John Fitzgerald Kennedy Posted:

I’d like to take this moment to express my gratitude to Ms. Kadt for ensuring some peace and tranquility in our community. I must, er, admit that I’ve been somewhat concerned with Mr. Oswald’s continual presence here. He has an intangible quality of, ah, menace. I’m convinced that he is part of some kind of, er, conspiracy in regards to my presidency. And yet, Ms. Kadt’s actions have proven quite beneficial.

Ms. Kadt, if I may be so forward, would you care to grace us with your presence at our next Presidential Ball? There’s an after party that is only open to VIPs, of course, and you’ll be invited to come along.

Dear Mr. President,

Sir, while you’re here, let me ask you a question. I know of your special relations to Germany, in fact, you are a Berliner, so could you tell Mr. Hitler to give me my Taylor Swift CDs back? He has them for 3 weeks now! Thank you, Mr. President.