Guys, if you are ever stupid enough to accept an invitation to Indian food, here’s a piece of advice:

Do NOT take a **** until several days later so all the spices can completely break down.

Try to imagine what it would feel like to grab a hot ember from a fireplace and insert it halfway into your rectum. That’s what taking a **** the next morning would feel like.

If you take a **** the next morning, it will feel like enjoy by Satan. Splashing water on your bum won’t make it go away and wiping will make it worse. The ONLY thing that can alleviate the pain is to wet some toilet paper with milk and wiping with that. But good luck finding milk in the bathroom (unless you happen to be female and breastfeeding, which I am neither).

So yeah, **** you curry-eating ****ants.