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Art Poetry

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

A fart can be quiet,

A fart can be loud,

Some leave a powerful,

Poisonous cloud.

A fart can be short,

Or a fart can be long,

Some farts have been known,

To sound just like a song.

Some farts do not smell,

While others are vile,

A fart may pbum quickly,

Or linger awhile.

A fart can create

A most-curious medley,

A fart can be harmless,

Or silent, but deadly.

A fart can occur

In a number of places,

And leave everyone

With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairies,

To small elevators,

A fart will find all of us

Sooner or later.

So be not afraid

Of the invisible gas,

For always remember,

That farts, too, shall pbum.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

Round and round it goes,

This is how it flows,

Through your colon,

And out your sphincter,

Hey look at that,

It’s a sinker.

Duroth edited this message on 03/17/2008 7:15AM

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

The love of my life, is not my dear wife,

But a toilet with flush, and extra thick pipes.

To take all my crap, without a mouth flap,

And when it acts up, I can shut off its tap.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

Restrooms and loo’s, are some of the names

But the intent and the use, are always the same

Crapper and ****ter, are just some of the slang

Not just to do business, but to gossip and hang

So appreciate the places, everyone must go

To relieve the inner pressures, and let it all flow.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

Here I sit, broken hearted,

Paid a dime, and only farted,

Straining hard, my cheeks are parted,

I never should have even started.

From the can, you’ll here my rants,

As I squirm, and do the dance,

Cause yesterday, I took a chance,

Saved a dime, but **** my pants.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

Beans, beans, are good for your heart,

The more you eat, the more you fart,

The more you fart, the better you feel,

So eat your beans at every meal.

Beans, beans, the musical fruit,

The more you eat, the more you toot.

The more you toot, the more you smell

So choke on them, and fart in hell

Fart, Fart the beans are calling,

must be the ones i ate this morning,

went to the bog and missed the pan by a mile,

sorry mum i didn’t mean it,

here’s a mop now go and clean it,

that’s what you get for eating heinz baked beans!!

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

When you’re at, the urinal stall,

Put your head, against the wall,

So when you ****, you do not fall,

You wouldn’t want to, dunk your balls.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

Soup, soup, makes you poop,

Down your leg, and in your boot,

It won’t stop, until it flows,

Around your foot, and through your toes.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

I am woman, here me roar,

I can’t take this, any more,

This stall lock, just won’t work,

Must be built, by some male jerk,

Now I have to, improvise,

To sit like this, is not too wise,

‘Cause if I pee, it hits the floor,

When my feet, must hold the door.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

The comments are here, all over the wall.

I’ll add just one more, to this bathroom stall.

Write something better, then for a good time call

Just put in the effort, or write nothing at all.

I’m just sick of the crap, that I’m able to read.

That some dildo wrote, while he stood here and peed.

He thought he was funny, or did a good deed.

But a blow job tonight, is not what I need.

So if you can’t think of a thing, to write in a poem.

Get your brain moving, so the thoughts will start flowin’.

You can write about a fart, that’s constantly blowin’.

Just make them worth it, or you can always stowem’.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

The service station trade was slow.

The owner sat around,

With sharpened knife and cedar stick.

Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,

The log across the rill

Led to a shack, marked His and Hers

That sat against the hill.

“Where is the ladies restroom, sir?”

The owner leaning back,

Said not a word but whittled on,

And nodded toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there

But only stayed a minute,

Until she screamed, just like a snake

Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face

She bounded through the door,

And headed quickly for the car.

Just like three gals before.

She missed the foot log — jumped the stream

The owner gave a shout,

As her silk stockings, down at her knees

Caught on a sbumafras sprout.

She tripped and fell — got up,

And then In obvious disgust,

Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,

And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know

What made the gals all do

The things they did, and then we found

The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he’d devised

To make the thing complete,

He tied a speaker on the wall

Beneath the toilet seat.

He’d wait until the gals got set

And then the devilish guy

Would stop his whittling long enough,

To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below

Struck terror, fright and fear

“Will you please use the other hole,

We’re painting under here.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

I drained my bladder, which made it gladder.

I peed for an hour or more.

Then I sat and ****, till my colon was split.

Now my sphincter’s all itchy and sore.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

When it hits you, you won’t control it

You’d better run, but don’t you blow it

Try to squeeze, and you just might slow it

Now start to look, for some washroom signs

The ones they hide, at those desperate times

And you’d better pray, there are no lines

You’re almost there, but what is this

You’re leg is wet, but it’s not ****

Pieces of peanuts, you just can’t miss

Here it comes, like a dam that’s split

Or a plug for a tub, that just won’t fit

A thick watery grave, that’s full of ****

So now you’re there, but it’s too late

This horrible thing, must be your fate

Designers of malls, are the ones to hate

They purposely build them, at the end of long halls

So no one can make it, when they feel natures calls

Someone should kick them, right square in the balls

Just make sure you go, before you visit the malls

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

Artsy, fartsy, had a big arsie

and didn’t know what to do

So he bent over, and oh what an odor

he killed with the fart that he blew

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

Here in the solitude, of this metal sided box

Water is a tidal wave, when you drop in huge rocks

It gets you all wet, and drenches your seat

Then drips down your leg, all the way to your feet

I can feel the tremors, with everyone dropped

But this disembowelment, just can not be stopped

Now they’re shooting out, like a thousand machine guns

I’d swear there was smoke, coming out of my buns

Then there’s the smell, of the dead you might think

Enough to kill the witnesses, just by the stink

And when I’m all done, I’ll have a frown on my face

Because I was the one, that stayed put in his place

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

Five long hours on the throne

Sitting here all alone

Trying to pbum, this kidney stone

Hoping it’s not a chicken bone

As it gushes from my bum

I start to wonder what is what

Am I sane, or am I nuts

No, it was just a fart with guts

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

A poem about potties by a literature major

Would be an affront, to their truest of nature

A respectable author would never sink so low

To write about farts and how they can blow

They crone about sunsets so beautifully bright

Never some movement you had that same night

All must conform to what the learned half thinks

To smell their own crap, would just prove that it stinks

They believe in the subject, not how well it’s displayed

They should ponder of silk, or how it is made

No matter the dressings, we all do the same dance

And even an artist, can mess his own pants

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

A toilet is, the center of life.

To pee alone, is a god given right.

A toilet is, a place you can think.

It’s easier than, to sit on the sink.

A toilet is, a friend to all drunks.

Supports you all night, when hurling up chunks.

A toilet is, a place for your buns.

That you appreciate, when having the runs.

A toilet is, used by us all.

It’s universal, to answer the call.

A toilet is, just what it is.

It gets rid of our crap, in a river of ****.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

What is a fart, but a natural thing.

Just something to make, your derriere sing

Yes it is true, some do smell a lot.

Like something had died, and started to rot.

Some are too wet, and come with a prize.

When there’s too much gravy, on that order of fries.

Then there are silent ones, the deadliest of all.

They can sneak up on you, if you’re not on the ball.

With an odor so bad, you’ll drop to the floor.

A stench that’s so rotten, you’ll head for the door.

But I won’t hold back, and I’ll fart every time.

Because it’s all natural, and I’m feeling just fine.

Duroth

Avatar: Ron Paul

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

My lid is quite round, It has two screws

people sit on me and ****

sometimes reading the news

it gets on my wick

I wish I could decide

which arse fits me best

one that’s small or one that’s wide.

I get clean from the bleach

but my rim’s hard to reach

so they flush and they flush

I get poked with a brush

but as the days come and as the days go

I just cry to myself

I’m just a smelly old po

and some times it’s worse

cuz the **** just wont go!

My water is blue, well sometimes its clear

I hate it went drunk men

want a **** and come near

cuz they cant stand up straight

and aim at my middle

they spray and they miss, then my seats covered in piddle.

Now that’s just one of the many things that I hate

to be honest the life of a toilet ain’t great

I’m sat on, then **** on, then ****ed on some more

I cringe when i see someone come through the loo door

I’m telling you man

it does my head in

sometimes I’m just treated

like a **** and **** bin.

There has to be more

that’s out there for me

I’m fed up of this life taking crap, its not hard to see

so if your sat on me and here just to think

remember the life of a toilet does stink

but all said and done in the grand scheme of it all

I’m only a seat and a flush and a watery hole.

But women are bad, its like getting a muggin’

I know once a month

your bits need a plug in

the thing that you use should be put in a bin

cause flushing it down me is a cardinal sin

and I get so damn queasy to see a tampon with blood in.

So next time you visit please show some respect

and wipe me as well, its how your own arse is kept

and when you are done, please show some affection

I don’t want to give the next person infection

so give me a clean

its not hard to do

and please stop me looking like I’ve **** myself too!

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