restroom.) Put the container of urine between your legs, as close to your body as possible. Wear tight fitting underwear and tape it to your body if necessary. I’m a girl, so I’m not sure how well this works for guys since your testicles are kept at a lower temperature than the rest of your body – maybe keep it around your taint (inside your bum would be ideal lol). Alternatively, you could try keeping it in your armpit. They’re going to make you wait there about 20 minutes before they let you go to ****. So while you’re sitting there, hug it close to your body. Bring your thermometer with you. When you go into the bathroom, pour the **** into the cup, and take the temperature. They will check it for body temperature. If it’s too cold, add a little hot water from the sink to bring the temperature up (98.6 F). Don’t make it too hot, because that will be suspicious. **** into the toilet for effect. There’s a lot that can go wrong with this, but it’s worked for me.

I’ve heard they also test for common detox products, so I’ve never taken the risk with those. Another option would be to start drinking a ton of water now, and exercise a lot. You can buy a home drug testing kit at any of the chain drug stores (like Walgreens, CVS, etc). Test yourself right before you go and if you’re positive, try to put off the test.

Good luck.

edit: If you don’t know anyone with clean urine, you can buy powdered urine online that you mix with water. If you can’t get overnight shipping, check your local head shops, maybe they have some.

Diluting your urine isn’t a good option for 2 reasons.

Firstly, drinking more water/juice or whatever in the days leading up to your test will not speed up THC removal, as it simply isn’t soluble in water, and secondly your reduced creatinine (colors your pee among other things) from drinking so much water will likely also show up and indicate dilution, which is a common indicator of and attempt to mask ‘substance abuse’.

Exercise can be helpful in the weeks leading up to a test, but again increased activity over the short term will only increase THC release as your fat cells break down. The most important thing to consider, as was previously mentioned, is that some of these so-called herbal remedies also contain substances that are being tested for. In truth only time and exercise will rid your body of THC.

I’d be loath to recommend using someone else’s sample. Your best bet would be either to refuse to test on 4th amendment grounds (yeah right ^^) or to ask for a retest if you are found to be positive.

A retest might also offer you time to get yourself as clean as possible, and that is ultimately the only answer if you work in a climate where drug testing is commonplace.

Well you can always take a bunch of vitamin B to color your pee if you go for diluting it. Also, eat red meat, I hear that helps give the pee consistency as well.

Chawin Posted:

What job do you happen to by applying for?

Wal-Mart grunt, hah.

Fortunato Posted:

My experience is that practically any modern desk/professional job not requiring an advanced degree makes it a very regular practice of **** testing new arrivals.

Didn’t actually know that at all, recruiting systems between countries must be insanely different…

On topic; I’m afraid I have no advice to give, other than trying to drink as much water over the next few days to clean out your system, you may just get lucky. Best of luck.

Fortunato Posted:

My experience is that practically any modern desk/professional job not requiring an advanced degree makes it a very regular practice of **** testing new arrivals.

I should amend this: My experience is that practically any entry-level modern desk/professional job not requiring an advanced degree makes it a very regular practice of **** testing new arrivals.

Watch and learn

EVECHARM Posted:

Watch and learn

I have trouble trusting something that comes from SpikeTV and has sound effects borrowed from the Morning Zoo Krew on WXRT, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

Maybe, I’ll try every method I’ve heard of and try to confuse the hell out of the lab.