I’m vegetarian, so instead of getting McMurders/Murder King/Murder Wendy’s I head straight for the Border, its taco bell and Yo Quero a half pound of potatoes and cheese for only 79 cents. I slap down a 2o spot (new bill! Sometimes Euros) and whisper the code phrase “Taco Time” and Lasha (day manager for day crew natch, shes mixed race!!! Great Eyes) knows whats up, the employee only door is opened and they lock the entrance and pull down the shades. I’ve paid the cost to be the boss and now its time to get my just desserts, a 5 minute shopping spree except instead of toys and clothes its food ingredients and instead OF A SHOpping cart its my fabulous person mouth. They use caulking guns to spray in the sour cream and tell me have you ever downed 3.5 pounds of sour cream in a single breath??? No?????????? Ha ha didn’t think so bro, no worries its fun yeah but honestly you don’t look like the kind of person who’d appreciate it no offense. After wheting my appetite I look up, burning daylight as the scoreboard counts down the seconds, its over to the churros, punch down a bakers doz to revitalize me and counteract the heavy creme curdlin in my gullyguts (got a soft layer of fat that the taco boys love, MMh! I’m a Big Beautiful Male). Like a cow grazing in a field I dip my face in the individual condiment and ingredient tins — snarf snarf Mmm its tortillas, gurn gurbnnm ahhhh some refreshing olive-flavored water (out of olives? wat? calm down take it in stride) and oh my!!! yes its pinto beans!!! Slam Dunk. Drool and juice are running down my flabby boiled chest as I choke down a bin of cubed tomatoes and the 2 minute warning buzzer brings me back from my dreamland. My eyes narrow & I imagine myself holding a sword. Two swords maybe. I see the great white whale, a steaming cauldron of 350 pounds of taco meat. Its always eluded me …. given me bull**** dreams about failure (often I have problem with my teeth in such dreams and equally often I am in h.s. again and bein bullied) and I have had enough. Man has been tamed, man has been made into a P.C. automaton. NO MORE. I renounce my ways. Every True God Is Both Creator & Destoryer. (-Punchon) I grab a trash bag full of Fire Sacuse and take off my slacks and shirt and undershirt and medical knee brace(s) and dive HEADFIRST INTO THAT ****. IT OUTWEIGHTS ME BY 20 POUNDS BUT I HAVE THE PbumION. CHOMPIN AND SCARFIN. THE TACO DUDES LOOK ON IN SHOCK! “WHOA HES GOING FOR IT” THE OLDEST AMONG THEM IS NAMED RASCO AND HE IS A CHILEAN WHO SPEAKS LITTLE ENGLISH. “FIRE SAUCE BE THE DEATH OF YOU, BLANCO” BUT I AM A MAN, I AM FINALLY ALIVE AND I AM NOT AFRAID. I START TO GET A LITTLE HARD AS THE FEELING OF MUSHED UP TACOMEAT IS WHAT I IMAGINE A GIRLS WHOHA TO FEEL LIKE, BUT NOTHING WILL DISTRACT ME, INSTEAD I USE MY SEXUAL ECSTACY TO SWALLOW FASTER. I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME AND THERE IS NO TOMORROW. AS I SINK DEEPER INTO THE CAULDRON I ENVISION THE WOMB … MY MOTHER WAS A NO SHOW, RUMORED TO BE ITALIAN … COINCIDENCE? THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES. MY STOMACH, EFFICIENT, HAS ALREADY TURNED THE SOUR CREAM INTO GAS AND SO I START TO MAKE SPACE, CLENCHING MY CHEEKS SO THE GAS WILL PRODUCE A PLEASANT WHISTLE NOT UNLIKE REGGAETON MUSIC THAT LATINOS LOVE. THE TACO SQUAD BEGINS A SLOW CRESCENDO OF APPLAUSE, CLAPS TURN TO SHOUTS, AND THE FINAL NOUGAT OF MEATS SLIMES INTO MY MOUTH AS THE SCOREBOARD EXPLODES, SHOOTING SPARKS OVER THE ENTIRETY OF THE TACO BELL KITCHEN PREP AREA. SOON I WILL BE CARRIED AWAY ON CONTENT SHOULDERS, LATER WILL COME THE HONORS AND TROPHIES AND CONCUBINES, STILL AFTER THAT THE TALL TALES AND LEGENDS, BUT FOR NOW I SIT NAKED IN A CAULDRON BEREFT OF MEAT FOOD PRODUCT, FARTING AND ****ING (FORGOT TO MENTION THAT) FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN I LOVE MY COUNTRY, RIGHT OR WRONG. ALSO I AM UNEMPLOYED AND THE ****ER HIRING MANAGER AT BEST Buy won’t return my phone calls (am seeking legal recourse).