FADE IN:

EXT. NOOB STREET -NIGHT

In the distance, mbumive skyscrapers rise into the night sky, a full moon rising behind the cityscape and sending beams of pale light between the buildings. As we pan from one end of the street to the other, the light of the moon is slowly swallowed up by stark neon lights, the streets growing more crowded, and those walking them growing more unsavory.

INT. LOBBY -NIGHT

JIMMY and NICK, two street toughs, walk through a rundown lobby, drawing nothing more than a quick glance from the bored receptionist as they pbum right by her and into the building.

JIMMY: I dunno, man, I mean, this seems like crossin’ a line.

NICK: This is Internet City! There are no lines to cross.

JIMMY: I dunno, man, I just don’t-

NICK: STFU! There ain’t no backin’ out now.

Nick pulls out two guns from his jacket.

NICK: Are you in?

Nick flips one of the guns so the handle is facing Jimmy and offers it to him.

NICK: Or out?

Nick flips the gun so the barrel faces Jimmy and levels it with his head.

JIMMY (nervously): I’m in, man, I’m in.

Nick flips the gun so the handle is facing Jimmy again, and Jimmy takes it. The two of them walk into a door labeled “Denture Gentleman’s Club” and open the door, flipping off the light switch and slamming the door behind them as they enter, leaving the room in total darkness.

NICK: Nobody move!

Nick fires his gun in the air a few times, the flashes of light briefly illuminating the room, showing the two thugs standing in a room filled with OLD FARTS sitting in a circle around a table playing a game of cards. There is fearful murmuring amongst the farts.

NICK: Everyone quiet!

Nick fires his gun in the air again. The farts fall silent.

NICK: Here’s how this is gonna go. Everyone’s gonna stay real calm, and me and my friend here will collect all your wallets and valuables. Just stay calm and cooperate and no one gets hurt. Got it?

OLD FART: We don’t seem to have-

Nick shoots the fart in mid-sentence.

NICK: I said quiet!

Nick and Jimmy pull out sacks marked “swag” and begin gathering wallets and watches from the farts. Nick sees one fart with a gold tooth, sparkling in the dim light from the street outside, and immediately smack the fart across the face. The fart falls to the ground, and the gold tooth (along with several real ones, almost indistinguishably yellowed) go flying across the ground. Nick bends down to pick up the gold tooth and hears the sound of a man being beaten coming from the other side of the room.

NICK: Whoa, Jimmy, easy, don’t want to leave a body for the moderators, right?

Nick looks to the other end of the room and sees absolutely no movement, just a few farts gathered around an inert body lying on the ground.

NICK: Jimmy?

Nick looks around the farts gathered around the body, looking for Jimmy’s face.

NICK: Jimmy, where are you?

Nick walks over and peers through the darkness, seeing Jimmy’s face, bleeding from the nose and a head injury, lying on the ground. Nick gets nervous and pulls his gun, aiming it at the old farts, who react with surprise, putting their hands in the air. He turns in a slow circle, and his eyes widen suddenly as he sees INTERNET BATMAN, who swats the gun aside as Nick pulls the trigger, hitting an old fart to his right. Internet Batman does not notice, and instead begins beating Nick senseless. Finally, he drags Nick to the side of the room and smashes him through the window, holding him above the streets, which are now twelve stories below in spite of the fact that Nick and Jimmy went up no stairs in between the lobby and the club.

BATMAN: *incomprehensible growly noises*

NICK: Wha-What?

BATMAN: *more incomprehensible growly noises*

NICK: I d-don’t understand!

BATMAN: *even more incomprehensible growly noises*

NICK: Look man, I’m sorry! Please don’t kill me!

BATMAN (in an almost incomprehensibly growly voice): I don’t forgive. I don’t forget.

Internet Batman drops Nick, who falls screaming through the air until his body hits the ground in a crumpled heap a moment later, leaving a mangled corpse with bits of bone sticking out from beneath the ripped and torn clothes.