Fresh from the frontlines; long-time-no-Kaiser, forumwarz.
I have arrived in this locale today to address the growing issue of home front morality. Have the Great War’s struggles been difficult to endure? The food shortages? The monetary rationings? The creeping feeling of hunger seeking to erode your cast-iron hearts of patriotism?
Well, my countrymen, your Kaiser is here to bring you much needed relief, and to help alleviate any feeling of dissertation and defeatism. I bring all that I can, a towering stack of the finest BP, normally fit only for the likes of royalty, to distribute to you all. The smoothest of chocolaty textures and the richest sweet frosting to pave your gullets with satisfaction and sugary happiness. Perhaps, even if for a moment, you may feel at ease from your struggle while immersed in a BP-induced bliss.
For you see, patriots, there are those in the world who seek our end in blood. Waiting in the shadows of the Monkey-House that is the Reichstag, they convert the downtrodden and the hopeless to their defeatist, Marxist agendas. These peasants, too ignoble to work in the factories and too inglorious to fight for their German Empire, wear away at the spirit of those who seem to have gotten lost on the path of purest victory; blind to the gleaming light at the end of the muddy trenches.
This is where YOU come in.
I am seeking to hold the Exaltation of Grandeur contest, the most glorious, most prestigious, most awe-inspiring contest to ever grace the internet, let alone forumwarz. For every effigy, picture, drawing, portrait, etcetera, of Kaiser Wilhem II you post that I have not seen, I will give you one of the most delicious BPs ever to grace your lips. I can promise you, there are many. They can even be homemade, for those of you creative-types. Of course, they must depict the Kaiser in a normal light; as any trolling would result in the breach of the ancient-right of these noble contest rules and the following toxx. For every single post in this thread, for every picture of the Kaiser in all of his righteous, inspiring glory, you renew the spirit of those around you and save the lives of countless soldiers and civilians…all while lining your pockets with BP from MY personal vault.
Such displays of patriotism shall never go unrewarded and unrecognized; your Kaiser has his eyes on those whom are loyal and aid the great cause. I will check this thread AT LEAST once per day in order to supervise BP distribution. I will quote your post, and address that your BP has been set. You may post as many pictures as you want, of course, as your rewards shall match your efforts. If the vault runs out, I shall use what war bonds I have to purchase more from the local Austrian distributor “Krotch Schombee”. I would give my golden pickelhaube to see the flame of hope in this country renewed, as our troops prepare for the march on Paris! This contest only ends when the Internet is exhausted of Kaiser Wilhelm II, and your hands can no longer bear the weight of the quill to etch Kaiser Wilhelm II’s image onto a slip of parchment.
Now go, noble forumwarz, in your righteousness, and fight! For your freedoms! For your Empire! For your Kaiser!
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TOXX, in the name of Deutschland!