List Of Missions

Missions are sorted according to the Episode 2 Walkthrough order. This is a Work in Progress, too.

Pwntagon (Part 1)

Kim Jong-il, aka “KIM_SHADY,” has kindly asked you to destroy the forums of the U.S. Department of Defense headquarters.

In order to gain entry, you’ll need to first find the pbumword. Maybe one of your contacts knows something.

For now, you should just attempt to get the pbumword. That's not possible until later into the game.

The Friendly Stranger (Part 1)

Shallow Esophagus isn’t sure you deserve access to the Pentagon. He wants you to show him that you’re a top-level pwner by helping out some of his contacts.

He will contact you again when he’s convinced of your abilities.

Shallow will give you some sTalk contacts, just do their missions.

Amishidal Maniac

High-tech Luddite Jebediah the Hypocrite has asked you to track down the IP addresses of 15 users on the Amish Gone Wilde forum.

He’s given you a special program, DAS BloodHund, to find the IPs.

Use the attack DAS Bloodhund on the Amish Gone Wilde forum, until you gather 15 IPs, then report back to Jebediah the Hypocrite. You can either kill yourself with Matyrdom, or simply leave the forum.

Operation Clamperl

Anonymous, in bumociation with FBO, wants you to once and for all destroy the scourge of Saiyantology (forums).

Get in, pwn, and get out! If these guys get a hold of you, they’ll sue your pants off. Or worse: they’ll turn you into one of them.

Pretty simple, just pwn the Church of Saiyantology forum.

I'm With the B&

Part 1

Elitist indie chick tHeReMiNoRiTy_RuLe wants to cushion the relentless blow of Trident Media’s banhammer.

Use the Up-Suck ability to get her back to an “acceptable” rating of 6.75/10. Do not attack the snobs!

Enter Trident Media as tHeReMiNoRiTy_RuLe, and use the Up-Suck attack until you reach the 6.75 rating. DON'T LEAVE UNTIL YOU RECEIVE A MESSAGE ALLOWING YOU TO LEAVE, then just kill yourself or leave the forum, and talk with her again.

Part 2

Now that tHeReMiNoRiTy_RuLe is a respected poster at Trident Media, everyone’s hopped on her bandwagon, destroying any indie cred she once thought she had.

You know what you must do. Pwn these pwsers.

Now you're allowed to do what you do best, which is pwning losers.

My Little Pwny

Part 1

Little Billy has asked you to pwn Li’l Pony Groomers. While it’s meant to be a safe haven for kids to chat freely, it’s been completely overrun with grownups. Creepy grownups. The kind who want you to sit on their lap for a while.

Bust in and ask them to “have a seat right over there.”

Attempt to enter the Li'l Pony Groomers forum, just to get kicked and redirected to Von Neuman's.

Part 2

There are far too many perverts in here; your Ego won’t be able to handle it. You’ll need to somehow protect yourself against all the depravity.

Click the NetTranny ad on Von Neuman's, borrow it, and go pwn Li'l Pony Groomers, on it's Kids Only! edition.