My lid is quite round, It has two screws

people sit on me and ****

sometimes reading the news

it gets on my wick

I wish I could decide

which arse fits me best

one that’s small or one that’s wide.

I get clean from the bleach

but my rim’s hard to reach

so they flush and they flush

I get poked with a brush

but as the days come and as the days go

I just cry to myself

I’m just a smelly old po

and some times it’s worse

cuz the **** just wont go!

My water is blue, well sometimes its clear

I hate it went drunk men

want a **** and come near

cuz they cant stand up straight

and aim at my middle

they spray and they miss, then my seats covered in piddle.

Now that’s just one of the many things that I hate

to be honest the life of a toilet ain’t great

I’m sat on, then **** on, then ****ed on some more

I cringe when i see someone come through the loo door

I’m telling you man

it does my head in

sometimes I’m just treated

like a **** and **** bin.

There has to be more

that’s out there for me

I’m fed up of this life taking crap, its not hard to see

so if your sat on me and here just to think

remember the life of a toilet does stink

but all said and done in the grand scheme of it all

I’m only a seat and a flush and a watery hole.

But women are bad, its like getting a muggin’

I know once a month

your bits need a plug in

the thing that you use should be put in a bin

cause flushing it down me is a cardinal sin

and I get so damn queasy to see a tampon with blood in.

So next time you visit please show some respect

and wipe me as well, its how your own arse is kept

and when you are done, please show some affection

I don’t want to give the next person infection

so give me a clean

its not hard to do

and please stop me looking like I’ve **** myself too!