I wrote these lyrics for a project in English clbum. Tell me what you think.

Well, this is a tragedy all about how
a kingdom got flipped, turned upside down
and I'd like to take a minute, just listen in
I'll tell you how i became king of the country Scotland...

In Stratford of Avon, born and raised
on the battleground is where I spent most of my days
chillin' out maxin', puttin' on a show
quellin' the rebels with my buddy Banquo

when a couple old hags, who were up to no good
started prophecising in my neighborhood
i won two epic battles and the king got scared
he said "Malcolm's gonna be king, cuz he's the royal heir."

I begged and pleaded with him, day after day
but there just wasn't anything that i could say
Malcolm was prince and i just couldn't trick him
my wife and i talked, she said "ya might as well stick 'im!"

Third act, yo, this is bad
my wife drugged the guards with a champagne glbum
But when i stabbed him, i heard a cry
man... this might not be all right

I went to the dinner but when i came near
Banquo's ghost that I'd killed made me holler with fear
if anything i'd think that this ghost was rare
but now my wife is all filled with despair!

I pulled up to the castle 'bout seven or eight
Malcom said woah, yo homes smell ya later!
looked at my kingdom, i was finally there!
to sit on my throne, as the king of the year

*bows*

thoughts? i have a recording of me singing this, too. i will post that if enough people show interest.

MacBeth wasn’t from Statford-on-Avon.

Other than that, it’s pretty pointless. You glossed over so much due to the restraints of the format there’s really no sense in making it at all.

Asian Rapini Posted:

shakespeare was from stratford of avon.

we never find out in the play where Macbeth was from, and if we did it probably wouldnt have had the write syllables anyways =P

and yeah, i only focused on the first half of the play so alot is left out.

Ok. There are some textual issues with your work, as far as things that are definitely changes you’ve made to the actual plot line of Mackers, but I wouldn’t knock you for it, since this is rather creative.

Um…we do know where Macbeth “comes from”, he is from Scotland, he’s Scottish. The life lines of the Scottish Kings is Scottish, up until Malcolm creates an “anglicizing” of the Scottish royalty after his time spent in England (when he’s in hiding.) In the annals of history, it was actually Banquo’s line that took on this tradition and incorporated into the “English Way.” So, Macbeth comes from Scotland, specifically, the area of Cawdor.

And, you’ll want to designate that it’s not Malcolm that Macbeth kills, but Duncan. Malcolm doesn’t die ever in the play, and I think you would benefit by showing the full progression of how the death after death after death increases the madness of Macbeth.

However, re-reading the poem again, I like how it ends at Macbeth’s reign (which you have stated is certainly NOT the full length of the play), there are just a few tweaks that you should put into your creativity box and stay true to what the Master has written.

TM me if you have more questions. I figure, since this in NOT AN RPG FORUM, I would actually help instead of just being bumholes like some of the above posters.

-Recommencer

PhineasPoe Posted:

Subtle.

Just because it’s not an RP forum doesn’t mean I can’t have a negative opinion. Especially since we both have more or less the same problems with it. The disregard for the basic plot of the play turns me off when the point is to summarize. There’s wasted lines like: “I begged and pleaded with him, day after day \ but there just wasn’t anything that i could say.” Some parts don’t fit well, which also goes against the principle of the thing.

He asked is it win?

I said I didn’t think so.

I’ll agree that there was no subtlely intended. My concern is that someone is showing a part of their soul on a non rpg forum, so a degree of decorum and propriety should be respected. I mean, there really isn’t much constructive when you just say…

“Other than that, it’s pretty pointless. You glossed over so much due to the restraints of the format there’s really no sense in making it at all.”

Even though it’s layered underneath aggressive language, you DO state that by conforming to the meter of the parodied song, there are some plots points lost. However, don’t you think you could be a little nicer when you’re trying to be helpful? IF, that is, you ARE trying to be helpful and not just attacking someone and walking away like “JOB DONE!”

Asian Rapini Posted:

Thanks for your comments Recommencer. Maybe i should elaborate:

This was a project bumigned about a week and a half ago. We were given roughly a week to complete it, and a variety of options for projects ranging from writing a modern day interpretation to acting a scene out to doing a collage to, well, making a rap.

My teacher is one of those older (retiring next year) uptight types and very much a play by the rules, lay down the law type deal.

When i first chose my project, i figured i could do one of two things: i could slap together some cheezy unimpressive collage like the rest of the clbum and give boring, vague explanations like “the red water symbolizes blood, because Macbeth killed people. The crown zymbolizes kings because Macbeth is one…” etc. etc.

or, i could shake things up a bit, which is what I did.

I ended up getting a C for the project, despite putting in more than enough effort (imo) to satisfy the requirements at hand. the reason? As several of my clbummates told me, she probably didn’t even know what The Fresh Prince was.

PhineasPoe, i hold nothing against you for finding faults. you and Recommencer both brought up good points, so perhaps i was to forthcoming with this thread.

Thanks for your input =]

EDIT: @Recommencer, I dont fault PhineasPoe for his bluntness at all; i like to think of it as him paying his respect to me by not sugar-coating things.

But lets not have a flame war, please.

tl;dr. Just kidding. No, you’re a good mediator. I apologize for getting harsh. Shakespeare is something I take seriously, as well as inspiring and applauding creativity. It’s a soft spot for me, I got bumhurt. Fair enough.

lol voted up i guess

BEAT_WOMEN Posted:

But isn’t it well known by know that Bacon was the guy actually behind Shakespears works, and Shakespear was really just a fraud?

Not Bacon. There are many conspiracy theories to the origination of his works, though more sources point to him not being a fraud than do. His patrons, his actors, the works and other records of the time that list him everywhere.

Or, since the facts are that Shakes’ works are now public domain (as well as any other english drama from that time) the question of Authorization is kinda moot. It just seems to work better to have a concept of “Shakespeare” to be a universal truth, than to dissemble it with questions and suspicion.