I’ve got to tell

About three bad posters, you know so well

It started way back in history

With Phariad, DerKaiserReich, and me, Celery.

Been had a little horsy named Do a barrel roll!

Just me and my horsy and a quart of troll

Riding across the land, kicking up sand

G.G.M. posse on my tail cause I’m in demand

One lonely T.A.M I be

All by myself, with nobody

The sun is beating down on my baseball hat

The air is gettin’ hot, the Troll is getting flat

Lookin’ for a girl, I ran into a guy

His name is Phariad, I said, “Howdy”, he said, “Hi”

He told a little story, that sounded well rehearsed

Four days on the run and that he’s dying of thirst

The Troll was in my hand, and he was on my tip

His voice was hoarse, his throat was dry, he asked me for a sip

He said, “Can I get some?”

I said, “You can’t get none!”

Had a chance to run

Pulled out his shotgun

Quick on the draw, I thought I’d be dead

He put the gun to my head and this is what he said,

“Now my name is Phariad, I’ve got a license to kill

I think you know what time it is, it’s time to get ill

Now what do we have here, an outlaw and his beer

I run this land, you understand, I make myself clear.”

We stepped into the wind, he had a gun, I had a grin

You think this story’s over but it’s ready to begin

“Now, I got the gun, you got the brew

You got two choices of what you can do

It’s not a tough decision as you can see

I can blow you away or you can ride with me” I said,

I’ll ride with you if you can get me to the border

The sheriff’s after me for what I did to his daughter

I did it like this, I did it like that

I did it with a whiffleball bat

So I’m on the run, the cop’s got my gun

And right about now, it’s time to have some fun

”The King Phariad, that is my name

And I know the fly spot where they got the champagne.”

We rode for six hours then we hit the spot

The beat was a bumping and the girlies was hot

This dude was staring like he knows who we are

We took the empty spot next to him at the bar

Phariad. said, “Yippe Yo, you know this kid?”

I said, “I didn’t.”, but I know he did

The kid said, “Get ready cause this ain’t funny

My name’s DerKaiserReich and I’m about to get money.”

Pulled out the jammy, aimed it at the sky

He yelled, “Stick ‘em up!”, and let two fly

Hands went up and people hit the floor

He wasted two kids that ran for the door

“I’m DerKaiserReich and I get respect

Your cash and your jewelry is what I expect”

Phariad was with it and he’s my ace

So I grabbed the piano player and I punched him in the face

The piano player’s out, the music stopped

His boy had beef, and he got dropped

DerKaiserReich grabbed the money, Phariad snatched the gold

I grabbed two girlies and a beer that’s cold.